Need to rant about MIL

[youmeandellie]

Absolutely sick of this woman in all honesty and don't know how to approach it.

I have a 2 year old DD and 3 month old DD.

Every time MIL comes over, she has something to say about my parenting and I've had enough.

I've had a really stressful week with DD being off pre school and struggling to manage 2 children on my own in all honestly, but I'm trying so hard. Her comments are only making me feel worse about myself.

For example, last night she turns up at 6.30 when DD is going to bed (no notice), says youngest DD should not be waking in the night for a feed anymore and basically insinuating I should ignore her when she wakes, I could never do this! She also comments how baby is extremely windy and this is not good, her poos are a worrying colour (she is on kendamil organic which is known for green poos). Last week was DH bday and she insisted he do absolutely nothing for his kids not even make a bottle for his baby because he needs to relax on his bday ?? So insisting I do everything (which I do anyway)!! Dh agrees her comments are out of order but tells me I should tell her to F off.

We are supposed to be going on holiday with them in a few weeks and I am very tempted to change the dates so we don't have to go with them as I cannot deal with her unwanted opinions surrounding my children. I am trying my best and feel like she always brings me down and makes out I'm doing a shit job because my kids don't sleep through or because they have wind or because they had a chocolate bar at 6pm!!!!!

What shall I do 😩😩

Do not go on holiday with her

Ask dh to speak to her, times move on

Woman up op

Tell her to please stop being rude and interfering

No drama, no raised voices or name calling

Just the above. On repeat.

And if she doesn’t get message, then you say that you will no engage with her until she listens and changes.

You’ll always get posters saying that it’s for your dh to sort

Fu@k that. I fight my own battles irrespective of who it is

Dropping round unannounced at 6.30pm?

My response would be "get the fuck out of my house".

You probably have a DH problem rather than a MIL problem though. Tell us more about how supportive DH is of his mother over you and his DC?

@Merlott

Dropping round unannounced at 6.30pm?

My response would be "get the fuck out of my house".

You probably have a DH problem rather than a MIL problem though. Tell us more about how supportive DH is of his mother over you and his DC?

Really?

My response would be “hi, now doesn’t work for us at all. In future, please give some notice to avoid you having a wasted journey.
Enjoy your evening, I have to get back to the children now”

Why on Earth have you agreed to go on holiday with her?

Your DH needs to have a very firm word with her about boundaries.

Jesus. Insisting your DH does nothing on his birthday? She obviously believes she knows a woman's place! What a cow

@Ragwort

Why on Earth have you agreed to go on holiday with her?

Your DH needs to have a very firm word with her about boundaries.

What can’t the OP have a firm word with the woman about boundaries FGS?!

Change the dates. It will not be a holiday for you.

Also try to have some stock phrases ready for her comments e.g. "well you've had your time for parenting,it's time for me to make the decisions now"

Don't go on the holiday.

Get your DH to back you in front of her.

Stock phrases every time she starts. If she repeats a comment kick her out.

Start by messaging her or next time you see her- that you are putting some routines in place and not to come round at bedtime as you won’t be able to let her in. Also to ask if she can come before she turns up at any other time. Then get out of the joint holiday somehow

You're doing great managing the 2!

You need to think of some answers you feel comfortable giving to shut her up. Such as

'my HV says baby waking is normal and if you want me to ask her to fill you in and update you about baby's expectations nowadays I can, it might help you understand?'

'green poo is expected, if you Google the name and research you will see'

'In our family birthdays can mean we still all help one another'

So you're not asking her or appeasing her you are shutting her down and standing your ground.

My mil used to say things to dh (never me) like 'she shouldn't breast feed it's not good you can't see how much baby drinks'.
'Baby is 3 months now so baby rice is needed'.
All the time. Dh would then be questioning me/ telling me what dm says is right as she'd had children etc.

In the end I called her and said politely but directly she needs to stop as it's causing arguments. This is my baby- I do it my way. I'll ask for advice if I need it.

I once also had to remind her f2f too. Things improved from then.

Can you adjust the holiday, are you booked in a villa or hotel?
A holiday with this woman won't be a holiday, believe me.

thank of course the OP can spell out her boundaries but it would seem that her DH is not supporting her, his response was to tell her (OP) to tell his DM to 'F off'. (Ie: he is avoiding conflict). Surely a spouse should be more caring ... it sounds as though DH isn't as bothered about the situation as the OP is ... perhaps he is the one who still wants to go on her holiday with his DM?

@Ragwort actually dh is supportive but she tends to make these comments when dh is out of the room, he said he would speak to her but I'm worried it would make her worse. He actually doesn't want to go on the holiday at all.