Treat them like an alien - am I too soft or is that a bit grim?

[Stefka]

My brother has just had a baby with is partner and I have also recently had a LO so we were chatting about sleeping patterns as my LO won't sleep at the moment. Anyway he said he just leaves his baby to cry - something I just can't do. He's doing it on the advice of the midwife who told him that babies should be treated like aliens. That you wouldn't let an alien come down and take over your life and you must make the baby fit into your life and that it must learn that.

I was a bit at that. Why would I want to treat my DS like an alien? Or am I just too soft - people are always on at me to leave my DS to cry it out but he's only 10 weeks and I can't stand to leave him when he is distressed.

nice
have just requested DS "Take me to your leader" a few times but he just grinned and bit my nose

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you wouldn't change an alien's nappy or breastfeed it either
and i dread to think what this midwife's experiences of birth are

I left my dc to cry, if I had done everything for them and they still cried I just left them, I found it ok, but I know a lot of poeople find it really hard to do. I wouldn't say they are like an alien though, a bit of a strange comparison imo!!

but seriously, no this is ridiculous
very much of the claire verity type, let them know who's boss

No, no, no, no, no!

Babies are not aliens, they are people. The midwife is talking rubbish.

Babies cry to communicate. Let's say he cries because of a full nappy, but you leave him there "to cry it out" for a while - meanwhile he gets a sore bottom...

You have to accept when you have a baby that your life is going to change, you can't expect everything to stay the same and sort of tuck the baby away until it's convenient for you. He has needs too, and they don't include being left to cry, especially not at only ten weeks!

now I know my dd looked a bit like an alien in the early days - especially when swaddled - but she never got treated like one! Surely aliens come bursting out your tummy with no notice, not out your fanjo after hours and hours of pain!

That's what I thought! It just sounds really harsh. Why would you have a baby if you are going to treat them like an alien?! I can't believe this came from a midwife either. Makes me kind of mad as they are a young couple so just take what they are told by the midwives as being right.

There DS is only three weeks so even younger! I think they think that he's playing them when he cries if they have fed him etc. Mentioned cluster feeding and growth spurts to him but didn't want to come across all naggy and know it all so didn't push it too much. My DS is a very spoiled little alien I suppose.

most babies look like ugly aliens TBH

And theres nothing wrong with letting them cry til they fall asleep, otherwise they DO take over your life.

I can't listen to dd crying herself to sleep - I don't pick her up at the slightest whimper but I can tell an "I am sleepy and I am going to moan until I can finally sleep" cry from a "I am totally distraught and need help" cry. I really do not believe that a 3 week old baby is "playing" anyone - and a 3 week old baby deserves a lot of cuddles! Just my view

Stefka, if they have fed him, etc, perhaps he just wants a cuddle. Don't forget he has emotional as well as physical needs.

Your brother needs to know, their ds is not playing them up, he's too young to know how to, but leaving him to cry when all his needs are fulfilled will not harm him, so try not to worry too much

Yes I really don't get this idea that babies are out to be naughty and manipulative from the word go but I seem to be in the minority with that belief in my family. I have left my DS for a wee while if he is just having a little grump but can't leave him to cry. His wee face goes all red and I can't stand to listen to him upset. Still it's not my baby so not my decision - just glad to know I am not the only one who thinks the alien comment was a bit bizarre and horrible.

Where are people finding all these hideous midwives and HVs?? I've never heard anything remotely like this from the staff here but people are always posting reports of this kind of advice. It's amazing the human race isn't completely disturbed and deranged - hmmmm.....

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definitely
I think leaving to cry while you're in the middle of something or even doing cc with an older baby is very different to leaving a small baby to cry
PLus, as we all seem to know apart from this MW the baby may just be crying for attention or to be picked up for a cuddle - and what on earth is wrong with a baby wanthing attention or a cuddle?!

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I was telling my aunt about this last night and she pointed out that even dogs get to stay with their mum's for two months to be puppies and do their baby thing. Why are people so obsessed with training babies from the minute they are born?