Help please 2 year old screams constantly for food

[RoriBori]

My 2 year old screams (not whines, not cries) screams till she’s sick any time there isn’t any food in her mouth (or until she has an asthma attack).
She has three huge meals a day, she eats WAY more than me. I really need some help because I’m losing it.
For breakfast she’ll have toast and cereal, or toast and porridge, pancakes and cereal etc, with a banana or apple and some milk. Within the hour, she’s screaming begging for food. If I do give in, which trust me I have to sometimes, I get her a peach, or a pear, something like that. If I don’t, she screams until 10:30 which is supposed to be snack time, where she’ll have crackers and cheese or something similar.
Lunch will be wraps which she’ll usually have two of with various ingredients, a sandwich or an omelette, which she’ll have with some tomatoes or cucumber, and some crackers or cheese.
Her afternoon snack we try to keep to fruit because she eats so much I dread to think. For dinner she has what we’re having, so like curry or pasta just general dinner, but will beg for more afterwards, regardless of having yogurt or rice pudding too.
We can’t eat in front of her, because if we do she screams until she gets some or we hide it. She’ll hit up and kick us until she gets food too. We think she may be autistic, and both her nursery and health visitor have said this but they won’t do anything until she’s 3.
I am not joking when I say any time she doesn’t have food in her mouth (apart from maybe 10 mins after each meal) she is SCREAMING. She’s not particularly chubby, but she’s definitely rounder than most toddlers her age. It’s so annoying because people say we should be thankful she’s eating, but I don’t think she should be eating this much.
Please some advice, just anything? If anyone maybe has an autistic toddler is this something to do with that? Thanks for reading I know it’s long I just don’t know what to do, she’s always so unhappy

Also forgot to add, these portions are huge because they need to be or they don’t touch the sides. She shovels food down and regularly chokes on it.
Also she doesn’t speak so I can’t like, talk to her about it or calm her down

Personally I think many young children (certainly the case for mine) need 5 meals a day, so a substantial sit-down elevenses and afternoon tea with bread or cake, full fat dairy (milk or yoghurt etc) as well as fruit which isn’t filling.

My own child would not have been satisfied with wraps or omelettes for lunch - she has always needed quite heavy rib-sticking cooked meals both at lunch and dinner. She has also eaten adult portions from a young age. It hasn’t stopped her following her healthy weight curve on the chart.

I’d also suggest giving things like eggs for breakfast which will fill her up more. Pancakes and the like don’t give lasting energy.

In short, based on my own experience it can be surprising just how much food some kids need.

The screaming does sound extreme and obviously there may be more to it but I would give bigger portions of healthy high-calorie food more often through the day as a starting point and see if it changes anything.

You need to seek advice asap - this sounds like the onset of Prader-Willi syndrome.

I think medical advice is certainly needed. There are various things it could be, either linked to autism or a separate genetic issue, behavioural or developmental. Are you under any care for her suspected autism? Do you have HV or GP involvement?

@Yika Me and my partner both work a lot so it’s hard for us to do things like cooked breakfasts, and I think basically making two dinners wouldn’t work for us either. I’ve tried increasing portions so I know if I gave her eggs for breakfast and cooked meals twice a day, she’d eat that and then ask for more….

@Hugasauras We have both HV and GP involvement and she is also at a health visitor led nursery which has been good for keeping an eye on her behaviour. They genuinely will not proceed further with autism diagnosis until she’s older, however we are pushing for some level of speech therapy for her as I think that’d help with the food thing

I second Prader-Willi syndrome, maybe read up and see if anything sounds familiar

My 2yo is similar, although he won't eat meals and is a staunch veg dodger. He just wants snacks all day and will scream until he gets something. He had breakfast at home, cereal with toast or a banana, a second breakfast at nursery, AM snack, lunch, PM snack, high tea then gets home and has another snack then tea (or I try to give him tea and he'll refuse it and have bread/sandwich/chips, yoghurt, fruit, biscuit, crackers and cheese or something similar) and then cereal or toast before bed. weekends he would happily graze all day. I worry about his diet because it's a lot of food, the things eats he'll have adult portions and zero vegetables. Elder dc has always had a big appetite and at 6 eats the same amount I do, both tall but not are overweight (6yo on 91st centile and 2yo off the charts).

We try to keep it healthy, but I admit I give in and let him have crisps, a biscuit, crackers or similar just to make the screaming stop.

Sometimes distracting works but it's buying time rather than stopping the screaming for food. I'll get his favourite toy or pop the tv on, put music on... whatever works to get his attention away from the kitchen. Does your dd respond to distractions? It could be a habit to break, but I would definitely be pushing the gp to take it seriously even if to rule out anything.

@MajesticallyAwkward I am really lucky in the sense of she loves veg, the only thing she really hates is rice which is a weird one but I can’t complain I guess. Distractions work at the beginning, usually I’ll randomly play with something and she’ll join in and forget but it doesn’t work for long.
I do keep trying with the gp but sadly they just don’t seem willing to help. I will say my gp is pretty useless, but they wouldn’t help without my hv, who is also useless; she disappeared for nearly a year and wouldn’t answer calls so we’ve dealt with this on our own until fairly recently.

A lot of the food you mentioned is quite light and carby, so not particularly filling at the time, and will leave her feeling hungry quite soon afterwards. I would be adding a lot more protein into her diet, including full fat dairy and nut butters, to see if that makes a difference.

Your area is out of step right many others I’m not offering autism diagnosis or treatment until 3. In my area they do this from 18 months, as early intervention can make a if difference. Do you have the funds to see therapists privately for speech and language?

Look at Prader-Willi syndrome (a condition that begins around 2yrs old). See if there's anything that stands out to you.

