Is this a reasonable amount to pay mum for looking after my child?

[Coley888]

Hi

My mum has offered to look after my son to help with nursery fees, she is 68 so I feel kind of awful excepting as I want her to enjoy her retirement, but she struggles financially and I thought it’s a way could help each other out. It would be twice a week all day, I’m thinking of paying her £300 per month as I am only working part time so not earning much.

If I was to put him in nursery for 2 days it would cost £600ish so it’s around half of the cost.

Do you think £300 is fair? My mum is too nice and would never say if she thought it was too little.

Thanks so much

Thats only £37 a day for an entire day!!! Does she need to drive to collect your child, or are you dropping off and collecting? How old is your child? Don't they qualify for some free child care hours?

There are multiple threads on here about grandparents minding children, tax implications for employing them etc. I'm sure someone with more experience will add advice, but I'd also have a back up plan. What are you currently doing and what are your plans IF your mum said no?

If you mother is too nice, then she might feel tied in with arrangement. There was another thread recently where the GM wasn't coping and wanted out of the arrangement.

My nursery is £44 per day so it’s not crazy low (unless you’re in London).

Could you afford the £600 to put DS in nursery or would that be prohibitive to you going back to work?

I think so much of this depends on the dynamic of your relationship to be honest. If you and her are very close, she’s absolutely desperate to look after DS and the money is a bonus and all you can afford…then £300/month might be fair. If you aren’t that close and she would be using the days to work/do other things then it might not be.

I would just say, I’d have a fall back plan. Your post reads like she’s on her own. 2 days a week with a toddler has the potential to be a lot of work for her. If she decides she needs more of a salary could you afford it? If she decides to go back to work what would you do then? Relying on one person for care is a bit hairy, especially if they aren’t being paid a full salary for it.

I think that sounds fair yes

Same situation here. My mum wouldn't want money so I'm going to treat her to a haircut or massage each month. Just a token thank you.

I'm a cm in the Midlands and charge £34 for an 8 hour day so that seems fair to me.

That's more than enough as she's your mum and trying to help you.

I wouldn't take a penny but that's me.

Seems fair to me, but first are you sure you don't qualify for any childcare help? You might not be saving as much as you think

I think it's fair. I've paid a family member in the past £40 per day.

£300 or £300 plus expenses?

I think that sounds fine. Helps you both out a bit financially and she will probably love the time with her grand child

To add I would be dropping him off to her and paying for all his food etc.

I think it’s fine and if she struggle financially she will be glad of the cash. But stick to it, don’t let her give you any of it back. Looking after small children is hard work!

She wants money for spending time with her grandchild?!

@ThrobbingToothacheOfTheMind

She wants money for spending time with her grandchild?!

Did you read the post at all? She hasn't asked for it, OP wishes to compensate her mum for making a significant regular commitment that is saving OP money at the same time.

This is a great arrangement I am sure if she didn’t need the money she wouldn’t take it . It’s a win win you are better off and she can have precious time with her grandchild .

My twins childminders are £35 per day per child so I think it's a reasonable amount

My parents have both our DDs (1.5 & nearly 3) 2 full days a week for free. I drop off and pick up, they're both 68 too. MIL does 1 full day a week, also for free, and we pay for 2 full days a week at nursery, so 8 a month, at a total of £351 a month. I think it's lovely you are offering your mum £300 a month and I wish I could do the same, I bet your mum will be thrilled 😊

I would have a set date to review as well so neither you and your mum feel locked in forever if something isn't working.

@ThrobbingToothacheOfTheMind No she doesn’t want money for looking after her grandchild but I wouldn’t let her do it for nothing. She’s always doing everything for everyone and she would absolutely look after him 7 days a week for free but I would never let her do it without giving her some money. She’s not in a great financial position so why wouldn’t she take some money if she was saving me £300 per month

[quote Chloesss]@ThrobbingToothacheOfTheMind No she doesn’t want money for looking after her grandchild but I wouldn’t let her do it for nothing. She’s always doing everything for everyone and she would absolutely look after him 7 days a week for free but I would never let her do it without giving her some money. She’s not in a great financial position so why wouldn’t she take some money if she was saving me £300 per month[/quote]
Name change fail?

Fair enough, you want to help her out financially.

I think if you are giving her regular money for a regular role it comes perilously close to employing her and you need to think very carefully about the implications or that for both of you

I think it's a perfect solution and will create a lovely bond between your DC and DM

I'd definitely say it's reasonable.

I'm £392 a month for 2 full days a week at my Son's nursery and the benefit to her watching them instead of nursery is that you save some money and she earns some extra money so I'd say that's a fair amount

I have looked after two GC regularly for two days a week from about 9 months. I do not ask any money for it and I feed them too. Happy to do it.

So ... given that your Mum is needing a bit of money, but I guess like me she would happily do it for nowt if she could, then what you are proposing sounds fine to me.