Why don't babies just nap?

[FFSparenting]

First time mum and first time mumsnet poster here. I have an amazing almost 8 month year old boy who is doing really well in general but WILL NOT nap unless I walk him around singing for ages. I have to wait till he is almost asleep or is asleep then lay him down when he will usually cry and I have to shove in his dummy quick. Doesn't feel like a great way to teach him to nap.

Bed time is much better as he's more tired and will usually go to sleep by himself (with dummy usually) or with a quick cuddle/rock.

I did used to have some success with laying him in his cot for naps but now he just rolls around in his cot. I think he sees it as a place to play and he since he learnt to roll onto his front he keeps doing it and getting his head stuck in the corners and across the cot. So I'm stuck rocking an increasingly heavy baby.

I wondered if anyone has any advice on how I can get him to nap by himself with less help from me? I may be part of the problem as I keep picking him up because he's just rolling around getting more and more over tired. But it's getting to a critical point as soon I won't be able to rock him.

Any help or advice would be great.

Mine is 15 months and I've often thought this! Especially when you can tell they're tired but just won't sleep. How many naps is he on? My DD switched to two from three at exactly eight months, so it could be that he's ready to drop one if you haven't already. If you think he seems a bit hyper, he could be overtired and you may want to look at reducing his wake windows slightly. Other than that...sympathy, it's a pain, especially when you'd do anything for a nap

I forgot to add that as well as the mechanics of getting him to sleep for naps he also does very short ones e.g. 30/40mins with an occasional random long one every now and again. I basically feel I'm doing naps all wrong and they feel like a battle. How do you teach a baby to nap for longer or get more of a routine? I generally use awake windows but maybe I should watch for tired signs more I don't know.

Thanks chocopuffs, before I had a baby I thought they just went to sleep when tired - what a fool! Generally he's still on 3 naps but I've noticed sometimes he doesn't fall asleep for the third nap which I usually do by taking him for a walk as he sleeps more easily in the pram. But today he has done two what I call 'crap naps' of 30 mins each so will need a third one. I hate naps! Will be a relief when he does go down to two or even one.

Watching this as I'm struggling with my almost 7 month old! She's a nightmare when it comes to napping

Mine wouldn't nap for more than 15 mins unless he was in the sling or car seat. I just carried him around in the sling the end, it was easier than trying to get any sort of 'normal' nap. Suspect reflux was a large part of the problem in our case

He's probably ready for less naps.

Also, babies sometimes have difficulty linking up sleep cycles, which are usually 30 mins. When he wakes after 30 mins, try soothing him through to the next sleep cycle. As he stirs to wake up just gently rub or pat his back and try to soothe him back to sleep.

Yes I remember this so well with all of my little ones, it’s an awful stage and lasts for ages! It’s relentless. Generally by their first birthday most will move towards having one large nap at about midday, but the months up to that stage are difficult. Going to nursery can help, as they tend to get all children into this early lunch then long nap routine.
I would encourage baby to nap in their cot where possible, and to fall asleep on their own but remember that it’s not often what baby wants (and sometimes they’re so tired they don’t know what they want).
I think a good routine helps- periods of play/ fresh air and plenty of stimulation followed by a quieter period and a warm drink of milk then quietly placed down for a nap.
If that doesn’t work just remember it doesn’t last for ever and the chances are that by 12/18 months most will move into a stage of having one big nap in their cot and you can finally go to the loo/ eat lunch/ tidy around etc etc

For what it's worth try not to worry about how good he is at napping because they don't nap after the first few years. It's not an essential skill like potty training or swimming, there is no failure here.

Just do what's easiest for you.

Don't worry too much OP, as frustrating as it is the 30 min naps are just kind of normal at that age. You'll probably find when he drops to two he doesn't some longer ones - either in the morning or afternoon. Mine tended to do a longer one from 9.30-11ish then another from 2-3ish. And then when he drops to one it'll be longer again. Dropping naps feels so unrealistic when you're in a thick of it but it will just click one day when they're able to stay awake longer. It's so, so stressful but it does get gradually easier as they drop them (at least as far as I am!) but the transitions are a bit hard.

Ours will drift off in chair or cot at home but if we are visiting people she will kick up a stink when she is tired and fight it.

Because they don't want to.
Because they're not tired enough.
Because they're too tired
Because they what to play
Because they want to eat
Because they need to poop
Because they love you
Because they miss you
Because the world is too exciting
Because the world is too bright
Because the world is too overwhelming
Because they want another book
Because they want another kiss
Because they like the woozy feeling of being so tired you're going to fall asleep in their pasta
Because they know you haven't had coffee in 3 hours
Because they know you haven't eaten in 5 hours
Because sleep is for losers and they're not a loser

Thanks so much for your replies, had a difficult afternoon/evening as he wouldn't nap anymore and was so tired. So nice to read your advice. I think i try too hard sometimes and should give up sooner and try again later perhaps. And think he might be droppinghis third nap yes so i suppose it will be a bit rocky while he settles into a new pattern.

Feel relieved to know its not just me struggling with bloody naps!

