Anxious new mum

[2021Muma]

So my baby is 4 months old, I had quite a poorly pregnancy and then a traumatic birth. My baby came 4 weeks early and I was put to sleep in a super fast emergency c-section. The birth has definitely left me with a lot of trauma, I love my baby to bits and I couldn’t be happier however this is my first baby and I haven’t left her much only a few times with my other half. But I am getting very anxious for leaving her in the future and even returning to work which is still quite a while away but time is already going so fast. Sometimes I feel pressure by people that I should be leaving her more but the thought of leaving her feels me with worry and I often think back to the birth where I nearly lost her. I just thought I would see if any one else has had a similar experience or has a lot of anxiety with their own babies?

Im pretty sure what you're feeling is normal. I'm not a particularly anxious person but I feel it's a little too much to just leave your baby as it confuses them and they don't understand.

Sounds totally understandable, @2021Muma. Bumping for you.

@2021Muma totally understandable, sorry to hear you've had a rough time of it. My sister in law had a very similar situation with her first and got really bad anxiety, they've only had two nights away from their child who is now three! She has started therapy to help work through the anxiety so I might advise looking into that? What's your support network like in terms of partner/ friends/ family etc?

@HopefulRose thank you. I have a few weddings over summer where she will probably have to have overnight stays which I’m dreading :( I have got a phone appointment in a few weeks which is a birth debrief type of call I’m hoping will be of some help. My partner is great and knows I suffer with anxiety, he’s never pushed me to have time without the baby etc but I do sometimes have to remind him that I’m still struggling from the birth when things may get to me. My mum understands how I’ve been affected from the birth and why I’ve been in no rush to leave the baby with others. My in laws as good as they are, I wouldn’t share my anxieties with I don’t feel they’d be very understanding.. I think they are quite fashioned with their views on mental health sadly.

Hi Muma. I have a 5 month old baby and I’m in exactly the same boat. I haven’t left my baby other than to go to the shop. I’ve been invited to two weddings this year but I’ve said I can’t go to either. They would also require overnight stays and I’m not ready for that yet, I just wouldn’t enjoy myself as I’d be thinking of my baby the whole time. Don’t let anyone pressure you, you are on maternity and this is your time to be with your baby and no one else’s! I honestly couldn’t care less what anyone says!

Don't leave her if you don't want to. I didn't go to any weddings or things like that for the first year. (Then covid happened and it wasn't an issue). It's perfectly normal.

It was also difficult going back to work but once in the swing of a new routine it was fine. I trusted his nursery and knew he was being well-looked after by professionals. In some ways that was easier than leaving him with family - nurseries are trained to look after and educate babies/children and family members are not!

@Sunny987654 thank you! It’s nice to hear I’m not alone with how I’m feeling, I would definitely struggle without her too. I am getting better at caring less what others think as she is my priority, everyone has an opinion when you have a baby I find!

Thank you @sheusesmagazines I sometimes wish I had the covid exude for events without her! But in a way I feel like the odd event will help me be more prepared for when I’m working? And I totally get that about nursery, because they are professionals and will listen to what I want for her and not go behind my back etc like I worry family might as something that is important to me when caring for the baby might seem like something little to them

@2021Muma who exactly is saying you should be leaving your baby? You don't do anything you're not comfortable with. It's no one else's business. I get murmurings from PILs that I should leave my baby more but I only leave her with my husband in a different room of the house whilst I shower /nap etc. don't feel pressurised and go at your own pace!

I had a perfectly fine pregnancy and labour and my baby still hasn't stayed out. I don't want him to so he hasn't, he's 8 months . The most I have left him is when he went shopping with his dad to pick me a birthday present. Your baby your rules. Just repeat no not yet but thanks... they get bored of asking🙄 hopefully your debrief helps you understand the trauma you went through.