Struggling with 11 month old

[littlebunny83]

I am a first time Mum to 11 month old baby.
I really don't know what's going on with me and need some advise from other Mums
I always wanted to be a Mum but was waiting for the right person to start the family with. I am finally in a happy relationship I am 40 this year. My pregnancy was very problematic and I was constantly worrying about loosing my baby (9months of stress)
I had a miscarriage in the past (very traumatic where one day I was told baby was fine and next scan showed no heartbeat)

Fortunately DC was born healthy. I love her so much but I feel overwhelmed with everything. It seems like my partner is an amazing dad and have more patience and I am just waiting for him to be back from work and take over

We have some great time together, we play , we go swimming, we cuddle we meet with other Mums and babies but I always think they are better mums that I am, they love their children more etc I don't know why.

I can't even explain what the problem is. I just thought I would enjoy maternity leave so much but it feels like I am struggling. I often can't wait for baby go to sleep in the evening to have time to relax.

Baby is on the move all the time, there is no time for anything, I don't have any family around to help out, take her for a walk etc every time I talked to other Mums "everything is perfect". When she was a baby I thought I felt this way due to lack of sleep but even now when she sleeps better at night I still feel overwhelmed. Is it ever going to get better?

She will be going to nursery soon and it breaks my heart. I know I will miss her so much - so as you can see I am a mix of emotions, I don't understand myself

Do you get a break? When was the last time you went out for dinner with friends or a coffee? Does your DH take her out on hos own?

Are you breastfeeding - do you take any supplements?

Is it worth asking the GP for blood tests or a PND assessment?

@BertieBotts thank you for your reply
The only break is when I go food shopping or when DH takes her for a walk - usually 20 minutes max
He looks after her a lot and tells me to go and have a nap but I am at home and can hear her crying etc so cannot switch off completely

I stopped breastfeeding when DD was 4 months, she sadly preferred bottle.

I don't take any supplements

I talked to GP but she finds it completely normal, maybe I should speak to her again

Definitely try to take up your partners offer of time for yourself - this doesn't have to be napping or resting if that doesn't suit you. Did you have any hobbies before having her that you could get back into? I've started going to a yoga class again one evening a week and just that 1 hour really makes me feel better.

I have also found that starting some KIT days back at work has transformed how I feel. Those hours where I can use my brain, have adult conversations, go to the loo without being watched and eat lunch properly when I want to give me energy to then enjoy time with our baby. I genuinely feel energised when I leave work! Obviously this is very individual and some people won't have the same experience but for me it's been transformative. I feel like I can think and function like me again. I am coming to terms with the fact that maternity leave just wasn't really for me. I love our baby, but I need to be able to pursue other things as well. I miss her a lot when I'm not with her, but that feeling of looking forwards to seeing her is so lovely and one I don't get when I am in mummy mode 24/7!

Lastly - some of the other mums you speak to are definitely lying and who doesn't look forward to putting their little one to bed?!?! It sounds like you're doing great but perhaps ready to transition out of full time mum and back into a different balance of things?

every time I talked to other Mums "everything is perfect"

They’re almost certainly lying, to themselves and you. Ignore this point.

Not every likes maternity leave, especially if you’ve had a long and interesting career prior to it like it sounds like you have.

Chasing babies around and cleaning them isn’t exactly intellectually stimulating. They’re cute and you feel all warm and fuzzy when they cuddle you and learn a new thing but ultimately you didn’t go into childcare… it’s bloody boring and hard. The people who work at ours’ nursery and absolute hero’s.

I’ve done 1 KIT day a week for 2 months now and I’ve started a hobby 2 nights a week and it’s wonderful how quickly my mood has lifted. I like interacting with adults, it’s not a bad thing. Can you do KIT days or start a hobby?

Thank you so much for your replies @MGee123 @FTEngineerM I cried my eyes out when I read them xx

Huge hugs @littlebunny83. I'm sure you're a fantastic mum 🤗