3 year old too attached to mum

[Mumdidi]

Hi all. Need some advice regarding my 3 yo dd.

She is so clingy and attached to me, I am starting to find it very exhausting. We are expecting our 2nd child in a few months and I worry how overwhelmed I'll be when there are two to look after. DD doesnt want to go to dad or nanny or any other family member. She goes to nursery (quite happily now, thankfully). But the moment she comes home she asks for mummy and if I'm not in front of her she cries and is in terrible mood afterwards.

I thought if I make myself more available when she is home she'll be calm. But nothing seems to be working. We're at a stage where I have to be present along with the nanny in the afternoons after nursery, and this means putting fewer hours at work (which has consequences).

Any advice will be most appreciated!

How long has she been going to nursery? If it's still fairly recent, it could be she's missing you and needs more time adjusting being away from you.

Hi opus17. She’s been at nursery since she was 18 months and now she is 3yrs.

I think this is very normal 3 year old behaviour. You're working from home, with the nanny minding her? It will be much harder for her knowing you are in the house, if you're needing to work in the afternoon I would seriously consider working elsewhere - then you can be with her fully once you've finished.

Wow I had to check I hadn't written this. My almost 3 year old is identical to this, wants me and not daddy. I'm just thinking it'll get better and like everything else, it's a phase!

I don’t have a 3 year old he’s 20 months but I second what PP said about knowing you’re there.

If he’s with his dad downstairs and knows I’ve taken the baby to bed for sleep/nap, as soon as his dad does something for a second he dashes for the stairs to come and find me. He doesn’t try if I’m not there. Could you work in a cafe? Shared office space?

Stop being so available? Dad or the nanny need to be the only options sometimes.

Yeah get out of the house. My DS is fine if I'm not physically there but is obsessed with me if I'm there.

Who ever is looking after her just needs to crack on with dealing with a grumpy child.

@Shortofspace

I think this is very normal 3 year old behaviour. You're working from home, with the nanny minding her? It will be much harder for her knowing you are in the house, if you're needing to work in the afternoon I would seriously consider working elsewhere - then you can be with her fully once you've finished.

Absolutely agree with this. My experience of children with nannies is that it works much better if the parent/s is/are not physically present while the nanny is on duty!

When I was in labour I still had to put my 3 year old to bed as he knew I was in the house even though I was locked in my bedroom!! So I echo what others have said. It must make the job so difficult for your nanny to have you in the house.

I'm now on maternity and my DH is working from home. In order to reduce the coming and going during the day (which upsets the toddler) he had a kettle, cups, snacks etc in the office.

My toddler also wouldn't go with any other family members even though he was happy at crèche. We just had to persevere starting off with very short trips to my sisters. He'll now happy run out to get car if she comes to take him out for a trip to give me some time with the baby.

I didn’t expect so many responses! :) thank you so much mums. I’m going to try and put some boundaries and perhaps work in a cafe. It breaks my heart hearing her cry so being out of the house might help.