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Parenting

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Original poster

Should I keep a baby im unsure I want?

24 replies

Anonymouslyposting1996 · 02/03/2022 07:57

This may be triggering to some people so please be aware!

I have been told I'm clinically infertile, but recently found out I'm pregnant. My baby's father doesn't want anything to do with me or the child, so if I kept it, I would be solely doing it alone!
On one hand I don't want to regret having the baby and having to raise it for the rest of my life (don't get me wrong, I would love and care for it the best I can possibly imagine!)
And on the other hand I don't want to regret losing it, later down the line when I cant conceive again.
I have worked out how I will cope financially, and that isn't an issue. I have plans in place for everything. I just dont know if I want it or am ready for it rn. What would you do?

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L0stinCyberspace · 02/03/2022 08:14

I would keep the baby, but that is me. Honestly, this is such a personal decision...you will have regrets and relief either way. If, as you say, affordability is not an issue, imagine if this was the only time you could conceive? Wishing you peace with whatever decision you make. X

GeneLovesJezebel · 02/03/2022 08:18

I would keep the baby if I could afford it.

SerendipitySunshine · 02/03/2022 08:19

Yes, I'd keep the baby. Becoming a parent is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

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Gonnagetgoing · 02/03/2022 08:21

I'd keep the baby if I could afford it.

Gonnagetgoing · 02/03/2022 08:22

I would however, get in touch with CMS etc for support financially. The baby's father may not want anything to do with the baby but he is responsible partly for this baby.

Roselilly36 · 02/03/2022 08:22

I would have the baby, but what’s right for me, may not be right for you. Having my children has made my life, never had any regrets, I love being their mum. Good luck.

Raindancer411 · 02/03/2022 08:23

In those circumstances I would keep the baby myself. I would regret it later if life if it never happened again. Saying that it also depends on your age...

Raindancer411 · 02/03/2022 08:26

Pressed send too early... My DH had tests and was told he would never have kids without help. Met me and we learned I was pregnant... 8 years later it happened again... so it can happen but you need to ask yourself will you be happy if it never happened again, or would you be ok with an egg doner or adoption if it didn't?

merrymelodies · 02/03/2022 08:30

That'll a very personal decision, OP. It depends on your age, your income, your desire to parent...

Personally, having my two children is by far the best choice I ever made. They have brought me so much happiness and taught me to be less self-centred. I've found strength and resilience that I never imagined. It's hard work but I have no regrets. I'm grateful for them. And love them infinitely. But that's just me; not everyone feels the way I do. And maybe you won't either.

Think about it and eventually you'll come to the right decision. And be at peace with whatever you choose.

ginslinger · 02/03/2022 08:32

Going against the grain here - I wouldn't have the baby.
I had a termination many years ago in very similar circs to you. I have never regretted it.

Zillamop · 02/03/2022 08:35

I would find an impartial, experienced counsellor to help me make the choice.

Figgygal · 02/03/2022 08:38

Do you want children or had you shut yourself off from the possibility?
Children arent for everyone its the most significant choice you can make if they werent in your plan and its not what you want thats a legitimate choice

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 02/03/2022 08:40

Personally I wouldn't keep it as the circumstances wouldn't be ideal for me.

My DP was told he would have trouble having children and I have various medical issues that point to the same, yet we had no trouble conceiving several times (late 30s). We didn't go ahead with the first pregnancy as it wasn't right for us for various reasons and we haven't regretted it.
I guess it depends how much you really want to be a parent - I'd have accepted us not being able to conceive again with no issue or regret. But I also wouldn't want to be linked to a person who wasn't fit to be a parent and potentially have issues down the line if he decides he does want involvement.
Both my DP and my stepmum have had contact from their dads who never wanted anything to do with them. It was distressing for them having someone turn up out of the blue.

gogohm · 02/03/2022 08:42

It's a very personal decision, do you have real life support, being a single parent isn't easy (not talking about money).

There's also a third option, go through with the pregnancy and if you decide you cannot do it alone you could put your child up for adoption after birth, it's not common now but bare it in mind in case your can't decide now.

Nelliephant1 · 02/03/2022 08:46

I'm a big believer in things happening for a reason, that little one is meant to be here with you as his/her mum.

SockFluffInTheBath · 02/03/2022 08:53

Is being a mum something you wanted in your future regardless of this pregnancy? If yes and the odds are against a repeat then I’d think about continuing this pg. If not then I’d be inclined to consider a termination, don’t guilt yourself into keeping it because it was unlikely to have happened.

rainbowraindrop · 02/03/2022 09:04

I was diagnosed as infetile at 19, 10 years later I spent thousands on ivf to conceive. When it worked I suddenly didn't want a baby anymore, I was adamant I'd made a huge mistake and regretted it so much.
Counselling really helped.. I think I'd just accepted I'd never be a parent and when I found out I was pregnant I didn't feel like it would actually result in a baby so I kind of wanted to take control to avoid being disappointed.
He's 3 now and my absolute world, I have my husband, so I know it's a different situation but it's actually quite common for someone with fertility issues to feel this way.

Before you found out you were pregnant did you want a baby? Fear, anxiety and utter panic is completely normal when the reality of the responsibility of having a child becomes a reality! With the added worry about doing it alone, it's so understandable you feel this way!

Go find a counsellor and talk it through, they'll help you understand your feelings. I really wouldn't make the decision without some professional help to make sense of it all.

Whatever decision you make is OK.

L0stinCyberspace · 02/03/2022 10:04

I agree with the others who suggested a professional counsellor. It's way too big a decision to decide alone, especially as it's a shock you conceived naturally. X

Choppingonions · 02/03/2022 10:09

This may be your only opportunity to be a parent. Unless you're on the fence about wanting children or in an abusive relationship there would be no question about prioritizing this for me

Chely · 02/03/2022 11:29

I would only terminate a pregnancy if I was 100% sure that was best for me. If any doubt at all I would keep it and make everything else work around them.

Froppysue · 02/03/2022 11:32

It’s a very personal decision and one only you can make. Could you speak to a councillor/therapist to help you decide?
Wishing you all the best.

LetsGoDoDoDo · 02/03/2022 11:41

You have two decisions to make here...

Do you want to keep the baby?
Do you want to keep your DP?

Each to their own but your partner doesnt sound terribly supportive. Other 'surprises' can pop up in life. Is he really the person who will support you through them?

I hope that you make the choice that's right for you. Personally, I've had two pregancies, the second one I terminated for a whole host of reasons that I won't go into. For both pregnancies I didn't feel it was a choice I had to make as there was a very obvious path to follow for each scenario. Both ended in the right outcome for my circumstances. I just knew what i had to do. I hope that insight is helpful to you.

As pp have said, perhaps some counselling would help if you're really struggling.

LetsGoDoDoDo · 02/03/2022 11:43

Apologies, I misread the OP. If you do keep the baby make sure you contact CMS!

inheritancetrack · 02/03/2022 11:53

As you have plans for all eventualities I would let your heart rule your head on this one. Imagine going for a termination, or actually booking it, and see how you feel. The actual act can sometimes be the determining factor.

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