Would anyone say that they are the result of 'gentle' parenting?

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Would anyone say they are the result of gentle parenting? As in your parents closely followed gentle/attachment parenting, now you are an adult? I loved the idea of this before coming a parent but now some of the groups I'm in seem to be so rigid and toxic. Just wondering if an adult would say it significantly benefitted them or if they had issues around authority etc later in life. I think it's relatively new to apply this name to this style of parenting so not sure if there will be anyone.

A friend of mine at school was. She found her parents pretty claustrophobic once older, but that could of course been down to her personality rather than parenting style:

Depends what you mean by ‘gentle parenting’ - you conflate it with attachment parenting in your OP, despite them being different things. My DH’s parents were (and still are) respectful of their children, discussed problems and behaviours, didn’t have the naughty step or time out and didn’t really shout unless it was a life or limb situation. Basically, without really realising it, they kind of implemented the ideas in books such as ‘How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen’ before they were a thing. I think a lot of it is why my DH is so secure with himself and has an excellent relationship with his parents. But my husband didn’t sleep in their bed, breastfeeding stopped before the age of 1 and they weren’t carried everywhere in slings, which a lot of people seem to think is crucial to ‘gentle parenting’ now, rightly or wrongly.

@AliceW89 ahh okay, I didn't know they were different. The Facebook groups I mentioned in OP say that they are the same, and yes they are vigilant that you must breastfed and bed share forever in order to be this kind of parent, if not then shame on you. Maybe I'm just reading things from the wrong kind of people. But that's interesting thank you!

@Timeturnerplease oh really? Probably their personality!

I think my parents did attachment and gentle parenting to some extent- without really signing up to any philosophy.
Hard to say but I think it gave me a really secure attachment. I can remember no issues with sleep, at a certain age I just started going to my own bed when I was tired. Never any stress around bedtimes as I have alway loved sleep. My parents were very relaxed around rules, especially as I got older. I was never told to eat certain things or that I had to finish meals. I don't remember any rules as such but I also knew that if they did tell me to stop or I got the look I had to behave.
The only drawback I can see is it either works or it doesn't and that depends on the child. I generally was a good eater, sleeper, fairly chilled out. As a teenager I was late a lot, bit lazy/messy and forgot homework but generally I was very motivated and did well. Pushing me to keep my room tidy or focusing on the odd dention for been late would have just caused stressed.
But I know friends and family who really wanted to have a laid back style and thier child just needed more structure. I don't think there is one size fits all and some children need stronger routines and boundaries than others. Some parents do as well!

I don’t think you are reading things incorrectly. I’m not on Facebook, but I’ve heard the same about the toxicity in these groups. I think gentle parenting is great. Unfortunately though, like most things in child raising, it’s been hacked by extremists. Both by those who think that gentle parenting requires coexisting attachment parenting…and those who think that gentle parenting equates to permissiveness, which comes from both its critics and proponents.

My parents didn't do full on "attachment parenting" in the way that it's now labelled, but their overarching philosophy was quite close to this. DSis and I both excelled at school and neither of us felt the need to rebel as teenagers. We have both done well, both have good relationships with our parents now. As for issues with authority...I dunno, we are both in senior leadership roles so make of that what you will. Perhaps we both prefer to be the authority than being under it?

I have broadly parented my dd in the same way. I don't identify with any particular school of parenting, just follow my own instincts, which are probably closely linked to my own upbringing. She is 16 now, and it seems to be working pretty well so far.

I think my parents were gentle, but not attachment parents.

I joined a gentle parenting Facebook group and had to leave because of the huge amount of shaming of formula feeding - I already had pretty bad PND and PNA caused by my inability to breastfeed, hence why I was trying to join those groups in the first place I think, in some kind of desperate attempt to get everything else ‘right’ because I already felt I’d failed so badly.

I like the ‘big little feelings’ Instagram account, I’ve read ‘the book you wish your parents had read’ and ‘how to talk so little kids will listen’ and all of the above is definitely informing how I’m trying to parent my now toddler. I do some stuff that fits with attachment parenting philosophy but definitely wouldn’t qualify as a gold star attachment parent, I don’t think that means I can’t be a gentle parent too.

