Rude 6 year old

[Ellie078]

Hi, I need some advice, my 6 year old daughter behaviour is just not acceptable, she so rude to me and her dad and very disrespectful when she talks. She talks back to us and has an answer for everything. Today was the same again rude to us and we have just had enough! We punished her all day today but we don't know weather all day is a bit hard. No TV no toys ect. It's really getting me down and I feel like I'm loosing the relationship with my daughter! She is my only child and maybe that's part of the problem.

Your response is over the top and sounds too harsh for a child that age - punishing a 6 year old all day!

Also, overly dramatic - saying you are losing your relationship with her,

Lots of children that age are a bit cheeky etc. just keep teaching her the right way to behave. Calmly, kindly explain what is thr rigjt way to behave and move it. Don’t expect perfect behaviour - good enough is ok!

Make a fuss of her good behaviour instead of her bad behaviour.

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What exactly is she saying and doing and is it beyond normal development? Is she modelling how you and your partner talk to each other?

What did she do all day with no tv and no toys. That sounds like a really tough punishment for a six year old. And it's also making life harder for you.

She talks back to us and has an answer for everything.

This could mean anything. What actually happened?

Make sure you praise her good behavior. Don't just focus on the times she has misbehaved.

I have to ask are you rude in return to her rudeness? It’s easily done as in our heads we can’t believe they’re talking to us in such a way. Like the PP said make a fuss of the good behaviour. If she talks to you in a way that is cheeky or rude explain why her tone or comment isn’t nice or ask her how she feels if she is spoken to in that way.

I’m struggling with my 6 year old at the moment so I don’t think I’ll have much advice!

Mine tries to deliberately annoy my DP, and me and other DC. Mine is rude to DP and myself, if we ask him to do something he will say NO, he torments his younger brother and doesn’t stop when we tell him off, he doesn’t seem to respond much to tellings off these days. He used to be well motivated by rewards but lately not so much, we gave him the opportunity to rent a film last night if he was a good boy in the day and he lost that privilege really quickly and then still kept asking later in the day, moaning that he wouldn’t be getting it!

I think for mine it’s been a mixture of things - he was off sick from school with covid so obviously stuck in the house, it was his younger sibling’s birthday so they got lots of fuss and presents. I also had covid and do have some symptoms remaining like headaches and sore throats so I wonder if DS still feels not 100%, illness has always been a big trigger for him to misbehave.

Even so I’m keeping boundaries in place, removing screen time or sending him to his room when he’s been naughty/pushed a boundary. Trying to also have good connection time with him like playing games etc. It’s hard and mine is prone to acting up at school in line with his behaviour at home so I’m dreading parents’ evening next week.

What kind of things is she actually saying/doing?
Is she copying you/her dad or her teacher but in the wrong context?

If you're only speaking with her to punish her I'm not surprised she's pissed off and 'being rude'. Do you model kind behaviour to her?

If someone took away my favourite things, TV and toys and punished me all day I would probably be pretty rude to them too.

Nurture her, show her you care, model good behaviour and correct the rudeness but there's no need for these kind of prolonged punishments.
Explain to her how it makes you feel when she's rude, for example 'when you say that to mummy it hurts my feelings and makes he feel sad.' it sounds like she has some frustrations that she can't explain, your job as a parent is to help her regulate and understand her emotions, not punish and stifle them.

Children mirror what they see and hear
To get children to show care and respect they have to receive it
It really is as simple as that
I work in a nursery and the children that struggle with interactions often have parents who come across as a bit rude or abrupt.
My tips would be to praise when she gets it right and ignore when she doesn’t
Also, use books and tv to highlight when people are rude to each other and use it as a discussion point for why it’s rude and what the response should be

I think your punishment was inappropriately harsh for one so small. It will not help to achieve your aim. You are just building up good reasons for her to want to be rude to you.

She needs to hear "We do not speak to people like that." every time she does it, but then move on to engage in something positive.

It is hard to know what might have been a better reaction - it depends on what the rudeness was - if she told you to fuck off, that might warrant a different reaction to just stropping.

I think pushing boundaries at this age is normal and also, they are starting to form their own thoughts about stuff and clashes happen. My 6yos tone of voice leaves a lot to be desired most days and he can be rude. Demanding, rather than asking nicely for example. I think an all day punishment is too much though. I think consistency is important (although exhausting). For example, if my 6yo demands, rather than asks nicely I'll say 'I'm not doing anything for you if you speak to me that way, what's a better way of asking me to do xyz?' And give him a chance to correct themselves, rather than tell him off straight away. If he's really not nice (shouting at me for example), I might temporarily take away TV or something else until these calm down and talk nicely or if he's really worked up, I'll tell him to go and have a lie down in his bedroom and come back down when he can speak nicely (I always leave the time limit up to him).

The reason I don't think all day punishments are great, is because it doesn't allow for a quick 'make up and move on'. So if my 6yo shouts at me and I turn the TV off in response. If 10 minutes later he apologises (sincerely) then I think it's good to accept the apology, remind why that behaviour isn't nice and move on.

Another thing I do, is remind myself to praise positive behaviour. So if my 6yo asks nicely for something, I'll say 'thank you for asking nicely' etc...

From talking to other mums, what you're experiencing is quite common. I think it's important to not let poor behaviour go without comment / consequences but I think perhaps all day punishment are not the way to go (imo).

Also, what TV programmes does your daughter watch? I am often shocked at how some kids behave on these shows (especially some to the American ones!). They can be really obnoxious and rude! I then see my 6 yo mirroring some of the behaviours! I've banned a few shows because I've said I don't like how the kids on or talk.