The constant interaction is driving me nuts

[DueyCheatemAndHow]

He's 3.5. He cannot do anything without a seminar or discussion. Will not play alone. Is constantly being silly- today he was dipping his puzzle pieces in his milk when I turned my back then let the milk dribble out of his mouth on to the floor. At swimming decided to start biting everything when we were getting changed - the towel, his shoes, his clothes. Can't go to the loo alone because he either wees all over his trousers, floods the bathroom with the tap, hurts himself etc. He wakes so early he is exhausted. At lunch he put his hand in a pan.thankfully I had drained it of water. Then he sits down to lunch and falls off his chair.

He constantly bothers his little sister, 'hugs' her but makes her cry. Is now on the sofa watching TV but keeps trying to swing on the curtains.

I'm exhausted. It's constant from the moment he wakes up. I'm either saying 'stop doing x', 'hold on a minute 'just let me do x'or 'come on'.

I'm totally out of my depth and I'm bloody exhausted. I just want him to play for 2 minutes.

No advice except to ask could you increase his nursery time? Might be a good investment whilst it’s bringing you down.

I'll be honest, my DS was a nightmare between 3 and 4, constant attention and yes he did need to run about every day. The treat him like a dog who needs exercising is so true!

On the plus side, for us, it was like a light switched as he turned 4 (and went into full time nursery!)
Hang on in there.

Yep, mine has good language too and seems bright and capable. But jeez he’s just so so hard work!

This thread was just what I needed. I'd started to convince myself there was some underlying issue with my 3yo and everyone else has a calm child who doesn't run and jump around constantly the entire time they're conscious as if they're taking some sort of insane energy-boosting stimulant drug.

I think those 3year old exist, mine just isn’t one of them. I Google adhd a lot. But I think some are just built like this. Unfortunately.

I used to take mine out every day to combat this.

I know what you mean OP.

My DS is 4 and my DD is 3. Sometimes they will play happily together for a while but usually it’s CONSTANT ‘mummy can we do this, I want that, put Paw Patrol on, he hit me, she took my toys, I need a wee, I need a tissue, come and play with me….’ From morning to night. I love them to death but I do long for bedtime most days, which sounds awful. My constant refrain is ‘stop that!’ ‘Be careful!’ Or ‘just give me a minute’

DS also has some speech delays which makes it worse as he can’t always communicate exactly what he means which ends up frustrating us both. And DD is also going through a phase of having a huge tantrum if she doesn’t win a game or ‘come first’ at getting to the table/ down the stairs / to the front door

It’s draining. And it definitely impacts my relationship with DH. Even if there was enough time together, which there isn’t, we’re both constantly knackered and grumpy these days …

My DD was a super calm, chilled (bit highly strung but generally fine) 3yo. And 4yo. And 8yo! She's got a bit of an attitude at times but I've always been able to take her anywhere without a fuss. She was an angel at that age (luckily, because I was pregnant with her brother at the time!), I tried not to take it for granted because I knew she wasn't a "normal" 3yo.

DS, on the other hand... I try tiring him out but sometimes that makes him worse. Staying in is awful, going out is okay... until we get home. He has amazing speech so he's not frustrated about that, just about everything else!

I had to take my DS out for a run every day at that age for him to burn off energy. He would then be a bit calmer and I wouldn't feel guilty putting him front of the tv.
More pre-school, trips to the park, soft play etc might help him a bit.
You have my sympathy though - when my two were the same as yours are, I found it the hardest parenting because it's so demanding and exhausting.

We go out so much. Saturday- soft play then local castle. Sunday - church, walk, pub with adventure playground. Monday swimming. Tuesday preschool. That's just the last 4 days.

He was hysterically tired by lunch but would only fall asleep with me and then of course I nodded off. So I've got no work done or anything, again.

I feel absolutely destroyed 2bh.

I hear you. I take my two out twice a day every day for activities, walks, play park, etc etc. loads of time and space to burn off energy but it doesn't stop. When he is home and tired it's exhausting to then manage the grumpiness. But if I don't take him out he is bored and I become shouty mum again. I hate shouty mum. I never thought I'd be shouty mum. But.

Duplo was the only thing that kept mine occupied at that age. I would tell them to build a massive tower with the small blocks. Kept them happy for about 20 minutes.
You have my sympathy, it's an exhausting age.

Oh god OP this brought back memories. To be fair I still struggle with the constant interaction sometimes and they're teenagers! But with my DS, I remember 3.5-4 was the hardest age of all. CONSTANT interrogation, wanting attention, having strops, "investigating" everything, aaaaaahh! Once I actually phoned a parent helpline (Parentline I think) as I was so overwhelmed and stressed and I didn't even have DC2 at that point!

It does get easier but have you tried -
Lego or other construction toys like magnext etc
Water play (better when warmer, or you can do it in the bath/shower area) - give him a tray or bucket of water and lots of containers, straws, whisks etc - supervised of course.
Cupboard of cool interesting stuff that he is allowed to empty and investigate - put in as many different (safe) items as possible, keys, boxes, gadgets, puzzles. things that make a noise etc.
Trampoline (even a mini one?)
Making a big deal of how if he's really, really good he can have a go with the real grown up tools - and give him a handheld hoover to suck up every bit of dust he can find, or let him water the garden with a small watering can. Then praise loads for his amazing skills.

My DD was like this. I would watch the parents walking calmly around the supermarket with 2 children walking beside them, just selecting items. In comparison, I was in a constant state of stress trying to wrangle a wild creature that was running away, grabbing stuff, throwing herself on the floor, etc.

We would go to see a movie and I'd have to take her out after about 20 mins as she would be running up and down the aisles. I did keep taking her, though, for those 20 minutes.

A lot of stuff got destroyed and sometimes I would just allow it to happen, because it was keeping her busy. A new toy would get me about 20 mins. She got a lot of new toys. Play doh in the garden was a good one.

People told me she would be tired out when she started school. Well she was, but being tired actually seems to make her wind up more, so we had frantic activity after school, spinning, jumping, singing silly songs, just shouting, crazy, to the point where I felt she was like a buzzing dying fly out of control and I had the urge to pin her down in a big cuddle and soothe her for her own sanity. (and mine)

I agree that there was a turning point around 6. She will now play independently for an hour or more with dolls. We can go to a musical and see the whole show (even if she does jig around in her seat a bit more than the other kids.) We can walk sensibly around a shop, sit nicely in a restaurant for a meal.

There are some helpful parenting books for 'high needs' children it really does require a different approach. My son has asd so we based our parenting on what works best for asd children. More about managing the environment than trying to change the child. And not expecting things to be different/better really helps a lot. I remember having a lot of anxiety when ds was 2/3 it felt like he was always difficult and never 'behaved' and what if it's like this forever? That created a lot of panic in my own head which contributed to the exhaustion and feelings that I couldn't cope. I learnt to focus on the nice points of the day rather than the bad ones and to be more aware of the negative thoughts in my head. I also stopped expecting to get housework/other jobs done . I would get them done when ds was at nursery. I would also prep meals in advance and store them in fridge to make life easier.

Good advice @autienotnaughty about focusing on the good points. The doing housework while they're at nursery doesn't work for us sadly, as we are both at work when the kids are in nursery, and it has to get done some time.

@Covidwoes yeah it's not one size fits all. Because of ds sen needs I was a sahm until he went to school. I definitely lowered my standard during that time and would use screens as 'treat time' rather than the norm so I could use them when I want to get stuff done. Harder when u have two kids tho as they are unlikely to both settle at same time.!

Pre school enrolment? 9am-2.45 each day should give you breathing room and time with baby too.