My parents were far from anything that would qualify as today’s definition of gentle parenting but they were fairly chilled, didn’t have arbitrary rules for the sake of them and were fairly relaxed about most things, albeit that I did know what the expectations were in terms of doing well at school and being polite. I remember my friends telling me they weren’t allowed to do this that or the other and I used to pretend ‘oh me neither’ because I worried it was weird that I didn’t have such set rules. I was the youngest by a long way and I think they almost couldn’t be arsed by the time I came along - I’m not sure it was the result of any thought through approach to parenting though.

My sister followed " attachment parenting" with her daughter. They coslept for a few years since she was born, she breastfed her for nearly 3 years. She was very responsive as a parent and did everything for her and followed all her needs. Did BLW and gave her choices in everything.
Fast forward to her daughter in teenage years (she's 18 now) - the daughter had long episodes of depression and had to attend therapy. She doesn't like talking to anyone and can be quite snappy. She also became a very fussy eater, only eats fast food (goes out and buys her own food with pocket money), even though my sister always cooked healthy.

I don't think my sister's parenting style had much impact on this but also it doesn't seem it brought much benefit.

Lol, no. There was no such thing as gentle parenting when I was a kid.

Gentle parenting on tiktok is interesting and not about breastfeeding or co-sleeping. It's more how they implement boundaries in a nice way and acknowledged the dcs feelings, whilst still making them do what they want them to do.

Structure isn't not being a gentle parent. You can have structures, bedtimes, routines, FF and still be a gentle parent.

I'm not a gentle parent, or I wasn't when my dc were young. I look back and think I was too harsh tbh. But I did do things that gentle parents do - ie do you want to wear your blue or your green t-shirt - as not wearing a t-shirt wasn't an option but they had some choice within it.

I have two lovely teens. I don't 'parent' them anymore. I chat to them and guide them to make their own decisions. When they were young and being naughty I would get dysregulated and shout, their behaviour doesn't do that to me anymore and I know what's going on in their lives. I think you'd have to have a really secure attachment base and be really really good at regulating your own emotions to put gentle parenting into practice 24/7 whilst toddling and the primary years.

If you want to do it, do it your own way. Nobody else gets to tell you whether and for how long your child breastfeeds / sleeps on you or in your bed. Good to have ideas of what you want to do and then be flexible for you and the child/ren.

My parents were of the ungentle parenting school.
Both myself and my brother have issues around authority. Sorry to muddy the waters OP. Ungentle parenting had multiple and lasting negative effects on both of us.

I think the groups seem rigid and toxic because they will tend to attract the zealots. Most people will just read an article here and there and mix it in with their own experience and ideas. I think gentle parenting and attachment parenting give food for thought, but I've also seen families who seem to have taken it too far (a family member was into all this, and all their friends from the groups seemed a bit nuts, with a high proportion of kids with behavioural issues, though I don't know if the parenting actually caused or exacerbated the issues, or was in response to them).

Personally, I had one parent who was gentle, respectful but also reasonably firm. My other parent could be affectionate but more on the shouty, short-tempered end of the spectrum. There was certainly no attachment parenting going on in my family, in the sense of extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping etc. We turned out OK. Any difficulties we had, I'd put down to other things.

With my DC, I take inspiration from the best of what my parents did, and sprinkle in a dash of parenting tips from various sources, including things that overlap with gentle or attachment parenting, but I'm certainly not fully subscribed to those philosophies. I don't lose my temper, but that's just my personality, thankfully.

I think it's OK for kids to see you a bit peeved sometimes. I don't mean shouting all the time, but if they cross a line I don't think you have to be sugary-sweet and trot out a "gentle" script. Particularly with younger children, I think they can just get confused by an insincere smile and a lecture on "kind hands" and "it makes mummy sad". I'd rather be straight with them and show them my real reaction (in moderation), so they learn how people react to behaviour. And I think it gives them permission to have honest emotional reactions too, developing emotional intelligence. I don't want to model total repression, or emotional blackmail. I'm sure that's not what gentle parenting is supposed to do either, but it's what I've seen from some families.