Spare a thought for the parent of a wild one!

[frazzled101]

I'm hoping some parents here will know the feeling.

I have a 3.5 year old and he is wild. He's always doing the dangerous things whilst other children play nicely. It's just the way he is and no amount of me telling him not to do something helps, he's incredibly stubborn.

Today we went to a particular toddler group for the first time along with my 4 mth old baby.

Generally the children playing were a lot younger than him.

There was a tub of water with toys in it which he played with for a long time and obviously soaked himself. No big deal, I had spare clothes and changed him.

There was a massive container which had foam shapes in it. He insisted on taking nearly all the pieces out and then was trying to climb into the container.

The woman in charge handed him a ball and he threw it away, and she made a face.

There was a speaker on the floor and he kept hitting the button on it to change the radio station.

At this stage my baby started crying so I grabbed our stuff and left. I felt so much judgement from the other mothers who were mostly sat chatting while their children played peacefully on their own.

I do my very best to parent my son and I wish parents with more sedate children could spend 1 day with a more demanding child to see what it's like.

I'm trying to get out and about more with both children as I had PND while I was on maternity leave the first time, and days like today really knock my confidence.

Sorry that you've had a bad experience OP.

How about finding some groups or places for him to socialise that are more physical so that he can use his energy that way? Soft play obviously springs to mind.

My DD wasn't suited to toddler group either, although for different reasons. I just didn't bother with it, as what's the point if DD won't love it and I'll find it stressful because she's not doing what's 'expected'.

We spent a heck of a lot of time outside at this age, building dens in the woods, rolling down hills etc!

@INeedNewShoes thanks for your message. Yes he is definitely more suited to soft play, we go most weeks.

We've had weeks of rain but as soon as it starts to improve we'll be back at the play park which he also loves.

I was you,

All the other parents sitting chatting and drinking tea, while I was running here there and every where after my toddler causing mischief.. all with a baby strapped to my chest 😂 he did not sit still, so curious, had to get into everything.

Try not to worry what other parents think. Your child is just exploring his world.. just more actively than others.

No he's 6 he's calmed down alot. Just ask alot of questions now lol xx

*now my son is 6

Yes! My DS1 was always running around and climbing on things while the other children were sitting and playing nicely. If it helps he's a very kind polite teenager now, still active and sporty! Try not to feel judged OP (easier said than done I know). He's exploring, not misbehaving. I thought you were going to say he was hitting the other kids or something.

Sounds like you've got an intelligent and curious soul there.

I've been there with both of mine.

One of them has calmed down into a reasonably chilled teenager but the other one is still like a tornado at the age of 9.

I've left many a toddler group in tears because of the judgy looks and my childrens inability to do anything they are told.

BUT on the positive side they are a LOT of fun. One of them is mostly insanely happy and skips along the street. He is great at sports and the fastest runner in his school and athletics class.

But it's very tiring as a parent!

Are you sure they are judging? I mean only you know what was going on, but it sounds like you were understandably pretty anxious about the whole thing anyway. Are you sure you aren’t projecting? I also am one of those parents who can’t sit down at toddler group. Other parents have been nothing but lovely and to be honest I’d say at least 50% are in a similar boat: the ones sitting down chatting are in the minority. I’m always amazed at the judgement people seem to perceive at these things. Maybe I’m just oblivious to it. Maybe the ones I go to are particularly friendly. I’d feel absolutely awful if I saw a mother leaving with her toddler and crying baby as she felt she couldn’t stay. I really hope this hasn’t knocked you too much - your son is normal (at least I hope he is!) and you are doing a great job!

I have one my DD. DD is so physical and takes the hitting phase to the next level, she's the one that just runs in full pelt. And she kicks, screams and runs about during activities.

My DS when younger was very curious and had a hitting phase, although he's the most sweet sensitive boy now.

I thought maybe it was because they are bored, maybe too intelligent. But now my DS is at school he's very average intelligence so sadly I'm not sure if my theory , but at least he's calmed down. Could just be my bad parenting then 😂

My DS was like this too. I never got to be the mum chilling out at toddler groups! I got him into a toddler gymnastics class which he really enjoyed. He never got over his love of activity and is now 20yo and a circus performer (acrobat) which makes him very happy!

