My baby cried til she was sick, feeling like a failure

[Hanflower311]

I feel like a dreadful mum. I think baby was overtired but I couldn't get her to settle in my arms, kept squirming and in the end I asked my partner to take over. He did, but he did just as crappy a job and when I went to take over again baby was sick from crying so hard. She did settle eventually but she was just sobbing in my arms I feel like the crappiest mum ever and can't stop crying for how she must have felt

Please don't beat yourself up. Babies test us so much and we all have bad days. New day tomorrow x

Awww, you aren’t a dreadful mum at all! You tried your very best. Babies aren’t straight forward and it wasn’t like you were leaving her to cry. Maybe think about why she was so unsettled and how you could prevent the same thing happening again? Honestly though, not your fault and don’t be too hard on yourself.

Honestly OP you will have times like this. It happens! But make sure you are getting some rest and support. Parenting is hard and so difficult when they can't tell you what's wrong

If she settles after being sick perhaps she had tummy ache?! Don’t feel bad honestly. You did your best and she wasn’t in any harm. All you can do when they cry sometimes, once youve gone through all the potential triggers, is just offer comfort! Which you did. Xxx

We had that all the time with DD, and DH and I felt very alone dealing with it. GP was no help. At her 6 week checkup, Paed suggested she had reflux, not a problem, try and keep her upright 30 minutes after every feed but it will still happen at times and especially if she's upset - but it was not our fault, so just settle her again and give her another small feed if she needed it.

If there is wind trapped, babies can get very upset as it hurts and they can't make it move so well.

If they are greedy and eat too much, their tummy hurts because it is so small and is stretching.

If they are overtired or overexcited (sometimes too many visitors or too much exciting play at the wrong time) and just can't get to sleep, they get upset and can get so upset they go beyond being capable of settling for sleep until they literally run out of all energy.

There are so many reasons why it can happen, and you feel dreadful after each one. But it's part of them getting to know the world as much as anything else. And as long as you are caring for them, trying to find out and deal with potential problems, and just loving them, that's the important bit. And then they wake up after a good sleep and digesting the big feed and full of energy and smiles and make you feel so much better.

Yep my DD did this stood up in her cot, oh I felt like I was so bad. I was doing my best she was fine. I once called the GP out at night, in the days when this was the norm, we couldn’t settle her I thought she was ill. GP said she was having a tantrum.

Thank you all so much for your comforting replies. It is so hard when you feel like as the one person who is meant to soothe your baby you can't always get it right. The little sobs after she had mostly calmed down broke my heart. I know it's unreasonable of me to expect things to always go smoothly but I got myself so worked up and upset! Your kind words have really really helped xxx

How old is your baby?

You were holding her, so it’s not like you had left to cry. Please don’t feel bad about this. You are only human and it can be really tricky to figure out why your baby is so upset. As others have said, she could have had a bit of tummy ache, and being sick sorted that out for her.

Be kind to yourself, you did your best for your baby and she knows you love her.

Oh mate, it sounds like she had a wee sore tummy or trapped wind and that's why she settled after being sick. We've all been there, please don't beat yourself up. Next time try a wee bounce while she's tucked upright into your shoulder rather than in your arms. But you've got this.

Oh love, babies seem to exist to make us feel like failures. I remember it clearly and my youngest is 15…
Don’t judge yourself and reserve, you don’t have to be a perfect parent, being a good enough parent is good enough.

@Cleothecat75 she is 4.5 months. She does get quite overstimulated and doesn't do tired well so I think she was just a little past her sweet spot for going to sleep and she got so frantic. I never leave her to cry the most is 30 seconds to gather myself but I just feel like she's thinking why aren't you helping me?! Obviously I did in the end because she settled but that's how it felt xxx

@MaChienEstUnDick thank you for the tip!! I will give it a go if it happens again xxx

@Ohyesiam haha! You're right!!! Glad I'm not alone. Parenting is harder than I ever expected it to be, the first few months have been mind boggling xxx

I hate that feeling, my baby is 5 months, he was constipated and bawling for one afternoon, I was doing all the right things for constipation but it still took about 5 more hours to come out with him on and off crying. I felt like I was breaking his heart because I I couldn't immediately fix the problem and he must have been thinking I was rubbish

@tirednewmumm that sounds horrible for you and baby! Poor you. We have never had constipation thankfully, but we had a lot of digestive problems and colic the first couple of months and it was really upsetting. I totally get where you're coming from. As mums we just want to make it better xxx

It's so hard, I agree it's harder than I imagined. Hope you're doing ok, the lack of sleep makes everything seems worse than it is

Our daughter did this, for months and months.

She’s a very well balanced, 27 year old now. Her own toddler is a fantastic self-soothing sleeper who at 18 months has been actually sick twice.

Nothing to do with parenting. Hang on in there.

My DD was sick from crying so hard the one and only time DH tried cry it out.
Never again! Sometimes the nights are just horrible. Hopefully she will sleep in your arms and allow you to put her down tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day

Awwww please don't beat yourself up, it sounds like you coped incredibly well. Those meltdowns really do test you.

DS gets overstimilated/overtired very easily (he's 5 months now) and its the only time he cries absolutely inconsolably. We just have to try and make sure he's awake no longer than 1 hour 30 during the day and 2-3 hours in the evening. I know very well the little sobs and whimpers after a meltdown, it is heartbreaking!

@Namechangegardens that sounds very similar to my daughter, she's so sensitive to being overstimulated xxx

Mine used to be sick a lot whenever she cried.

It’s to do with the immature muscle at the top of the tummy.

She’s 15 now…