Is it harmful?

[Georgia2609]

Hi everyone, just wondering what everyone’s opinions/experiences are with cry it out sleep training, I’ve read such conflicting things on google and feel so confused by it, some say it can cause long term emotional damage and bonding issues and some say it’s perfectly safe and good for a baby to learn to self settle. We’ve tried every other gentle method of getting him to sleep without being cuddled every time he wakes and are running out of options, he’s 6 months old in a week. Any advice/opinions/experiences would be appreciated.

Sorry I think it's really cruel & yes potentially harmful. Taking care of a baby should be instinctual - ignoring their cries goes completely against natural instinct.

Also when people say 'self settle' it's really misleading. Your baby won't suddenly become happy and calm enough to sleep, they will just have given up hope of you coming to comfort them.

My son would end up being sick so I couldn't do it!

It's not for me. I didn't use it on any of my 3. I struggled to cope with hearing them cry. Also, number 3 would vomit soon after crying so it was definitely more hassle to change the bed than give her a cuddle/feed. Friends of mine used the method. Our children are all much older now and both their children and mine seen to be just fine.

He’s only six months so I would just lie with him until he sleeps if thats what he wants.

At that age, i just left the baby stay up with us until he slept - and then carried him up to his cot.

It is annoying but its not forever.

Six month is too young for most sleep training methods! Wait another month or two. What are the main issues?
Is he napping ok during the day? First steps: establish a good bedtime routine, a good nap routine ideally with naps not in pram, exclude all medical reasons (silent reflux, teething, wind etc ) for wakings.

Cry it out is failing to respond to your child’s needs. It’s abuse. Most sleep training methods, even Feber says they are only suitable from 12 months.

Cruel at any age but especially as young as 6 months. They've had longer in the womb than the outside world and simply don't know what's going on.

We did Ferber method at 6 months and it was life changing. My baby went from waking every half an hour through the entire night to sleeping for 12 hours. It took a couple of weeks as we reduced the night feeds gradually.

It’s not cry it out - it’s checking and comforting at regular intervals but allowing the baby to learn how to fall asleep on their own. The most my baby cried was the first night we took away his dummy - 25 mins on and off while he went to sleep, with regular comforting.

Now we just put him in his cot, he happily rolls around for a few minutes and goes to sleep.

Highly recommend reading Dr Ferber’s book (I got the e book on my phone) before you make a decision.

Honestly, I think.its cruel. They're crying out because they feel scared.

How often is he waking? 6 months is still very, very little and it’s normal for him to want a cuddle when he wakes up! If it’s every hour obviously that becomes very difficult. You could try sidecarring a full size cot to your bed so you can cuddle/comfort without getting up. That’s what we did at that age, I considered sleep training but it just didn’t feel right to me, the gentle methods then worked when he was a bit bigger.

Maybe I used the wrong wording as I wouldn’t just leave him alone in the room to cry, I’d sit with him and keep giving him his dummy but I wouldn’t pick him up as he seems to get more worked up when I pick him up and put him back down. He doesn’t have any night feeds as he won’t take them because he’s not hungry, he doesn’t cry hysterically like somethings wrong he just doesn’t want to be in the cot and I’m not willing to co sleep. He used to have reflux but no longer does and he’s not teething so I’m pretty certain it’s not that he’s in any kind of pain or discomfort. 6 months isn’t too young to sleep train as I’ve read it can be done from 4 months but I didn’t want to do it that young and wanted to give him until 6 months to sleep better but he isn’t

I did it with both of mine and it’s the only thing that worked. I waited until they were older 14 months and 11 months my daughter took 17 minutes and now goes to sleep happily, I checked in on her but didn’t do specific times I listened to her cry and watched on the monitor and used that as my guide. My little boy was trickier, I sat with him the first time and used a comforter to stroke his face and then he started doing it and fell asleep, it took 45 minutes I would do this at every wake for the first night and then I think by night 3 I was able to leave the room as soon as I put him down. We’ve now achieved a week of him sleeping through.

I know it can feel cruel but it’s the only thing that worked for me and I didn’t ignore their cries I gave reassurance when needed. I did try a few times with my little boy before it was successful at 11 months so it might not work for you yet. But I think it’s worth a go and if it doesn’t work it’s worth trying again in a few weeks.

Worked very well for my two boys who are perfectly fine and we have a stong bond. The 'crying out' period was about 3 nights, their needs were met...they were fed, clean, read to, cuddled etc. They call me in the night if they need the loo, have a bad dream, or teddy bear can't be found, so i do not beleive it teaches them that you don't care about their needs. Learning to fall asleep alone is a life skill and i find it so strange that this particular method is demonised. My boys are now 5 and 3. Happy little lads

And to add i did both of them at 6m

Cruel and abusive.

It’s cruelty and neglect. People can tell themselves their babies/kids are fine all they like but there’s plenty evidence online which shows the difference in scans on the brains of babies that have and haven’t gone through the cry it out method and other similar sleep training methods.

Babies have other needs that aren’t just physical. So what if your baby is clean and fed? They may be scared, anxious, lonely etc - why are them needs any less important than the physical ones??
We sleep with our partners, why is it so absurd that our babies want to be close with us?

I haven't done this but considering the Ferber with our LO. I haven't read all the science online but I was always picked up as a baby by my parents and I have crippling anxiety now as an adult. My parents did cry it out with my brother (this was all 30 years ago and on GP advice) and he is confident and no anxiety. We both have excellent relationships with our parents and we both turn to them when needed.
It's anecdotal i know but my point is that the cry it out didn't make any difference to my brother when he was 6mo and they did it.

My mum did proper cry it out with me. She happily tells me how she left me to cry for up to an hour at the top of the stairs (stair gate) while she sad in tears downstairs 🙈 eventually I’d give in apparently & go to bed. I’m 33, never had any mental health issues, no anxiety, no depression etc. I enjoy my sleep. I love my parents so much, we have a great relationship. I feel I’m a pretty well adjusted adult on the whole. Im mean I’m in no way perfect but I quite like who I am!

But maybe if they scanned my brain we’d see some kinda major damage that has secretly been impacting my life 😂

6 months is very young. I did far gentler methods with my eldest around 16 months. It did the job and she’s a loving, secure almost 5 year old now. DD2 sleeps like a dream thankfully most of the time!

Tin hat on here OP - I winced when I opened this one.

I wouldn’t ever have left DS to cry without intervention. We did pick up and put down at 5 months with DS which worked perfectly. There are lots of gentle methods which do work of done consistently and properly.

It's cruel, your baby is crying because he has a need for comfort.
He will eventually be able to "self settle". Maybe he's just not ready yet.
I think there is far to much pressure on parents to get babies to self settle rather than going at the baby's pace. My little guy couldn't do it until around 6/7 months. Had to be rocked to sleep l, held of a good 15 mins then placed down. Then one day I gave patting his bum in the cot a try and he drifted off. I then patted lighter and lighter until now when we have a cuddle say goodnight and I leave. He goes to sleep. No crying necessary