Do you let toddler win?

[Proudmamma2]

Ds is almost 4. We were playing Top Trumps yesterday and as he loves sharks he wanted to keep all the shark cards. When I won one off him he refused to give it to me and started screaming.

I said that if he just wanted to look and hold the shark cards it was OK we could stop playing and he could just do that, but that if he wants to play we need to follow the rules.

Anyway, he had a tantrum and it ruined the moment when I just wanted to have some fun with him before bed.

So it got me wondering, should I have just let him play his way?

I just get worried about him getting used to having his own way and not having friends in future because he won't be very nice to play with! But does it matter at that age already?

No, I don't let dc win. I do let them have a fair chance but ask them to play by the rules.

Depends. I do think games like that are good for learning how to lose sort of gracefully - so I don’t always let them win. Otoh, right before bedtime I’d probably see a way to let them win if I could!

Depends what we’re playing. If we’re playing footie in he’s in goal then I let DS4 save some and miss some, otherwise id utterly destroy him! Things like too trumps I expect him to play by the rules but if yours is used to always winning I think I’d gradually let him lose a few more.

I play it half and half, enough so DD learns how to lose without it being demoralising. Tantrums are normal when they're learning though

I try to make it even rather than one of us winning the whole time.

If they were getting tired and wound up just before bed though, I probably wouldn't use that particular moment to teach them about losing.

I like keeping games equal until they are nearly over. But Top Trimps is a hard one to manipulate, as you either have the better card or don't (unlike a game like Trivial pursuit where you can get a question wrong, or games you can make a bad decision in).

But learning to lose is important.

I think you were right to hold your ground on this one - but perhaps it's not the best thing to do just before bed :-D

A toddler, yeah I probably would.
A rising 4 year old, no. They need to learn to play games properly (although I might wangle it depending on their mood).
Top Trumps is hard to cheat at though.

I find Top Trumps can go on forever with just 2 playing so eventually I do tend to start choosing weak categories to get it over with (and have occasionally done a bit of sleight of hand to say that I’ve lost a round that I would have won).

That’s more for my sanity than their education though

Toddlers, yes. Preschoolers of 3 1/2 , 4 years old then no. But wouldn't be playing games involving losing when it's just prior to bed time

@Tdcp

I play it half and half, enough so DD learns how to lose without it being demoralising. Tantrums are normal when they're learning though

I have done this with all of mine. My partner wins every time and the children hate playing with him. I try to teach them that there is nothing wrong with losing but also allow them to win some of the time.

Unless it is a chance game in which case I let it play out.

My DS has a favourite Marvel top trump card (character with the same first name as him). If he loses that card we let him hand over Thanos or Iron Man instead. They're better cards anyway.

Thank you! Some good feedback here actually to just pick my teaching moments. I'm always a bit too black and white, so good idea to generally teach him to follow the rules, but I don't have to always be so rigid, especially just before bedtime!

I have realised also it wasn't even about winning/ losing as the sharks aren't even the best cards!

Well, when my eldest was 4, my youngest was 2, so there was no way I could let one win above the other. .

Lots of understanding why they don't want to lose, but having a strop not being acceptable was my approach.