Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

challenging 9 year old DD

10 replies

reallydoyouthinkso · 21/02/2022 22:13

DD has always been a challenging one, especially at bedtime. She is refusing to go bed most nights and is incredibly rude when we try to talk to her about it. If we do get her upstairs she starts screaming and throwing herself about. She often then bumps herself in the process e.g. stubs her toe on her bed, which makes her scream even more.

We have tried chatting during the day about what a good bedtime looks like from her perspective and following the Explosive Child ideas. So, her bedtime and the routine is the one she chose but it isn't working as she won't do it when it comes to bedtime.

We have tried reward charts, losing access to electronics etc. We honestly don't know what to do and it has been going on for years. We hate evenings, can't get stuff done and she is often exhausted in the morning and so difficult to get up for school. Her rudeness isn't just confined to bedtimes and she still bites and hits if we say no to anything. We don't give in so this isn't the result of us being lax on that front.

any help appreciated!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Littlemissprosecco · 21/02/2022 22:18

It’s a phase! Stay strong

minipie · 21/02/2022 22:20

What time is bedtime?

Houseplantmad · 21/02/2022 22:21

Biting and hitting at 9 aren't usual. What's she like at school when things don't go her way? Sounds like some sort of behavioural issue that may need exploring further.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

9 year olds Families General parenting

Nelliephant1 · 21/02/2022 22:24

Is she scared? I remember being terrified to go to bed as a child, I'm not sure why, but it was a genuine fear.

Breastfeedingworries · 21/02/2022 22:25

What was she like when younger? Was there always a bedtime time in place ect. When did it all start? He behaviour sounds very young, like my 3 year old. what about reading a book before bed/listening to stories ect. I’d be staying something like, bed lamp on book, then lights out audio book ect…

Nelliephant1 · 21/02/2022 22:25

I still don't ever say good night to anyone, it feels much too final in that if I say good night, I can't see or talk to them until morning 😳

Original poster

reallydoyouthinkso · 21/02/2022 22:30

thank you for your replies

@Littlemissprosecco - the trouble is that is a phase since she was a baby! I'd quite like it to be over soon

@minipie - at the moment, bedtime is upstairs at 9pm, lights out by 10pm. This is new, though. Previously we had 8pm (but this wasn't achievable because she has some clubs that finish around then or we had to pick up her siblings at that time) and so in the summer we moved to 8.30pm but still the poor behaviour. One difference was though, that we would continue to get the poor behaviour once she was in bed with an 8 or 8.30 bedtime. With the later bedtime getting her upstairs is an issue but once she is in bed, she's not so bad.

Essentially, we get this behaviour no matter what time her bedtime is and have done for years.

OP posts:

Littlemissprosecco · 21/02/2022 22:35

Oh bless you that is a long phase!
Have you tried asking the gp about sleep clinic?
I know it’s a long shot

Original poster

reallydoyouthinkso · 21/02/2022 22:39

@Houseplantmad - nothing coming back from school, so she seems to be fine then. Certainly no reports about hitting etc.

@Nelliephant1 - this was something I had thought about but she just says that bedtime is boring so I haven't been able to get out of her any ideas about being scared. Doesn't mean that she isn't of course, but I don't know how I would know if she isn't willing to share that.

@Breastfeedingworries - yes, always a consistent bedtime routine since she was young and this behaviour since then too, certainly since she was a toddler. So upstairs, into PJs, story or two, teeth, lights out. We had tried audio books in the past sometimes that worked but she currently refuses to listen to any. She will sometimes have some music playing on low though and she has some fairy lights so it isn't totally dark. I have also tried the meditation type apps but she refuses to listen to those as well. At the moment though, it isn't getting her to sleep that is the problem, it is getting her upstairs for bed. Yes, she does seem very young in her behaviour. She's our youngest and this is not something we experienced with the others.

OP posts:

Voice0fReason · 21/02/2022 23:13

If you've used the Explosive Child method and it's not working, you need to go over it again. That's the whole point of the method. It isn't a single conversation solution.
This has been going on for some time so she probably lacks the awareness to fully understand what is causing the problems. It's going to take some time to unpick.
I would also look at the melatonin boosters that you can get with Montmorency cherries. Cherry Active is a decent brand. It's not a miracle solution but it might help in conjunction with the other things.

Flip