Constant battle with partner over screen time

[Sunshine1996]

DD is only 14 months old. I am constantly arguing with my partner over him putting on Disney films for DD. I know this sounds over the top but I hate how engrossed she gets in the tv from such a young age and I worry how it will effect her development. DD was cuddled up on the sofa watching a film and I said about popping to the corner shop on her trike and to go to the park. When I tried to pick her up she cried and climbed back to partner which has made him now say that she wants to watch films so why interfere with that. I’m at my wits end. I really don’t mind a little bit of tv use say 10-15 minutes but not a whole film at this age. I keep the tv off when I am home with DD so it’s not constant but I still worry this will effect her as it’s such a big amount of time in front of a screen.

Oh my. That sounds difficult.

FWIW I don't think you sound over the top at all. My LO is younger (coming on 6 months), and he gets no screen time, and as he grows older and more mobile, DH and I will be limiting (aka eliminating) our screen time in favour of other more active pursuits.

Would it help to highlight to him that the WHO recommend no sedentary screen time for a child as young as yours? And that of course she's engrossed. It's colorful, dynamic and designed to capture and keep attention.

Are there other activities that he can share with her?

Best of luck!

Watching a film is fine. If it were an all day film marathon I'd understand the worry.

Watching one film?
Nothing wrong with that at all.

She was cuddled up with her dad watching a film, why would you interrupt that?

You are right, OP. Have a look at this:
www.unicef.org/parenting/child-development/babies-screen-time

“the World Health Organization recommends no screen time for babies under 2 and no more than one hour of screen time a day for those aged 2 to 4.”

How often? I wouldn't be that worried about it on a weekly or whatever basis. Screen time is only bad if it's at the detriment of other stuff, but it sounds like she has plenty of screen-free time to do other stuff, so watching a film with her dad at the weekend for an hour or so wouldn't bother me.

I'd be impressed if a child that young could sit still and watch a full hour+ long film! My 6 year old SD can barely do that. Maybe she was just annoyed you tried to stop her from what she was doing, though. However if you don't want her watching a film, or TV at all, he should be respecting that as much as possible. I'd perhaps compromise if she does seem to really enjoy it though (and it definitely doesn't interfere with anything else), but I'd stipulate only once a week and as a whole family.

I don't see what's wrong with a whole film at the weekend? She would naturally want to finish it if she was enjoying it, and it's nice bonding time with her Dad.

Other than that I'd say 15 mins on a couple of week days and some screen free days.

I think you are right to be on top of it through. There's plenty of evidence that excessive screen time is bad you can refer your DP to.

She’s watching it with her dad. That’s very different to a child being give an iPad and ignored. There are different types of screen time and this sounds like a nice bonding experience for both of them.

My dp has a disability and doesn’t always have the capability or energy to go on walks or days out with the kids. Watching TV together is something they really enjoy.

A bit dismayed at the posters saying fine for a 14 month old to watch a film. What exactly do they think the child is getting out of it- an appreciation for the plot?! She's so young, far too young to be able to get anything meaningful out of it and far too young to be sitting still for that long. At 14mo most kids are pretty pysched by a wooden spoon and a colander, or helping fill up a bowl of water with some stones; just think how boring that would seem to a littl'un who's got used to all those colours and noises! In short, I'd be pissed off too OP- I think you're totally in the right and your DP is being a bit of a lazy arse.

I raised DD2 during lockdowns & a pandemic while both her parents tried to home school & work full time. Safe to say DD2 watched HOURS of TV with her older sister because how else did we survive? She’s 2 now & smashing her milestones. Nursery sing her praises for being ahead for her age in most areas, for being gentle, kind & very sociable. She talks non stop, she cuddles non-stop, she rarely cries and is really good at playing by herself. She doesn’t demand your attention unlike big sis. Probably a result of lockdown & being ignored while we were on the phone to clients & customers 🥴 god, it was hell on earth.

Screens are not the devil. The hours of lockdown TV haven’t remotely harmed my kids. The harm comes from TV being their only source of entertainment & adults not talking or playing with them. We do this in abundance. We do toddler classes & go for walks & scoots & to the park. We see friends & family every week. My kid has a very rounded life of which screens are a nice way of calming down and giving us a break!

Well said zolla

Just a way to shut her up and he doesn’t actually have to DO anything with her
DH does this and I comment every time
Does my head in.
No , she won’t be traumatised but it’s just lazy.

It's fine.

Everything in moderation. My 2 year old probably watches one of the frozen films every day. But she also plays with her toys, runs round the house giggling to herself, goes to nursery, goes to the park, does puzzles, you name it.

There are a lot of hours in the day for toddlers to keep busy. A film is only a small part of it.
Watching films all day? Maybe. There's a difference.

@Yellowsubhubabubbub

Just a way to shut her up and he doesn’t actually have to DO anything with her DH does this and I comment every time Does my head in. No , she won’t be traumatised but it’s just lazy.

Yes it's lazy. Are we not allowed to be lazy sometimes? Especially if your toddler is being lazy with you!

When mine were little it was Watch With Mother after lunch, and later-on Play School mid-morning and Children's TV from 5 to 6. I would usually watch with them. That gave them plenty of time to do other things. I sometimes wish it was like that now. When my grandchildren were little there was schools' TV as well.

OP I think the arguing with your partner will be more detrimental than your DD watching a film with her father.

Surely it’s fine if you do all the other stuff in addition?? There are a lot of hours in a day, kids films/tv programs are short. Plenty of hours left to play, do a toddler class, sing some songs, amuse herself with a toy, take her out for fresh air….

If she does all the other stuff in addition then it’s not a hill i’d die on personally.

@WheelieBinPrincess

Surely it’s fine if you do all the other stuff in addition?? There are a lot of hours in a day, kids films/tv programs are short. Plenty of hours left to play, do a toddler class, sing some songs, amuse herself with a toy, take her out for fresh air….

If she does all the other stuff in addition then it’s not a hill i’d die on personally.

I’d imagine OP is actually doing those activities and facilitating her learning and stimulation, but her boyfriend is chucking on Disney+ every time it’s ‘his turn’

It’s lazy. A 14 month old should not be parked in front of the TV.

It’s not right if it’s all the time but Jesus, we are allowed to be a bit lazy sometimes. The odd film will do no harm. Sorry of some parents think they need to be constant children’s entertainers and performing sealions, it must be bloody exhausting.