Toddler not listening at nursery

[CBB2021]

Was at handover and 19 month DDs keyworker asked me how well DD listens to me at home. I said most of the time yes, but she of course has her moments.

DD is generally a happy contented child, has good language skills for her age, likes other children, plays independently but is very strong willed and knows what she wants.

I was a bit taken aback as keyworked had said she had been really difficult lately and this was the first I was hearing of it. One major problem we do have is she barely naps at nursery. At home I pop her in her cot and she says bye bye mummy and has a 2 hour sleep. At nursery she didn’t sleep one day this week and was woken up by another child after 20 minutes on another day. Of course the lack of sleep won’t help.

What do you do to get your toddlers to listen?! I get down at eye level, tell her firmly why she can’t do something or if we need to go and do something I say coming on darling hold my hand let’s go and do x. What else can I do?

She's 19 months, she's a baby. What an odd thing to ask.

What do they mean not listening? On a one to one activity they are ignoring staff or being made sit for story time for 20min and they reasonable wait to get up and carry on with something else. 19m is very young to follow instructions and understand consequences so things like don’t run inside will not be taking in never mind “listened to”.

Thanks for your replies. From what I understood it was that she wasn’t following instructions. We’ve got baby no 2 on the way and so she said she wonders if that was effecting her but tbh she’s too young to understand as baby is still not due for a few months.

She does look much older for her age as she is tall and her speech is good, so I do sometimes wonder if they forget how little she actually is.

I think this is a pretty normal phase and she's very young anyway! When DD had just turned 2, there was a note in her book just saying she had to be reminded to listen sometimes She apparently has no problem with it now, so I wouldn't worry. She's not even 2 yet - I think not listening is par for the course!

My son is 2 next month, he listens but decides whether to comply. At the moment I ask things as though it's his choice.

I think you need more context from them on what she isn't complying with, is it stop doing that you'll fall or let's do another activity. Little ones crave independence.

Is this a recent change? Has she had a lot of colds? We had some difficulties with my toddler recently and I think she genuinely couldn’t hear well and had some sort of glue ear going on. Luckily it has shifted now she’s not permanently snotty!

I've joked about it with my DS' key worker before but I don't think it's unusual for a toddler to not listen - or decide not to listen! - is it? Nursery have certainly ever raised it as a problem!

I think the nursery are being silly, sounds like your doing everything right and that they’re treating her as if she was older!

I would more worried about the nursery workers knowledge of child development tbh!

Are they for real? Toddlers that age don’t really listen to anyone! My DD went to a nursery where they got increasingly critical of normal behaviours so in the end I sent her to a different nursery where she is thriving and they see the positives rather than the negatives.

As a childminder I would question the nurseries expectations. At 19 months I wouldn't expect her to consistently listen to and follow instructions, I would give the instruction and gently guide and show what I'd like done and build it up.

The lack of naps would concern me as that is not them meeting her needs appropriately.

@Confusedandworried321

She's 19 months, she's a baby. What an odd thing to ask.

I agree, very young to be in a nursery with all its rules too. If she is OK when she is at home with you, don't worry. The nursery nurse was being dumb.

It's a normal developmental phase, and as they enter toddlerhood toddlers start learning to follow instructions.
I'd want clarity from the nursery on what they mean by being 'difficult' and also clarity on what they mean by not listening. A child engrossed in an activity and isn't paying attention or a child who doesn't understand what is being asked of them, or a child who is being given a developmentally inappropriate instruction are different situations to a child who has shown they've listened and is choosing not to do it. Most of us have been there with the understanding and choosing not to do it by the way . It's a developmentally normal thing to to through, but would require a different response to the other situations.

It's also quite common for children to nap less at nursery. It's a totally different environment with lots going on. Mine have never napped as well at nursery as they did at home.

For trained child care providers, your nursery’s expectations of a 19 month old sound wild

True! Does the trick!

This is completely normal. My son is also 19 months and for the most part, he's lovely to be around. But as soon as I tell him no or to stop, he just grins at me and does it anyway.
I also do eye level and tell him no but he doesn't give a toss. They're still tiny.

I think its normal too- also being tired makes it worse.

A 19mo "doesn't listen"!?!

Stop the press! 🤣

Guys, I’ve had the exact seem scenario today and a couple of times before now. My son is nearly 17 months old and I’m being told he’s being cheeky and doesn’t listen and tends to smile cheekily when he’s been asked to do something. This has been causing me such major anxiety, I even brought it up with a manager at the nursery who said he’s a pleasure to have so this confuses me even more. He’s absolutely not perfect but he’s a baby and he’s such a loving little boy, all he wants to do is be friends with any child he meets and give kisses and cuddles. So to hear him referred to as a child that doesn’t listen, it hurts and makes me worry unnecessarily. This is also an establishment he has been bitten in TWICE within in the space of 3 months- no one’s fault but come on. Anyway so glad to see I’m not the only one experiencing this.