Feel on the edge - no sleep

[Dotty08]

Hey mums
How do you cope with no sleep?
My five month old was a great sleeper (had started to go 6 hours some nights, but the very least 3 hours - fed then straight to sleep) but recently was in intensive care for a few weeks after heart surgery that didn’t go to plan.
Since she’s been home she doesn’t sleep for more than an hour at a time. Sometimes awake every 40 minutes and I’m really really struggling to cope.
I don’t think it’d be half as bad if I hadn’t just had that trauma
DH is working so feel as though I can’t ask him to help or how will he function at work.
I’m feeling really desperate at times.

Hi didn't want to read and run. I know how you feel, sleep deprivation is appalling and will make you feel utterly desperate. You are traumatised and this on top is too much, you need support. Your husband needs to step up - yes he has to work but you cannot shoulder this on your own. He could manage on broken sleep for a while, you need a stretch of sleep, it's not possible for you to do it alone. You must ask/tell him. Work out a plan.

Is there anyone else who could come to stay to help? Or could you afford a night nanny for a couple of weeks to help?

@Dotty08 you really, really can't function on no sleep. There's a reason sleep deprivation is used as a torture device. You must ask your DH to help by doing shifts - for example you go to bed at 8pm as soon as your DD has gone down and your husband deals with her until 1am then you swap. Or whatever timings work for you. Put on white noise and ear plugs so you can't hear her.
That way you each get a decent chunk. IME it's the only way to survive it. Also, don't feel guilty; you are both working, doing valuable work. You won't be able to function doing your job if this carries on.

Sending (and it will get better).

I think your husband need to be off work for a few weeks. Maybe he can take parental leave (unpaid generally and not related to mat leave, just his entitlement for caring for children) or sick leave if he says he is stressed by the operation the Gp would sign him off. It might not be possible financially, but if it is even remotely possible I think this sounds like a two person job (at least!). Good luck and I hope your little girl recovers well.

Sorry you've had such a scary time.

My husband is doing half the nights with our breastfed baby because otherwise I couldn't cope. He works too OP. It's been going on here since the four month leap and now almost eight months.

Your DH needs to step up - he should be doing so already. Tell him what you need, don't ask him. Anyone who could help during the day so you could get a nap?

Hope you're little one is doing ok.

[quote glowingtwig]@Dotty08 you really, really can't function on no sleep. There's a reason sleep deprivation is used as a torture device. You must ask your DH to help by doing shifts - for example you go to bed at 8pm as soon as your DD has gone down and your husband deals with her until 1am then you swap. Or whatever timings work for you. Put on white noise and ear plugs so you can't hear her.
That way you each get a decent chunk. IME it's the only way to survive it. Also, don't feel guilty; you are both working, doing valuable work. You won't be able to function doing your job if this carries on.

Sending (and it will get better). [/quote]
Agree. It what my husband and I are currently suffering through doing

Hi OP, I’m so sorry you’re going through this on top of the trauma of hospital with your little one. Sleep deprivation is hellish. Your husband needs to help, it doesn’t matter that he’s working, you will make yourself unwell through lack of sleep (I’ve been there!)
What are his hours? My DH was better with early mornings than late nights, so I would sleep early evening if I needed to, take over at about ten and then he would often get up at 4am and take the baby for 4 hours so I could sleep. We were both shattered, but he got 6 hours so he was safe to drive.
Just a thought - have you spoken to your medical team about if there’s anything that could be causing the disturbed sleep linked to baby being so poorly? Xx

This is so hard. DS1 was up every 30-40 minutes for around 23 months. We tried absolutely everything. A sleep study showed that he may have enlarged tonsils/adenoids due to a dip in oxygen saturation.

We decided not to go ahead with a tonsillectomy as I was due DS2 a few weeks later. Suddenly, he just started sleeping longer and now he wakens around 3x per night. Still a bit shit but loads better.

In the early days I just came to terms with the fact that sleep wasn't a thing. I upped the sertraline dose, kept stocked on coffee and went to every possible baby class available (until fucking covid struck and I was a puddle of depression at home instead).

But if I were to brave that storm again, I'm not sure I would have done anything differently. Getting out the house was the main thing that kept me going!