Toddler kicking pregnant belly

[Bancha]

I think that the title sounds a bit clickbait-y, but I couldn’t think how else to word it. I could really use some advice and a talking to.

I’m 36w pregnant and have a two year old. Just turned two but very articulate. She is bloody marvellous, a total babe.

However, she has been kicking me in the belly at times, not hard enough to hurt or do any harm, but hard enough to be uncomfortable. She seems to do this more out of curiosity/boundary pushing than anger or wanting to hurt.

The problem is, I’m not reacting well! This morning I was putting her coat on and she was sitting on a chair and kicked out at my belly. I told her no and put her down on the floor and walked off. I didn’t hurt her but it wasn’t very nice and I didn’t handle it well. I’ve started work now and I’m just sitting here feeling like shit. I’m not even convinced that she intended to kick, more swinging her leg.

I can see that the more I react the more she is going to want to do it, because it’s interesting to her. But I don’t know what to do instead. I’m finding it really upsetting (hormones) and I’ve lost all perspective. I’ve also got quite a bit of pain in my lower belly now and this is making me more sensitive as well I think. I need a simple strategy here but I don’t know what to do!

Please help me. Thank you in advance!

@Bancha hey!
I've got no advice but just wanted to say I'm in the same boat as you, I have 2&3 year olds... 3 year old likes to catapult himself off sofas onto me and 2 year old is also in the kicking (overly touchy-feely stage)
Whenever I sit down in the firing zone I just make sure I have a big pillow to hand to put over my bump in case of any projectiles (there are many MANY projectiles)
I totally understand the frustration though, I'm a bit of a shouty mum at the moment because that's the only way I get them to stop if they are getting a bit much... but boundaries must be set before a baby comes I suppose
I'm due in 4 days so I'm very uncomfortable too and aching
I think it's all part and parcel of being pregnant and having bouncing toddlers full of energy running around at the same time...
Not long to go now! Just hang in there a few more weeks 💐

@feb2022 thanks for replying. It’s nice to know I’m not alone! I don’t know how you’re doing it with a 2 and 3 year old! I am feeling so grumpy now, and terrified about what’s happening next. Protecting my bump with a pillow might be quite a good idea, I’ll try it. She may think of it as target practice though…!

Gosh you are all a lot more tolerant than l was when mine were that age!

I would say a sharp 'no, you do not kick people it hurts'
Then explain there is a baby in there and she could hurt the baby.

If she did it repeatedly then l would have a consequence to hand.

@Dragongirl10 thanks for your reply. What consequence would you give? I think one of the things I’m struggling with is that she’s more flailing about than actively kicking. Very occasionally it seems more deliberate than that. If I wasn’t pregnant it wouldn’t feel like a big deal, and I think it wouldn’t be escalating as I wouldn’t be reacting the way I am. I can see that I’m making it worse and actually encouraging it but I don’t know how to stop!

With consequences if I say there will be a consequence then I always follow through - i am unmoved by tears! But I’m not sure what consequence to give in this situation? The other day when I was getting her dressed she kicked out accidentally and I told her no, about the baby, you are hurting mummy etc. and then she did it deliberately. I said if you do it again daddy will get you dressed instead and then she went to do it again and so he got her ready - not what she likes at all so for her it is a consequence. But then I’m using her dad as a punishment?! Which feels not right either! Just to be clear although she was very upset he was absolutely lovely with her, just explained why he was getting her ready instead of me and encouraged her to say sorry, which she did. Then we had a cuddle and we moved on. Today, she didn’t kick out at all while I got her ready, though.

Well in that situation where you had reasonably explained why she shouldn't kick you, and she deliberately did it again...
I would have marched her to her room, kneeled down to her level (if you can !) and said.. I told you not to kick me, now you will sit in your room on your own for 3 minutes, then say sorry. Sit outside and say nothing.Then go in and ask her to say sorry mummy.

I think it is a mistake to hand her to DH as you are not dealing with it, she has to know if she lashes out at people she will have a punishment....otherwise what about at nursery of school?
Lots here feel 2 is too young to learn boundaries, but l did this with mine when they behaved badly (2 dcs 16 months apart)and by the time they were bigger and it would have been much harder, they knew to not take frustration out on others!
It helps to look a couple of years ahead and think of what the result of not nipping bad behaviour in the bud will be!

I am sure you will find the way that suits you and your family.

Wow where are the consequences??!
Why is she getting away with this? You keep giving her more chances instead of addressing the kicking. You said after telling her not to do it (and explaining why) she then did it deliberately. You still did nothing. No wonder she keeps doing it!
One warning and one only is needed for this sort of behaviour. And by the way using her dad as a threat is pretty nasty, why does he have to be the bad guy? Can’t you deal with her?
A sharp “No! We don’t kick anyone, it hurts and you are not allowed to do it”. Then an apology from her or she does a time out in her room in her own.
Nip this in the bud.

@MissyB1

Wow where are the consequences??! Why is she getting away with this? You keep giving her more chances instead of addressing the kicking. You said after telling her not to do it (and explaining why) she then did it deliberately. You still did nothing. No wonder she keeps doing it! One warning and one only is needed for this sort of behaviour. And by the way using her dad as a threat is pretty nasty, why does he have to be the bad guy? Can’t you deal with her? A sharp “No! We don’t kick anyone, it hurts and you are not allowed to do it”. Then an apology from her or she does a time out in her room in her own. Nip this in the bud.

Exactly this.

You need to nip this in the bud before baby arrives or they may be getting a few hits when you're not looking.

No advice really but have just given birth so no more kicks for me. I also found it incredibly frustrating and raised my voice a few times. My hits to the tummy were not deliberate 95% of the time. I just wanted to tell you not to worry about how you reacted this morning, it's very natural and hopefully you only have 5 more weeks of potential knocks to the belly. I'd carry on telling her 'no, we do not kick people, kicking hurts'
I told DD she would hurt the baby. Don't know if she cared though!

Sorry - bit rambling

@Sleepyquest

Thanks for your reply. I don’t think I’ve articulated this very well, possibly, as like you the absolute majority of the kicking is more like flailing - there’s no intention to harm or hurt or anything like that. For example when she’s wriggling about and kicking her legs while I change her nappy. Previously it wouldn’t have made contact with me; now I get a kick to the belly. Don’t know if that clarifies this any more.

When it happens, though, I’ve been getting quite upset and I think this is making her curious about it and is encouraging her to do it deliberately. So I think I’m making it worse.

I don’t think that locking her in her bedroom, even if she was doing it deliberately, is something I would do to such a young child. But I do agree that I’m not handling it well, which is why I’ve reached out for advice.

Also @Sleepyquest, congratulations on the birth of your baby! It helps to know it’s not just me that finds it upsetting. It’s like some primal, protective overreaction and I don’t seem to be able to manage it in the way I would any other boundary pushing. Finding this unexpectedly tough.

Nobody told you to lock her in her bedroom

@MissyB1 fair point, actually. But time out for her in her bedroom on her own - she turned two in the last few days - isn’t something I’d be willing to do at the moment. Not saying there’s anything wrong with that or I wouldn’t do that when she is old enough to understand, potentially. But in this situation it just wouldn’t feel right, to me.

My general approach with any other boundary pushing is a warning and then I follow through with consistent, logical consequences alongside an explanation, and then we move on. It’s been working well so far, though I appreciate that may change. Especially with a new baby!

Sorry, but sometimes you just have to shout.

"NO, NO, NO!!! You must NEVER kick. NO!!!"