Blended family issues

[Ldw95]

Hi ladies,

Hoping you can offer some advice as I’m struggling and starting to feel a little sad. Before I continue I wanted to say I have read in to this and know it can take a good few years.

I have two sons, separated from their dad over two years ago on excellent terms (we’re good friends and the boys regularly see us together) and started seeing my partner 15 months ago. We left it a good while to do introductions and my partner was introduced initially as my friend.

We’re 7 months in to this now and my oldest son (5) is extremely resistant. His behaviour when my partner is around is a complete contrast to his true lovely personality. He talks about awful things, death, violence, gore. Things he would never say otherwise and I’ve no idea where it comes from. He becomes loud and aggressive, goading my partner as if wanting an argument. He behaves like a grown man who doesn’t want another man in his environment, maybe exactly what’s going on I guess?

My partner tries changing the subject and distracting him, we’ve also tried ignoring the behaviour all together and nothing seems to work, it just serves to escalate the situation until we’re in a full meltdown where he screams, hits things, throws things. I’m sure you’re familiar with the tantrum

Any tips and advice from anyone who’s been in this situation would really be great. TIA X

Not my experience but from my friends. The only thing I can suggest is to scale your dp's visits back, or just have him over when your children are at their dads. It's sounds as though its overwhelming for him. The gore talk might me showing off to your partner, but the rest sounds like stress, frustration and probably needing you to himself.

Sounds like anxiety manifesting itself to me. I would suggest slowing right down and scaling it all back for now. Maybe try introductions again in a while.

Your son is obviously struggling with being introduced to a new partner. Probably not want you want to hear because your partner sounds great but you should place your son firmly at the top of your priorities and perhaps not try to blend so soon. He is so little, he is not a grown man trying to be alpha, he is a small boy needing to feel secure and you only get to do this right once.

Thank you all! I suppose that is the only way for it! My issue initially was I felt as though I was keeping a part of my life from the sons and wanted my partner to know me as a mum and the other side of my life if that makes sense! Chilling it off for a few months I think would be beneficial for us all I think! Thank you