Mat leave - how long to take for #2?

[MrsMo21]

My daughter is currently 8 months and I’m still on Mat leave until April - I went off early because I was unwell so will have taken the year by the time I return. I am going back three days a week to an amazing new role I’m so excited about.
I’m pregnant again and baby is due in the Summer. I don’t want to take a year off again as I’ve really struggled at times with boredom, missing my job/identity and can feel quite lonely at times. (DH is amazing, works a lot to financially support though) I adore my daughter, she’s a complete blessing; I also miss my old self.

Question is - would I be a terrible mother if I only took 6 months off after the next baby? What is it like with two very young children? Am I being unrealistic thinking I would be okay to go back so soon? Has anyone experienced this?

Any advice is welcome please!

Oof, you’ve got a close age gap! That in itself will be pretty exhausting I imagine.. you might want the leave! Going back at 6 months doesn’t remotely make you a bad parent, plenty of people do.. but if it’s a choice for you rather than a necessity, probably worth considering with two under two you are going to be very tired. Neither of mine slept through until about 12 months .. my eldest is still a terrible sleeper aged almost 5 😳 the toddler years are hard, rewarding but hard. They are physically exhausting once they get on the move & the tantrums are just draining all round. Tie into that a baby feeding during the night as well. How easy will you find your job if you’ve dealt with 2/3 night feeds, a tantruming toddler who wanted a green plate and not a red once & getting yourself sorted all before 9am.. you might get angel children who sleep all night and if so, then you’d probably be a’ok! But I certainly didn’t with either 🙈😂 they like to tag team, one will be up needing a wee & complaining the bathroom is too dark (despite 3 nightlights in there), then the other will be crying cos a dummy fell out the cot, then the first one will be up needing a second wee .. 😩🙈🙈🙈

Do you need to tell your employer now? Or can you decide later on? I’m a manager & im not allowed to ask how long someone will be off for. Our policy is 12 months & I assume that length of time unless the pregnant employee tells me otherwise. Employees have to give 8 weeks notice if they want to come back earlier & are welcome to do so at any point during their leave.. maybe you could see how you feel?!

Have you considered Shared Parental Leave? I had the 13 months off last time ( 4 years ago) and this time will have 7 months and DH will have 5 months.

I took longer with my second to settle my eldest into school- whatever works for you, everyone is different as are everyone’s finances

@Zolla yes the age gap wasn’t done on purpose! Our daughter was IVF, we were told we couldn’t have children naturally so this one was a little surprise! That’s a lot to think about thank you, I didn’t even think about some of those things - it’s hard when you have one to imagine two and I’ve got no friends with kids so thank you for explaining the reality! Our DD does sleep really well but that won’t last forever I bet and the next one probably won’t! I think I have to tell them before I go off again as I have to fill in a form with my return date.

@tealandteal my husbands salary completely dwarfs mine - I’m not sure we could afford shared parental leave as I couldn’t run our home on my salary alone? Whereas we can with his salary alone if that makes sense.

I don't have two yet (currently pregnant with number 2), but I took 6 months maternity with my DD because I landed a new job when she was 3 months old (and had a 3 month notice period). So not necessarily by choice.

6 months wasn't long enough. I don't think I was ready.

I'm planning on 7/8 months this time round with a phased return using my holiday for a couple of months.