If he’s sleeping well at night, he has the ability to link his sleep cycles etc sounds like.
I would start with a consistent approach and stick with it. So use your wake window/when you think he’s tired, do a small wind down routine (a story, cuddle, sleeping bag, lights off, white noise?), put him in the cot and pat and say shhh then walk away. I’m sure he’ll cry, but give it 3 mins (use a timer so you don’t go in too early!!) and then go back in and pat and shhh so he knows you’re there, then leave again, wait 3 mins. Repeat. Can extend time to 5 mins if you feel your presence is stimulating/making it worse. Eventually he should fall asleep. Do this every nap, every day. It’s not for everyone, but once they can nap independently, game changer. They sleep better, are more rested and so are you.
But as others say, it’s not forever and sometimes just use what you can to get through.
As he can do it at bedtime, he can do it at nap time, there is just less physiological drive to do it as no sleepy hormone so you have to work a little harder at helping him settle himself.

@ShleepyMumma wow. I literally just did what you said and she fell asleep in her cot. Lots of crying (she always cries so I'm very used to it so wasn't distressing) but didn't take long. I hope it's not just a one off. You may have changed my life

@R1cciteddy ah good! Glad it worked. Just keep doing that, every nap, every time for a little while, just to get her used to it and hopefully you’ll be onto a winner!! The crying is never enjoyable but it’s their only way of communicating so don’t let it upset you too much. If it’s horrific, you can always go in and try again another time. Fingers crossed for you moving forward x

I dis this with my little boy- he was crying because he was tired- and I was still there with him so I hadn’t abandoned him, but rocking and cuddling him actually wasn’t helping him get the amount of sleep he needed any more. I gave him a very soft blanket toy at that time, which he used to cover his eyes with and stroke his face with when he was trying to get to sleep. It’s now 7 years old and sooo well loved, he still loves it to bits. So if your DD has a favourite blanket or soft toy you could introduce that as a comforter too. It all helps.

If they're calm but awake in the cot do lots of pretend yawning (or real!) and long slow blinks while they're looking at you.

If they're fussy or if the yawning and blinking isn't working try rubbing quite quickly but gently in between their eyes with your index finger so it makes them blink. You can also gently stroke a muslin across the eyes to give the same effect.

I did these things pretty much from a few weeks old and they were all fantastic nappers. I'm famous in the family for making babies fall asleep!

Till I had my first (now in double digits) I didn’t realise that babies didn’t ‘get’ that when they were tired going to sleep would magically solve that problem. I mean DUH.

But actually please don’t stress about naps. Naps are not forever. My first stopped napping after 2. And I spent most of those two years stressing about naps and timings. Should have just let it go. Overall sleep habits are much more important than naps even if in the moment they feel all encompassing. My top tip for a nap second time around was: do whatever it takes to get them to nap. Whatever. Feed/rock/sacrifice a goat. But reserve that for nap time only not evening bedtime. Babies are smart little things and will know the difference. That way you get a little break in the day and nighttime sleep is separate.

I’ve had one who had the worst FOMO you’ve ever seen literally cannot sleep in daylight and one who I can plonk in the cot and he shuffles and grunts himself asleep and has done since he was born.

So.. what I learnt from no1 (bad sleeper) was eventually you have to just go through it, the ‘letting them get overtired so that they learn to fall asleep on their own’ stage has to happen at some point. Why not just start now?

It’ll be a few days but then it’ll be fine.

OP do you have a blackout blind? I got a travel one in a charity shop and decided to try it. It makes the room as dark as if it was night and she went from maximum 30 minute naps to 1.5hours over the course of a week.

I know all babies are different but this is what worked for us!

Just thought I'd update, after more crying than yesterday she fell asleep again in her cot. She was very upset and took a bit of shushing and patting in the end. Then tonight she fell asleep (in our bed as we cosleep) on her own with zero crying!

I think it just comes a time where self soothing is the only option. Glad I didn't do it sooner, the time was right.

After another day of rocking and crap 30 min naps I tried your method ShleepyMumma and did a little wind down (story, sleep bag, pink noise, closed curtains) and the first one he just kept crying and also flipping himself over and getting stuck (more crying) so eventually I did pick him up (fail!) but it took a much shorter time for him to fall asleep. He napped for an hour! Then next nap he cried a little and kept shushing and rearranging him, giving him his comforter and dummy and he went to sleep, no ricking!!! And did a good hour and a half.

Did it again this morning and did have to pick up after a while (but again only briefly) and he did almost 2 hours napping!!

I really hope it carries on like this. I know I shouldn't pick him up but I suppose as long as I'm giving him some time to settle himself and he does it some of the time that is progress. And I keep trying. I don't know why I didn't do a wind down routine before I just used to plonk him in the cot so no wonder I was rocking him for ages. Thanks so much for all your advice.

One more question - do they eventually stop flipping themselves over and getting stuck in the cot and crying? He has started doing it a bit at night. I think I should give him more time in the day to practice his rolling.

@FFSparenting ah yay! So glad to hear it’s working and you’re getting nearly 2 hour naps! The dream. Yes keep giving him the time to settle and just be mindful of how much you pick him up. Absolutely fine to do it when he’s distressed etc but just keep putting him back down so that he doesn’t need you for every sleep cycle!
So when you say flipping himself over, as in he’s rolling? And he rolls onto his front and then is upset about it? This lasts about 2 weeks id say, tops. Think my DD did this for 7 days before it stopped. As you say lots of day time practice and at sleep times just roll him back onto his back, quick pat, leave the room. Once he can roll front to back and back to front without help you can leave him on his front if he falls asleep like that!

Once they can successfully roll I think it’s fine for them to sleep on their tummy if they prefer, so help baby if they’re stuck up in a corner and need rescuing but you don’t need to keep flipping them onto their back. From what I remember once they can roll they can choose, and lots of people sleep better and for longer on their tummy.