What do you do if CC is so terrible you cant bear it? Alternatives please.

[pevie]

Sorry am a messaging fiend at moment as having really bad time. See thread related to cutting out night feeding. It went really badly as we tried initiatl cuddle and then leaving room for few minutes as advised. But she kept screaming up for over 3 hours till we eventually wnet in and rocked her to sleep. Just really worried about where we go from here as dont want to go back to night feeding but cant bear anymore crying like this. Do you think rocking is just replacing one association with another? Or should we try some other form of sleep training? Ideas please.

We have done cosleeping, didnt work well for us as wakes all the time and I am terrible sleeper too.

Oh dear poor you - for us we found the crux was to never take her out of her cot but to hold her hand firmly / stroke back or tummy or forehead or whichever she found most soothing. She would get in to an awful state and then she would just suddenly go to sleep BUT each of them are different, so maybe it's not the right time yet? How old is she?

Saw your other thread. We went through the same thing with dd - she started feeding even more at night from 6 mo and I was exhausted. We tried cc but it was too hard. What I basically did was to try again every 3-4 weeks (I just didn't know what else to do - co-sleeping definitley didn't work and the worst of it was that she would often stay up for a couple of hours no matter what we did).

At about 9 mo it suddenly worked easily. I only ever left her for 5 mins (what a long 5 mins though!) and at that time she only needed one or 2 intervals - very occaisionally 3. Those 3 mo were really rough though - I sympathise. But perhaps it is just a matter of time and sleep training will possible.

I think dd was in a developmental phase from 6 mo that just made everything (sleeping and feeding) go to pot - but it passed.

Yes I agree - 6 months does seem to be a huge milestone for them and our DD was 9.5 months when the CCing worked. When she's ill she goes back to night feeds and then when she's better we have to do a little bit of sleep training and then we're back on track again.

Acinoyx, hope youre back on this tonight as am really interested in what you've said. When you tried it each time, how long did you wait before giving in and what did you do when you gave in, just go back to rocking or feeding??? Did your Lo have any other problems or just sleep problems cos ours started out with reflux although I think it seems much better now and also has bad wind on and off. We tried it about 6 months too although I was still feeding innight then and it wasnt so horrific, hour and a half first night and then only about half hour thereafter. I just ended up giving in one night cos I thought she seemed sore. However, this time round, she kept up screaming for over 3 hours and I just couldnt live with that. We are planning to go back to dream feed tonight so we know she definately not hungry and then send in DH to hold her in arms rather than feed. But who knows if that will make things any better?

Shes 8 mths at moment by the way so maybe will try it again next month. Just worried cos going back to work in month or two.

pevie, couldn't not respond again... sorry it is all so shit for you still... no advice at all on cc, seems to be such a personal thing... i could never do it as could never be sure ds wasn't in pain/refluxing etc but, tbh, don't think i could have done it regardless. in fact at nearly 2 i still go pretty much straight to him when he cries at night (always wait a tiny bit to see if can settle first...) just wanted to repeat to you in your hour of need that i promise this will pass, it will get better. even if you choose not to do cc. i have done no sleep training at all and my ds is perfectly able to self settle/ sleep through the night...
just do what feels right to you. and good luck. i promise you will get decent sleep again.

Set a hairdryer going outside the room for each period you leave her. The white noise is calming for her and you don't have to hear the crying!

Thanks zonedout. I just find it really hard to accept that it might sort itself out as it shows no signs of stopping... I'm sure we'll look back one day and be amazed we survived i?????? May try white noise in future but am abandoning whole thing for now and just go back to trying to rock her...

Poor you

Have you tried pick up/put down? Or shh pat? Both baby whisperer techniques. Or you could read the no cry sleep solution by Elizabeth Pantley which some people swear by.

My 9m DS is going through this at the moment (his sleep schedule went totally out of whack after he was in hospital and on a 2 hourly feeding schedule).

What I've been doing is a sort of bastardised shh pat as the pick up thing doesn't work with mine - it just disturbs him. Once he starts yelling, I've been going in every 5 mins, stroking his back and head for a few minutes until he calms down completely and then walking out again. He usually starts yelling again either immediately or after a few minutes, so I go back in 5 minutes later and repeat until he eventually goes to sleep (like 1.5-2 hours later). I've been doing it for over a week now and last night he only woke twice rather than 3 times and whimpered rather than screamed so I think it's working. It's not quick and it's knackering but if it works, then it'll be worth it. I've given it 10 days before I go back to work again so I'm hoping by then he'll have started sleeping through again!

It's the sort of wimps version of CC - I can't leave him for long, does my head in. Hope that helps. I know how ghastly the screaming baby can be

actually you will probably look back one day and barely remember a thing... our first year is just a foggy haze, but it does all come flooding back when i hear stories like yours... we did the white noise thing, the rocking, the singing (badly), the carrying up and down stairs (resulting in dh developing thighs of steel), the lying next to, the lullaby cd's, the feeding, the not feeding (as well as all the exclusion diets/reflux meds, as you know)... and i am so sure that all that really worked was time. and things really just seemed to get worse and worse until we finally turned the corner at 12ish months... oh and the most difficult one which was just somehow finding a place of acceptance and somehow giving up the fight just a little bit...

I would give up somewhere between 30-60 mins (of going in every 5 mins) as there was no sign of her quieting down. Dd couldn't always be got back to sleep at all by any means - bf, rocking - you name it. I would get into the spare bed with her and she would roll aound snuffling, gurgling and trying to play with me while I tried to pretend to sleep and be very boring. That would generally take 2 hours then she would drift off. For a couple of hours or so. So she would be reasonably happy but I got no sleep and if i tried to put her back in her cot she would start wailing. I was at my wits end with exhaustion.

