Dad getting upset 6 week old won’t settle with him

[Jellywellyfish]

Hi. I’m sure this is has been asked and answered a thousand times, but I’m at a bit of a loss and feeling sad for my husband.

My daughter is 6 weeks old and ebf (no bottle just me at the moment) and my husband is getting a little disheartened and feeling he’s not doing a good job because he cant get our baby to settle with him. If he picks her up crying he cant console her and ends up passing her to me and I’ll latch her onto my boob and she will settle immediately and feed.

I keep explaining to him that she’s so young and just wants to eat and sleep at the moment and he gets that, and he also knows she doesn’t prefer me she just wants the milk, but is there anyway (without going on the bottle straight away) that I can help her settle with him?

He will change her nappies and dress her and he will also have a bath with her every other night: he’s very hands on and a good supportive dad!!

When she goes down for naps she will always do so after a feed. I wouldn’t be able to settle her without her dropping off at the breast unless we took her for a walk in her pram or a sling.

I know this phase won’t last long and I’ll be crying for help on here when she only wants her daddy(!) but any hints or tips would be really welcomed.

I had a similar issue for the first few weeks when I was EBF (moved to combi feeding for other reasons so this is no longer a problem).
I let DH just do other things with DD. Bedtime routine so bath, pj's, read a book then I would feed her and when she was sleepy, pass her to him for a cuddle before being put in her crib.
When he went back to work I made sure that once his day finished I would pass her over for play time, cuddles, nappy changes etc and get DH involved. This also gave me more of a break which was nice.
DH will often do the middle of the night feed which is nice as i dont BF for this. Could you maybe express and let DH do this?

He's taking this personally when it's absolutely not. Your baby's entire universe revolves around you, for obvious reasons. This won't last forever or even all that much longer. She is still very, very young. She will soon start taking a much more keen interest in the world around her, which includes her dad. Tell him to be patient.

I didn't breast feed and my husband was convinced our son hated him at one point because he wouldn't settle for him. Of course he didn't, he was just a baby and used to spending most of the day with me.

The only thing I can say is to reassure him that he's a good dad and, I know some people won't agree with this, but tell him his feelings are valid. I swear my husband had depression of some sort as he would be crying some days and felt completely useless and I didn't want him to feel like that about himself.

It's hard when they are so little as they sleep a lot, but just keep encouraging him to do the things he's doing with her, he sounds like he's doing a great job (you both do)

If she's had a feed, could he take her out for a walk if she sleeps in the pram?

She's only tiny and they are often very particular - weirdly both of mine have settled instantly for their grandad, he's a calm and relaxed man and they can sense a vibe from people. It'll get easier and they switch their preference of "favourite" parent fairly regularly.

Can you not express so dad can do a feed every day?

Also let him know that for 9 months she could hear your heart beat/stomach/intestines etc and when she’s with you she’ll hear those familiar sounds from you so it is just whilst she’s so young she will feel safest with you

He needs to grow up and stop making this about him.

Send him a link to an article about the fourth trimester. She is only six weeks old. Could he maybe try thinking about something other than himself for a bit? A baby is not a toy to be taking turns with.

He needs to grow up and stop making this about him.

That’s really harsh, a dad wants to bond with his daughter and be able to make her happy and comfortable. Ok he lacks the knowledge to know why that’s not happening now but that doesn’t make him a bad person

@labyrinthlaziness

He needs to grow up and stop making this about him.

Send him a link to an article about the fourth trimester. She is only six weeks old. Could he maybe try thinking about something other than himself for a bit? A baby is not a toy to be taking turns with.

This.

For God's sake, he needs to put his hurty feels in the back of a drawer.

What he can do now to care for your baby is to support you. Ensure you're getting enough to eat and drink, do the laundry, do bath times and nappy changes and play with her.

@Chichimcgee

He needs to grow up and stop making this about him.

That’s really harsh, a dad wants to bond with his daughter and be able to make her happy and comfortable. Ok he lacks the knowledge to know why that’s not happening now but that doesn’t make him a bad person

I didn't say he was a bad person, I said he needs to grow up - he's an immature person.

@Chichimcgee

He needs to grow up and stop making this about him.

That’s really harsh, a dad wants to bond with his daughter and be able to make her happy and comfortable. Ok he lacks the knowledge to know why that’s not happening now but that doesn’t make him a bad person

No it's not. This comes up time and again on here. There are a million books about the fourth trimester.

There's a new mum who's trying to establish breastfeeding, a new baby who is coming to terms with being in a cold new world and instead of him stepping up, he's making the OP all worried and sad about him.

It's monstrously egotistical

he's making the OP all worried and sad about him yes this. He maybe needs therapy but the last thing he should be doing is interfering with bf-ing or sleep.