Do I actually want a 2nd baby!

[Heyahun]

How did you know you wanted a 2nd?

I have an 11 month old who we both absolutely adore - I was always 50/50 on wheater I even wanted a child at all - I was vey happy living the care free life with my husband - we did lots of travelling and partying etc

Finally at 33 & 43 we decided to go for it

Now she is here I absolutley love being a mum and don't even miss my old life all that much - in fact apart from the late night partying life feels the same just that we have an extra person
We take her everywhere with us and she's slotted in really well - we have a bunch of big trips coming up and a few music festivals in the summer which she will be joining us on

Now we are talking about whether we want a 2nd - I change my mind daily

I do think i'd love another - BUT the sensible voice in my head is saying - well we can't afford 2 nursery places, our house is only a 2 bed and i'd worry that we might not be able to afford all the things we love (Holidays, festivals etc)

What about others - did you just know for sure you wanted more? did you battle with it?

My life is easier with two now they are a bit older. They play together and let me do my own thing. My friends with one always have to be entertaining them and it seems relentless to me (but I am lazy and don’t really enjoy “playing”.)

I feel this gets pointed out a lot, but it sounds like your experience with DC1 had generally been good. You’ve had a good first year: she’s slotted in well and hasn’t impacted your life too much. It sounds like you are considering lots of factors which is really sensible so I’d just point out another - you’d need to consider that any future child(ren) might not give you the same experience that she has. From the extreme end of complex medical needs to just being a difficult baby who doesn’t slot in quite as well. We’ve thankfully had no major medical needs in my family, but we have had the full range of temperaments amongst my DC and Dnephews and nieces and each experience has varied wildly from easy to extremely difficult. Worth considering if you are up for that!

I've got three. The second one was the only one that was planned. Two seemed an even number and full childcare was part of our overseas package. Three was a shock and a stretch. I was sterilised at 28.

I don't know if there ever is an ideal time, even if you can afford it. I've always had a nanny so that probably makes a big difference but I have always worked 12 hour shift patterns. My husband did the lions share at the weekend, unless I was off too, which was one in three.

All I know is, that it is essential you are both on board with the child thing. I cannot imagine the mental stress of having to bring-up a child you never really wanted in the first place. I guess that explains a lot of the trouble you see on here.

I’m an only child & I hate it.. I hated it as a child and I hate it as an adult. I had a happy childhood & my parents are wonderful. We have a great relationship. But as a child I was so lonely, particularly during the school holidays. I was horribly envious of friends with big, chaotic families.. and as an adult, I feel that even more acutely. I desperately envy friends with their multiple nieces & nephews & big family Christmases & events. I envy the easy & solid relationship my husband has with his siblings and the memories they all share together. I envy that he has blood related nieces. I envy that there are 3 of them to look after their parents as they get older & share the load.

As a result, I was determined to have a big family. Sadly, I suffer with very poorly, hospital ridden HG pregnancies so it’s two only for me. I was so shocked by my first child & our world turning upside down that it took 2 years to even consider DD2! We have a 3 year gap & it’s ideal. I watch their loving relationship with a warm heart. I know it won’t always be sunshine & rainbows but I hope they have what I’ve wanted my whole life..

We desperately wanted a second and so we had him. Our two are now five and three and looking at friends with one, their lives are so much easier. I wouldn't change our life and our two are wonderful, have a great bond, and are actually quite easy kids. But there has been a lot of 'what if we'd stopped at one' chat recently. I'd only go for it if you have a really strong desire for another. The jump to two was hard and I have found a lot of friends said similarly. I am finding 'one and done' to be a very popular option among friends these days.

Having said all that, it could also be that, despite them being good kids, my second has always been a terrible sleeper and I am still regularly up in the night with him/both of them. I might feel a little more able to handle the juggle if I had more than 3 hours of sleep in a stretch!

I knew I didn't want an only child, so that was the decision made for me. It was the right decision. Not least as being a SAHM to two was much more fun than being a SAHM to one was. I really wanted four, but XH refused. A friend of mine did festivals etc with her three DC, so it's not impossible!

Also, the childcare costs don't disappear once they hit school. I haven't yet gone back to work but I'm looking at it. If I did three days a week we'd be looking at £120 for three days for before and after school club. Days out also £££, we went to a film and out for lunch over half term with friends (kids shared a meal and I had two starters). £70 for one day of the holidays! Eldest currently does four extracurricular activities but once youngest wants to do something eldest will probably have to drop at least one, if not too.

I always knew I wanted 2, and don't regret it at all. but honestly I found it a lot harder than I thought I would going from 1 to 2!