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Original poster

I've just completely lost it with ds...

16 replies

rosmincepieeater · 02/01/2008 16:33

Ds is nearly 2 and has entered the joyful world of tantrums. Today has been a total nightmare with about six tantrums, plus hitting & kicking! Just lost it with him now whilst trying to change (a very stinky) nappy. He was screaming and throwing his things around so I shouted at him and threw his things into the cot

I had just reached the end of my patience and didn't know what else to do. I've been giving him timeouts all day and they do work but only until the next time I need him to do something and tbh, they're more for me to calm down than him!

Any advice on how I can manage my temper or other ways of handling tantrums?

tia

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nannyL · 02/01/2008 16:35

sounds like you are handling it all very well

nearly 2 year olds can test the patience of a saint IMO

08aGreatYearForCarmenere · 02/01/2008 16:38

Oh my dear you have my utmost sympathy, each and every one of us have been there. As for how to handle the tantrums, well some swear by laughing at the child until they laugh too. I would reccomend having a safe contained space that offending child can be placed in whilst you go and make a cup of tea and calm down and ignore the tantrum. also ring your dp and ask him to be ready to be hands on this evening when he gets home as you need a bit of down time.
Don't worry too much though, you are doing your best, which is all any mum in the history of the planet can do xx

kittywise · 02/01/2008 16:39

{{hugs}} to you. I would say, count to 10 , all that stuff, easier said than done when dealing with stinky nappy though.
I have a mixture of pull ups and normal ones for my just 2 year old, infact I have them for my 8 month old too, it can save an awful lot of hassle, thank the lord for them.

Anyway I don't count what you did as loosing it, you should come round here. I managed to push my 2 year old over this morning, it wasn't intentional, she was pulling my hair and smacking the breastfeeding baby whilst I was lying in bed this morning so I kind of shoved her away and she fell backwards. Now did I feel shitty or what? .

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juuule · 02/01/2008 16:41

Give yourself time-out?
Breathe deeply.
Count to ten.
Realise it will pass.
If he's lashing out, make sure he's somewhere safe and leave him to it. Wait until the storm has passed then comfort him and talk to him. Ask him what it was all about (wouldn't expect an answer though).
Shouting at him and throwing his things in the cot? Not really very helpful. Might make you feel better but I doubt it.

cluckiemama · 02/01/2008 16:42

It sounds to me like you're doing the right thing, just ignore the tantrum, as long as he isn't going to hurt himself. If you need to leave the room, do so, all parents need some breathing space at this stage. Try and think of positive things to do with him, it will make you and him feel much better

snooks · 02/01/2008 16:46

Oh god can I join you? My 3.3 ds and 19mth ds have driven me round the bend and back most of the afternoon. When they're not fighting, pulling each other's hair or pushing each other over they are snatching toys or ds2 is whinging because he is overtired because he has decided to drop his afternoon nap Trying to control them today is like trying to hold the tide back.

The house is like a bombsite and I am praying for bedtime. Am also 22 weeks pregnant - I must be mad or stupid

snooks · 02/01/2008 16:48

Sorry to hijack and rant (and I didn't mean that last bit of what I said).

Original poster

rosmincepieeater · 02/01/2008 16:48

thanks for the quick replies! I've said sorry to him and cuddled him as I think I scared him a bit, so we are friends again now.

I think its just taken me by surprise as he's usually really easy-going but guess he's getting his independence now! I'll try the laughing one next time, that sounds good, otherwise just carry on with the time outs for both of us!

{{hugs}} to you Kittywise too!

OP posts:

Original poster

rosmincepieeater · 02/01/2008 16:50

join in snooks, good to know I'm not the only one!

Dh keeps on about having a 2nd one, after today he'll be lucky if I let him anywhere near me!

OP posts:

hermykne · 02/01/2008 16:51

listen i lost it with my two last night upon arriving home from grannies and they were in jammies half asleep, get to bedroom and dd starts kicking off she wants the blanket she knew was being washed, on her bed.
she woke ds up from his slumber and i went nuts. i was tired too.
walked away, they were crying with me and tiredness, and we all hugged and then i let them sleep in my bed for the night!

i felt awful, they forgot about it.

Acinonyx · 02/01/2008 16:55

Sounds like you're doing just fine. I am really struggling myself with my 2.5 yr-old who is actually a very easy toddler, relatively speaking (so how awful am I to lose my temper?). It's shocking, how totally provoking a toddler wailing and screaming is. I lost it with my dd yesterday and I've been morose and guilty about it all day - but of course she seemed over it in a minute.

I think they do need to recognise anger in response to genuinely annoying behaviour. If possible, I try to walk away - but that isn't always possible (like the situation you describe). Sometimes dh takes over (he never loses his temper - makes me feel even worse!).

I'm trying to OTOH make peace with occaisional limited shows of anger (we're only human and some anger is normal) and OTOH try to count to xxx, breath slowly and walk away if possible.

Much sympathy!

Acinonyx · 02/01/2008 16:57

Dh does the laughing thing and sometimes it works but more often gets furious and yells 'No laughing!'.

snooks · 02/01/2008 17:20

To end a rather perfect day dh just walked in from work to be greeted by me saying "Quick, I've just coughed and wet myself"

('Tis the pelvic floor with no.3 combined with not having time to go for a wee combined with a lingering cold)

TOMORROW WILL BE A BETTER DAY, I CAN FEEL IT IN MY WATER

pukkapatch · 02/01/2008 17:25

sorry rose, i;m going to be completely unhelful, and annoying.

wait till he is ten..... you will remember these days fondly.
how you ask?
well, lets see, youcould throw his stuff in the cot.
you could get him to stay in room, or wherever you put him in.
he istn likley to go out for a walk
he wont be calling up pizza hut and ordering pizza because he stormed off from the kitchen refusing to eat the healthy lunch you made him and his siblings. and the first you know abotu it is when the pizza man turns up on the doorstep.
he says 'make me' when you ask him to do a some work for the gazilllionth time.

sorry, this is turning into a compele hijack. its just that the op couldhave been written by me, butwith an older child having the tantrum.

kittywise · 02/01/2008 17:46

{{hugs}} to you pukka

Original poster

rosmincepieeater · 02/01/2008 20:19

pukka, it's always helpful to have an idea of what's coming! Atm, I reassure myself that it will be so much easier when he's older because I will be able to reason with him [dons rose-tinted glasses]!

But {{hugs}} to you as well!

I think a couple of you said that they seemed to forget about it, ds certainly did. When dh came home, on red alert because of my email, he found us cuddled up watching Balamory so I seem to have been forgiven!

When I was telling dh about it as well I realised that all of ds's tantrums were when I was trying to get him into his pushchair, get dressed or change his nappy.

But thanks for all the support anyway, I do feel slightly less guilty about the way I behaved!

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