My partner has not been supportive or caring since I gave birth to our son and he is causing me major stress.
I had a stressful pregnancy and during an emergency c-section nearly died after haemorrhaging. The first day with our son was OK but the problems started when I left hospital. Firstly I rang him on discharge day to find out what time he was coming. He manked and moaned about the bedding not being washed and that he hadn't slept. I hung up as needed some support. We finally leave hospital to find there is no petrol in the car. He blames me (even though he had been driving it for 2 days) and ends up shouting at me in the car with our baby in the back. I'm obviously upset and ask him to leave for a bit as I wanted my Mum. He threatens to call the hospital because I've gone mad and tells my Mum he thinks I have PND. He didn't think that his behaviour had caused the upset on what was meant to be a joyous day.
The next few days are hell. He is highly anxious about all the things in my house that could cause harm to our baby ( we don't live together). Everytime I leave him with the baby, I hear shouting and he tells me one of these things have happened. Ie. Falling up the stairs with the baby. I'm now highly alert and don't want to leave him alone. He looks like he is going to cry.
3 days later he walks out because he needs rest and to get his head together, obviously forgetting I can barely do anything due to the section. I had to get to a midwife appointment the next day. He doesn't turn up (later found out he got drunk and smashed his phone up) so I have to drag the baby in the rain on the bus. At this appointment we are rushed to hospital and my boy ends up in NICU and I can't contact my partner.
Once I get hold of him, he has a go at me for keeping him in the dark and telling the hospital things about him. The hospital wouldn't let him in because he was behaving unstable. He was genuinely awful to me. I have now told him I cannot forgive him and we needed to split.
However, I want my son to have his father in his life. I told him it might take a long time bit I was willing to work through all of this. We had a lot of stress and I was sure he had male PND. I thought he would change. The last fall out was due to him shouting at me with our son in his arms over him telling me I wasn't trying.
I've tried so hard. I understand he isn't confident with a newborn but when I tell him to do something he says I'm being demanding and when I don't he does nothing. I cannot win. This isn't the man I fell in love with 2 years ago. I do think that perhaps there is something mental health going on. I think if the tables were turned and I was mentally unwell people would be fuming if he left me. But then again, I'm wondering whether I have actually met an emotionally abusive man whose colours I have only now truly seen during times of stress??