Parenting a toddler - reassurance please

[Tiredsotiredsleeeeeep]

My DS is just turning 2, and to say he's a handful would be the understatement of the century. He no longer naps in the day, so consequently gets more and more difficult as the day progresses. He barely sleeps at night, and only if he's in bed with me, and still multiple wake ups for a cuddle and reassurance. Sleep training isn't for me, so I won't be going down that route, but how long can I expect this to last? He slept in a cot in my room until Christmas, then seemingly everything changed.

He's also full on all day, no respite whatsoever! I understand this is just how toddlers are, but DH and I are so incredibly tired and burnt out. We have no family in this country, so no help there. DS is in nursery 2 days a week whilst I work, but seeing as we're working that doesn't really allow a break!
DS is wonderful, high energy, loud, full on, determined. DH contributes to everything 50%, but we're both just so...weary.
Is this just a stage we need to soldier in through? Am I parenting wrong?

I mean this with kindness...I have no idea how you can improve his sleep if you feel sleep training isn't for you. I just think that some toddlers need that extra guidance to work out how to self soothe. There are many types of sleep training not just cry it out.
Here's some suggestions:

www.todaysparent.com/baby/baby-sleep/most-popular-sleep-training-methods-explained/

I hope this is not interpreted as being pushy. I just think that getting enough good quality sleep has to be a priority for all of you as it affects everything else.

Whatever you do I hope it all improves. Toddlers are hard work.

Agree I bet a significant amount of his challenging behaviour is over tiredness. I’d do you both a favour and try to work on his sleep.

Mine was very full on, dropped naps by 18 months. But, he did sleep well at night thank god. I would also work on this aspect, no wonder you're burnt out.

I think you do need to sleep-train, but as pp says, that doesn't automatically equal cry it out. Get a copy of the No Cry Sleep Solution and see if anything there chimes with you. You're all on your knees with tiredness, including the toddler - there are gentle ways to help.

I'd try to put him down for naps just to see if it's a phase? He sounds overtired. Mine had a weird few weeks where she didn't want to nap around that age and then fell back into it again (thank god!) I went for a drive if needed to encourage her to have a nap. Failing that move bedtime earlier and that may help.

It does sound like over tiredness. Agree that sleep training doesn’t equal cruelty / cry it out. You need your rest to function. He needs his rest to improve his behaviour.

I would try the nap again. We had weeks of no naps at around 2yrs 2 months which resulted in a slow descent into weepiness and serious upset by the afternoon. We just kept trying the naps because it was clear she needed one, she was hyper whilst also distressed. Back to napping and night sleep has improved again after about a month

I agree with everyone else, sleep is the issue.

Sleep training might not be for you, but what about your child? It sounds like he definitely needs some help to sleep better doesn't it?

No nap and a disrupted nights sleep is not going to be good for him long term and that is evidenced by the fact that he is finding it harder and harder to cope as the day goes on. It essentially means every afternoon is difficult for him, he'll be missing opportunities to develop and learn if he's overwhelmed and upset.

You're not going to like it but I'm another saying you need to implement some sort of sleep training. This doesn't mean he has to be left to cry it out, this is an outdated misconception many hold.

The behaviour is linked to him being overtired. You can try and change a million other things but ultimately until you sort out his sleep his behaviour is not going to improve.

Look at it this way, sometimes children need to be taught how to do something they find a challenge such as using cutlery, tying laces or potty training. By teaching him better sleep habits you will be vastly improving his day to day life, your current strategy may be what you think is best for you but it's not what's best for your poor overtired child.

You said sleep training is t for you but it's the best thing for all of you. A good nights sleep is key. Look up the 3 day nanny back to bed method should be on u tube. Surely 3 nights of sleep training is better than no sleep for the future. He needs to be in his own bed In his own room

Colleague was still sharing her bed with her DD until 13 the they progressed to twin beds!!

Assuming the question how long can I expect this to last for? is about his broken sleep, in bed with you…how long is a piece of string? You might get some 2 year olds who go from cosleeping with lots of wake ups…to suddenly deciding they want their own sleep space and sleeping through. But I’d say that’s very rare. I think the vast majority will need some kind of push. It’s fine to discount any form of sleep training, but by doing that you are effectively saying you will carry on until he is ready to sleep independently. If there were miracle cures the sleep section on MN wouldn’t exist.

I agree with PPs as well. Every child is different, but it’s very rare for a child under 2 to be completely done with napping. How did you decide he was done? DS (~ 22 months) Has spells of nap refusal but I always force the issue. Often he’ll maybe only nap 45 minutes, but the difference that makes to the afternoon and his general behaviour is immeasurable. He sleeps 11h straight through overnight. I’d be broken if he didn’t to be honest.

I’d say a lot of your DS’ behaviour is possibly normal and might not be indicative of overtiredness - some toddlers are just extreme. But I do think he could be easier with more sleep - both for his own mood and for your energy to manage him.

Sleep training wouldn't have helped my DD, just caused more anxiety. Have a look at the beyond sleep training project Facebook group non-ST help, they've been really useful for me and DD now sleeps through in her own bed and has done for a while but a year ago I was on my knees with her waking up every hour in bed with me.

She's 3 and a bit now, sleep go much better around 2.5