I'm not saying that's what she has but I am saying a useless GP and Health Visitor need to be kicked to the curb and replaced with people who take it seriously enough to want to refer to see if there is anything else going on.

OP I noticed your child goes to nursery.

Can you ask her key worker there how she acts around food at nursery?

If she exhibits the same behaviour then she needs to be investigated. If she doesn't then follow Yika advice of giving her 5 meals rather than 3 huge meals, and TotalRhubarb of giving her more protein in each of her 5 meals could work.

Also I have never been able to eat anything in front of toddlers related to me including my own DD without them wanting what I'm eating. It doesn't matter if they have eaten before hand they still want what I'm having and some have had tantrums/scream until I give in.

Prader Willi is damn rare & you’d probably have picked up on related issues by now.

The m-chat can be useful to pick up signs of autism, as can this: www.hanen.org/Programs/For-Parents/It-Takes-Two-to-Talk.aspx

A sensory diet/sensory toolkit might help too. Ideally you’d have OT input, but in the meantime take a look here: www.sensorymom.com/sensory-tool-kits-what-are-they-and-how-do-i-make-one/

@RedWingBoots raises a good point about nursery. The portions at nurseries are a lot less than you give OP, is she doing the same there?

Hi as for testing for prada-willi syndrome my gp referred us to a geneticist at sy Georges when he was 18 momths old. Also there is no reason why the GP cannot refer him to a developmental paediatrician (they saw my son at 2.5 years old). Push for her to get checked as it means she will be more likely to get support sooner even if she is not formally diagnosed.

@RedWingBoots The nursery is who pushed the hv to do their job, they’ve said she’s constantly greeding food off other kids and standing at their kitchen door (which is embarrassing).
@TotalRhubarb We really don’t have the money to go private I’m afraid. I’m not especially surprised at how we are being treated by the gp, but we’ve already moved practice once I don’t think there’s any good ones near us (low income area). I don’t like my health visitor as it is as I think she’s rude but I can’t really do much else accept bother them

OP it is not embarrassing that your child is doing this. She is 2 years old and regardless of whether she has a disability or not, she is still learning how to act with other people including other children.

Also taking food of other children is in the range of normal behaviour at 2 or waiting around the kitchen. My DD has done both. However taking food of other children and waiting around the kitchen after eating it isn't.

Is she getting any professional help with her development? So have nursery referred her for speech therapy? And is she showing any other signs of development problems? I’m just wondering why nursery and HV are refusing to acknowledge the importance of early intervention.

Absolutely push for a paediatrician referral. We have one for my 2yo on the basis of needing an autism assessment and I know someone who was referred for her 18 month old! Do not be fobbed off - waiting lists are very long so you won't necessarily be seen anytime soon. Her age should not be a barrier.

For a 2 year old who goes to nursery, and it seems has gone to nursery for a whole, it is definitely not normal to be grabbing food from other kids. Ignore the pp. Your nursery is absolutely correct to ask you to get a HV involved.

I would keep a food and drink diary (weigh the food, keep track of ingrediants) and take videos of when she cries so you can show the data to the GP as it will help them refer her faster.

One thing I want to ask - if you did what she wanted and kept her supplied with food whenever she asked does her behaviour improve or does she move onto other things? Does she play? How is her development in other areas? Don’t fall for GPs etc trying to push towards autism if her behaviour and development don’t stack up. Many Gps are often incredibly reluctant to test for physical causes (I don’t want to scare you but many Cancers and metabolic conditions also cause hunger like this). So the pp recommendation to push hard for a pediatric consultation is a good one. Your food diary and videos will def help them progress things faster

OP I feel you, DS is 6 and the same - no he won't scream but he will never say no to food, he'll grab two of everything in both hands and eats DDs food as well as his own. He is insatiable and it leaves me worn down always having to have food ready when I'm also balancing a 2 year old and work. He is also non verbal and we're finally getting ready for his ASD assessment. Currently home schooling until he has an EHCP for multiple reasons but he would definitely eat everyone else's lunch if he went to school.
Watching this thread for the responses and also off to look up Prader Willi Syndrome

You need to follow advice others have given above. More protein rich foods, more frequent. If it helps my 3 year old eats more than yours.
-Fruit smoothie (with Greek yogurt and seeds for protein ) and an oat bar when he wakes

• often a Liga baby risk in car on way to school

-Porridge at nursery breakfast

• toast and fruit 10 am snack
• cooked lunch e g. Curry& rice, pasta bake
• afternoon snack of flapjacks or banana bread or other cake/biscuit and veg sticks
• some crackers/ rice cakes/ pistachios when gets home from nursery
• cooked dinner, whatever we are having
• crackers & cheese or similar snack before bed.

Then push, push, push for Autism diagnostic and Speech Therapy. 3 is not too young for either and she needs both

@Ozanj I better tell my CM with over 20 years of experience and my consultant paediatrician friend they are both wrong about 2 year olds behaviour development. The OP's DD is doing both, which is a problem, and more so if it continues as she gets older.

Anyway what I came back to tell the OP is that she needs to write a list of behaviours that she is happy to hand over to a GP at any appointment she has, as the GP will often only listen to part of what she says due to the number of patients the GP has. Some GPs will also think videos etc are isolated events so give the GP as much information as possible when pushing for a referral.

I thought of my teenage dc when I saw your title. They ask for food constantly, scream for food, slam doors, throw it against the wall if it’s ‘healthy.’ They do have diagnosed special needs (not autism but behavioural) and they were tested for Prader-Willi syndrome which they did not have. However they didn’t have the insatiable appetite for food at 2 like your dc. They were slightly delayed developmentally and had no language at all though.

I sympathise and it is very very hard and constant. I hope you find help and answers.