@YolandiFuckinVisser

My DS was like this too. I never got to be the mum chilling out at toddler groups! I got him into a toddler gymnastics class which he really enjoyed. He never got over his love of activity and is now 20yo and a circus performer (acrobat) which makes him very happy!

Brilliant! I think DS thinks he's already in a circus 😂

My 3 yo DD is like this. She's spirited and intelligent and confident, but she also climbs anything and everything she can, messes with stuff and has to be told 3-4 times to stop doing something she shouldn't. I've never been able to just sit and chat to other parents at a toddler group because I need to keep an eye on what she's doing. I like to think I've been given her and her confidence for a reason and not just to test me! We signed her up to gymnastics since she was already climbing everything and it does help a little.

I agree with a previous poster, are you sure you were being judged and not just projecting your own fears? Emptying containers/climbing inside/throwing appropriate objects all sounds fine to me.
Things my feral darlings have done around that age include knocking over a Christmas tree, singing loudly into a spare microphone in church and emptying every ball in multiple ball pits. Some of their friends have done much worse. Exploring, climbing and physical play have always been their thing. We did an inflatable obstacle course at half term with 10ft walls, my now almost 4 year old and her big brother sailed over so all the climbing comes in useful.

In fairness maybe they weren't judging but it felt like it.

I don't think any of my sons behaviour was particularly bad. I think part of the problem was they rest of the children were between 18-36 months, so at 3.5, he looked a bit boisterous and scary compared to the rest.

I'm glad he's not the only "spirited" child out there, and if he becomes an acrobat it will all be worth it!

Are there any groups aimed at older children or more physical ones locally. The age gap between my two is very similar and a gym class run by the local authority was one of the best things for us at those ages. He got to run about, climb etc surrounded by his peers and I could sit and chat with his little sister.

My DS was like this, super curious, needed to pull everything apart to see how it worked. It was challenging to parent him in the sort of situation you describe. He's grown into a super intelligent adult. He still has an insatiable curiosity and has lead an incredibly interesting, if unconventional, life. It takes all sorts and the world is a richer place because of this!

I’m sorry you felt judged. I help run a toddler group and this sounds normal to me, I’ve never sat down and chatted (standing up and chatting with regular interruptions yes) and my children are fairly middle-of-the-road when it comes to spiritedness. Your child wasn’t running over the smaller children which would be the only thing that might annoy other parents, so it wouldn’t bother me at all

“ I’d feel absolutely awful if I saw a mother leaving with her toddler and crying baby as she felt she couldn’t stay. ”

Me too

I wish parents with more sedate children could spend 1 day with a more demanding child to see what it's like

You've just judged them and their children on the basis of what you see during an hour-long class.

They probably haven't judged you but felt for you. And if they seemed annoyed or fed up that's because they probably felt like that overall. Maybe having had difficult few hours or the night before with their own children.

I’ve got two feral children. 4 and 18 months. Tbh I pick where we go very carefully. In the good weather we are usually outside.

I have two children and they are chalk and cheese. I agree that some parents really have no idea. To be fair if I’d just had my second child I’d probably feel (unjustifiably) smug too! Try to ignore them.

I'm lucky in that we have a couple of soft play centres and a trampoline centre not too far away. Plus as the weather picks up we'll be in the parks more.

So I do have other less stressful options!

My dd was an angel but my son never sat still for a moment. He had to be running, jumping, or climbing. Turned out he had ADHD. He was a lot better when he went swimming, running or trampolining. He slept a little more. If he had to stay in for a couple of days he barely slept at all.

With my eldest we spent time outside in all weathers. No-one around to interrupt him being him. Dressed in appropriate clothing, park all to himself and no-one to moan about his shouting his head off as he raced around and jumping in puddles or having a snowball fight. Would go around nap time and the youngest warm asleep.

My eldest was like this at toddler groups years ago, now a lovely teenager - almost 15. He is very smart and funny. But I found it very stressful years ago with him so hardly went to those groups and preferred outdoor play areas as did he.

Sympathies from me. I know what it's like!

My mum couldn’t take one of my siblings to toddler groups because he went through a long phase of biting (he is a very kind and non-violent adult now!). Running, shouting, jumping etc seems completely normal to me, I know a lot of children of varying levels of energy