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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

Letting kids fight their own corner

10 replies

Misty12345 · 23/02/2022 23:30

If you have a child age 3-5 , do you let them fight their own battles with their peers or do you intervene? In what instance do you intervene? Not sure if I'm being too overprotective of my daughter , she doesn't fight back and will just take it and cry if a child is mean to her and need advice

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DawnMumsnet · 24/02/2022 14:40

Hi @Misty12345, we're just giving your thread a bump to get it back into Active Conversations. Hopefully some Mumsnetters will be along soon.

Hugasauras · 24/02/2022 14:47

Depends on what it is. I try to arm her with the words/confidence to speak up when she isn't happy about something and to come find me if it continues.

Today at soft play for example she came running over barefoot and crying because a boy had pushed her over and stolen her socks. We went to find them and then had a chat about what to do if it happened again: say 'no I don't want you to do that' and then come to find me if it continues. She came running over again to tell me it had happened again but wasn't as upset this time, so I went over with her and spoke to the kid myself. So I suppose that's a bit of both.

I think it's generally good to give them a chance or help them navigate it alone but also be ready to step in and intervene when the situation calls for it.

Chely · 24/02/2022 16:44

I expect them to stand up for themselves. We have 6 of them, the 3rd is most likely to be precious.

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picklemewalnuts · 24/02/2022 16:48

I gave my strategies and coached them on what to do. My preferred strategy was to shout 'NO!' very loudly, with his hand up in a stop sign.

It attracts attention from adults, without getting you in trouble. If he didn't want to do it, maybe he wasn't behaving well himself!

picklemewalnuts · 24/02/2022 16:50

And I stopped defending my 2.5yr old from his much older brother when I saw the little one standing in front of the TV waggling his bottom at his brother, looking over his shoulder cheekily. He was clearly asking for trouble

KirstenBlest · 24/02/2022 16:54

Give her strategies to handle them so she can stop such behaviour assertively

nancybotwinbloom · 24/02/2022 17:24

@picklemewalnuts

I gave my strategies and coached them on what to do. My preferred strategy was to shout 'NO!' very loudly, with his hand up in a stop sign.

It attracts attention from adults, without getting you in trouble. If he didn't want to do it, maybe he wasn't behaving well himself!

That's such a good idea. I'm going to suggest that to my Dd 8 as she has trouble asserting herself in school as she is always worried about getting into trouble with the teachers. She's also reluctant to hurt anyones feeling when asserting herself. This seems like a good suggestion for her.

Thank you for posting that.

Original poster

Misty12345 · 24/02/2022 18:56

Hey! Thanks for the responses and advice! She does say no or i dont like that stop. She is quite a gentle child and yes has her moment when shes the one in the wrong and i tell her this at the time if anything has happened but Ive had issues in the past whereby she is being pushed around in group situations and despite standing up for herself and saying no and pushing the other child away they persist to harass her on purpose as they can see it upsets her. These children are of close friends of mine and they stand by and watch their kids be mean to my daughter. I then find it really awkward intervening and my daughter does not retaliate with violence as she is told this is not acceptable at home, she starts school this year and I'm worried she will be an easy target .

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picklemewalnuts · 24/02/2022 19:54

She's in a tricky situation- she doesn't want to upset the status quo with your friends, it will be easier for her to stand up to randoms than to family friends. I'd avoid that group, it seems mean to expose her to a group who are picking on her.

ringoutthebells · 24/02/2022 20:13

If you mean the other children are hitting/pushing her and they are just standing by, then that is neglectful on the parents' part, and I too would intervene straight away and stop hanging out with them with her present if it continued.

If it's more toy-snatching etc I would observe how she's doing and consider any power imbalance, before intervening. Maybe she doesn't mind so much.

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