Why are toddlers so bloody difficult?!

[toddlersupportclub]

I literally want to bang my head into the wall sometimes. My nearly 3 year old makes everything into an absolute battle. I am literally trying to take him to the park, that's it, the park, because he asked to go. We've had the not changing nappy, the not getting dressed tantrum, refusing to put coat on, no I won't wear shoes, no I won't go in the buggy, no I won't walk. So I gave up. I said fine, you win, we won't go. Now he's crying hysterically that he wants to go to the park. I say well then you need to get dressed. Back to shouting no I won't get dressed.

Why do they make it so hard? I feel like everything has been a battle lately so I decided to make today a fun day. Morning in the park, I bought stuff to do painting this afternoon, I bought things to make paw patrol cakes. I thought we could have a good day if I really made the effort but apparently not. I'm fed up of the constant battles! They are only little once and I so want to enjoy it but I just find it a difficult boring slog where every little thing has to be an argument

They just are, sorry I don't know if it's helpful. But every mum has felt the aaaaahhhh why do I bloody bother? Rage!

The do grow out of it and become lovely little amazing 5/6/7/8 years olds.

Is he your first?

Do you have a thinking step or similar type set up at home? We had a sticker chart for years that's DS loved for rewarding the good and the thinking step for his age in minutes for when he wouldn't follow instructions.

They're like teenagers. You have to pick your battles! Otherwise you'll go mad and both of you will be very unhappy. I've got 9 children age range 21 down to 15 months. Some are definitely more challenging than others and those ones have been the more challenging teenagers too.

Some of mine have autism and ADHD so I've definitely been there! Personally think chairs, steps and thinking time is a waste of everyone's life. But each to their own. All behaviour is communication so I always work from that basis.

Oh gosh I totally feel your pain! Mine is also 2 and literally every conversation or activity ends in hysterical tears.

He seems to revert between jekyll or hyde and most days even he doesn't know what he wants so I'm not exactly sure how I'm meant to figure it out.

Sometimes giving him spcae to process his emotions helps e.g. me sitting nearby in the room offering occasional calming words but mostly he just needs to work through the tantrum until he's decided he's finished himself because nothing else works.

I'm struggling to see how it works from an evolutionary point of view unless the idea is that they are such hard work you put off having another baby so they get to take all your resources for longer, but that only works in a society where that's a choice.

This is my life. I do far more bargaining and bribery than I'd like but we get things done a bit quicker. I've "do you want this chocolate bar? Get your shoes on and in the buggy then". Sometimes it works, sometimes we need up with more tantrums, but he is starting to work it out. My first DC was not like this so it is a huge struggle and I often blame myself. He starts school in September and I spend a lot of time worrying about it.

Just here to say I have the same with my almost 4 year old - it is soo frustrating especially when you are trying to do normal / nice things and they treat it like torture... I'm sure it passes eventually but it is SO HARD!

It's because the part of the brain that controls organising, planning, inhibiting and managing emotion has literally not grown yet.

It works from an evolutionary perspective because the growth of human's brains happens at such a rate that it allows us to learn and develop skills which are so far in advance of any other mammal - the first 5 years of life are mind blowing in terms of how much brain development happens.

Having babies, and then being motivated to care for them while their brains develop is a biological urge, it's not affected by our experience of, eg labour, sleep deprivation, toddlers etc. People want more babies, even when the ones they have are hard work

It's just so frustrating isn't it. We still haven't managed to leave the house. He's still walking around crying. He calmed down and played for a bit then decided he wanted to go and went and climbed into the trike. I said he had to get back out as we hadn't changed his nappy or got dressed or put our coat on and it started again and he still won't stop. Why do they choose to spend the day being miserable when we could of been having fun? It's so frustrating. Even when I try and be the fun mum I still end up being the grumpy stressed out mum.

I've got twin three year olds and I am on my knees with the tantrums and everything being "No!"
Even when one is behaving if the other one plays up then they will copy the behaviour.
Trying to enforce time outs (which have always worked well for my eldest) feels impossible with twins. Honestly wish I could call Supernanny some days.

Is he a firstborn? Number 1 was just like this, but number 2 was a delight and never did this type of thing. Just a mention of soft play and he would virtually change his own nappy!!

I’ve found it works best not to phrase things in a “you’ve got to put your coat on” way. If I tell my 3 yr old to do anything it’s like she instinctively says no. Whereas if I just take her coat and offer it out to her to put her arms into, with no words, she will just put it on without any fuss. Or I distract her with other things while getting her to do the stuff I want, eg “ooh let’s look at those birds out the window while I put these shoes on”, then only talk about the birds, not about the shoes. Or you can say things like “which shoes are good for running about in at the park? Ok let’s get your trainers on I’m excited to run about” etc. Positivity and getting them involved.
So tough though sometimes when you just need them to do something quickly!

Isn't that their job description?