It wasn't just sleeping that went downhill at 6 mo - after a good start she stopped taking solids and bf round the clock. She was a really huge baby and i developed knockers right out of a seaside postcard.

It really was the lowest time in my parenting experience to date. She started crawling at 5.5 mo and was just really wired around this time.

I didn't like doing CC (also used a wimps version with only 5 min intervals) but I was really desperate and thankfully when it finally worked it was very easy - you could tell straight away that it would not go on and on as usual.

Thanks for all your support. Last night we just went back to doing what we always do, ie a combination of rocking and feeding. She woke at 10, 12, 3 and 6, but went down fairly quickly each time, so that was a pretty good night really. However, I know I will be climbing the wall again when I cant get her back down one night, as happends every so often. Also today, she seems pretty tired, managed a 25 min nap this morning but then went bonkers when I put her in pram for pm nap. This is becoming more and more of a feature so that pram doesnt even work for daytime naps now. I got so frustrated with her that I was really not good at calming her down and she got so distressed. I am really worried about how angry and frustrated it makes me, as I feel am missing out on my 3 year olds life as well as my own and DH. Called an acupuncturist to make an appointment today, so will see if it makes any difference at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry to offload, but feel my friends are probably sick of hearing about this and know many of you have gone through it too!!!! It keeps me just a little bit saner (although not sane enough let me tell you), I want to go back to work and have a normal lunch like everyone else, any chance do you think????

DS is now 8 months & sleep seemed to go to pot at 7 months, very similar, waking in the night and wriggling / fussing wghen being put back down, barely sleeping in the day and only in car seat, not cot. He also started going to bed at 11.30
We did a wimpy version of cc (leaving to cry / rocking / soothing / feeding, depending on what we thought) and it's getting better. He now goes to bed at 8.30ish. Will sllep duiring day, sometimes in cot, quite well in car seat. He sometimes fusses when put baAnyck down in the night but...the best bit is the night wawkings are now the exception!! usually manages to sleep until 6!
Anyway, point is that we didn't do anything drastic but it is improving. Make some small changes, bedtime routine, porrige before bed?? and hopefully things will improve.

Hi, this thread took me back to my daughter's period of difficulty settling, at about 9 months. Unlike you kind souls, I did the hardcore controlled crying, but when I feel guilty about it now (poor little soul!) I remind myself that she had actually started sleeping through initially at 7 weeks, and by 3 months was settling in her cot at 7pm and sleeping till 5am.

So when she started keeping herself awake for several hours at bedtime when she reached 9 months old - I was stunned!! We had several weeks of her jumping about, rocking herself, even raising her legs in the air while lying down with eyes closed obviously exhausted, and then slamming her legs down onto the mattress to keep herself awake! My dh (now xh) was travelling about 50% of the time so I had little support. You see, I knew she could settle if she wanted to! Then she started waking and messing about in the night. So I bought the Richard Ferber book about controlled crying..

It took about 10 days in total and I found it an absolute nightmare. However, at the end of it, she was settling down and sleeping through again, and has slept fantastically ever since. I did extend the intervals of going in (5mn, 10mn, 15 etc) and I kept a note of how many times I went in and how long it took her to drop off. I started to plot it all on a graph (you can see how this took over my life..) and although the first night she screamed on and off for 2 hours, after a week, she was settling in 30mins with only a little bit of crying - this gave me the strength to carry on till she had re-learnt her old skill.

It was lucky I stuck at it, because I was pregnant again before she was 1 and had 2 under 2s to deal with, so her sleeping well was key. I still felt like a git though..

I think CC can work really well for many babies. We used it with DD1 when she started staying awake for 2-3 hours a night at about 8 months and it literally took 1 night and only 45 mins. We used it again when she kept standing in her cot and same thing but she was in really good habits. Problem with DD2 is apart from doing one full night when she was about 3 months, she has been in terrible habits and literally never learned to get herself to sleep. She also seems v.sensitive and clingy, plus she gets constipation and wind so may have discomfort sometimes, hence the 3 hours!!!! However, if she settles a little and seems a bit happier may try a version again, but would certainly not wait the 3 hours as it almost cost me my sanity!!!!!!

There are no quick fixes for sleep problems. Controlled crying might get the baby sleeping through, but at what cost?

I did controlled crying with my son when he was 14 months old. It was my biggest parenting mistake ever. I never should have listened to a health visitor who hardly knew my son.

Its true that my son slept through the night after two nights. However he became very insecure about bed times and it took a long time (ie. years!) for him to become happy about going to bed.

Maybe your six month old will sleep through, but you end up with a three year old who is terrified of the dark and screams blue murder when its bed time.

I suggest you try Elizabeth Pantsey "No Cry Sleep Solution". She has ways of teaching babies sleep associations without the boot camp approach.

www.amazon.co.uk/No-Cry-Sleep-Solution-Through-Pantley/dp/0071381392

It will take several months to improve a baby's sleep pattern, but its more humane.

I have just given ds3 water instead of milk for the first time and am waiting to see what happens ....

Gosh - dd has no insecurity at all about bed time (2.5 now). Don't think you can really generalise like that.

Reallytired, my Lo is over 8 months not 6 months. I also wonder if a Lo gets more insecure about CC the older they get as they are more aware. I guess it does depend a lot on the baby and circumstances of your family. sometimes things are so horrific for a family that they feel CC is the only way. I know that I have often felt at breaking point which I dont thing is good for DD1 or DD2 and dont even get me started on my relationship with DH. However, clearly trying CC this time was too traumatic so I guess we may have to try some other form just now. We are trying acupuncture but we will need to see what happens with that.