Dread having the 2 DC solo

[Merlott]

They are 2 and 5.

I can hear them downstairs screaming and running around. It's half term so I have to entertain them both all day by myself.

I'm almost crying I'm dreading this so much.

They bicker and fight and demand my attention and then suddenly they will both play nicely for 20 minutes just out of nowhere.

I feel so stressed all the time just waiting for one of them to kick off or run away or scream at me.

I can just about take them to somewhere indoors like a soft play so they can't run off. But I can't take them soft play every single day.

I'm just rambling now. I'm so exhausted and feel trapped and depressed nearly all the time. I'm worried about my own mental and physical health. I'm failing them so badly. It's all too much.

What can I do? When does this age gap get easier?

Have you spoken to anyone about feeling depressed?
I’m not sure when it gets easier as I’m at the same point as you but I know that when I’ve been feeling overwhelmed it’s helped to plan the days with activities so something like play dough in the morning then a walk, bit of tv time after lunch while my 2 year old naps and then go out in the afternoon or have something in mind to do, at times a bubble bath has been my morning activity with them.
They still end up kicking off or arguing at times but it helps me feel more in control this way

I agree with the pp that you might feel more in control if you plan your day out so you know what is going to be happening. Get outside for part of the day no matter what the weather is like. They can be hard work at that age but also so much fun. Try and join in with the fun if you can.

How about the playground rather than soft play? I know you said they can't run off at soft play but is there a playground near you which is enclosed?

Are you alone or just during the day?

I'm a single mum too so I totally get how hard it is although my younger two are a bit younger so maybe easier - they're 1 and 3. I agree that planning the day makes things easier, if we just mill about the house it's chaos. So for example yesterday:
6.30 - get up, breakfast and cartoons, I get ready
7.30 - washed, dressed, play in the playroom (I usually have an activity set up for dd3 eg dolls set up having a tea party, then I half play with her half keep dd1 from wrecking it)
9.30 - go for a walk/playground/beach. Really good waterproofs for the kids and takeaway coffee for me
11 - home, get dd1 down for nap while dd3 does an activity - yesterday I had puzzle pieces wrapped in foil and by the time she'd unwrapped them and completed the puzzle I was back out of the nursery and ready to spend some 1 on 1 time with her
12.30 - lunch, I legged it round cleaning up a bit and setting stuff up
1.30 - crafty stuff (supposed to be doing heart stamping but dd3 mostly painted her arms and dd1 ate paper)
2.30 - afternoon bath
3.00 - nap for dd1 (this time I just gave dd3 the tablet) then when she was asleep stories and snack with dd3
4.00 - made them a living room assault course so I could make tea (threw all couch cushions on the floor, tunnel out of chairs and kept shouting challenges in from the kitchen
5.00 - tea
6.00 - bath, stories, the dreaded bedtime juggle

It's relentless but it's fun as well when they're not fighting. When they do fight or whinge I either take them outside or put them in water, usually works. Today we're going to soft play for a break haha. Good luck!

So the last time I took them outdoors (we live 2 mins walk from a lovely huge nature reserve) the 2 year old got in the brook and refused to come out. I walked up the brook with her for 300 yards before she sat down and flooded her wellies and sleeves. I have to pick her up kicking and screaming. Meanwhile the 5 year old has been jumping in molehills which is perfectly good as an activity but has jumped in dog shit, fallen and smeared dog shit all over the front of his coat. So now I'm trying to make sure he doesn't rub it off with his bare hands while also carrying a screaming maelstrom of a squirming wet 2 year old. Once we get in the house I have to get the wet stuff off both of them and get them warm and dry, meanwhile keeping the dog shit laden coat out on the doorstep until I can work out how to get the worst of the dog shit off and get it into the washer safely. Then have to cobble a lunch together, with them both running in and out complaining about taking toys or hitting etc.

I look around and other people's children don't seem as .. energetic? feral? .. as mine. I see 2 year olds holding hands nicely walking along the trails, neither of mine have ever done that.

I agree going outside is a really good thing for my mental health, and fun for the kids and burning off their energy etc. I just wish there was like a taxi service that could bring us all home again to save the torturous walk back. I've nearly had a panic attack before now when it seems absolutely impossible to get them both back into the house safely. The 2 min walk is a busy main road and I hate the stress of it.

The rain has just stopped so I will get them kitted up and out anyway.

Yes I have DH and he does take one of them out at weekends which does help.

I also work and that is the best time, peace and quiet, clean clothes and feeling productive, no shouting or hitting. Maybe this would be easier if I didn't work, I would spend more time with DC and have learned better how to handle them.

Mine are about the same age and it really depends on the child. When my eldest was the same age as my youngest he was totally hell-bent on getting himself killed, it was really stressful. Youngest has been much more chilled out so far. Unfortunately this seems to be the pattern - all kids are their own people so it's ok to set standards according to the kids you actually have and sod anyone who judges.

For me, that means soft play regularly and go with a friend, letting them watch TV when I need a break, and absolutely no swimming or bodies of water with both of them and just me, ever. They tend to be better when they're with friends too, especially if you can find some well behaved calm ones!

I also never walk mine on main roads if I can avoid it, it is so stressful. Nothing wrong with hopping in the car for a couple of minutes to save that stress, or getting a bike trailer if you prefer.

It definitely gets easier! Mine are 6 and 7 and get along great now. Before they would fight 90% of every day and now its turned and they are happily playing together 90% of the time! I love it! They are either in school or entertaining themselves.

I sympathise OP. I have a two year age gap. I found when DS1 was 4 and DS2 was well 2 really hard.

I do think you need to change your expectations a bit. A two year old is not going to hold hands and walk nicely.

Does it matter if the two year old gets soaked? I wouldn't have brought my kids home for that. The dog poo is different, but with something like that I would have had a spare or waterproofs in the car for him to change into.

Does the two year old not go in a buggy? There's not a farts chance in hell I would have walked on a busy main road with my two unleashed.

I definitely think having a plan and being organised is a big thing when they're younger. Plan where you're going the day before. Have a bag packed and ready. Have a time you want to leave and stay until. Have something at home you can make quickly for lunch. It doesn't matter if everyone is sitting in their vest and pants and sitting in front of the telly to eat their lunch off plastic plates on the living room floor while you clean dog poo off a coat. Yes, I did similar many times.

It will get easier soon! Mine are 6 and 3 so I am only one year ahead, and the difference is huge. I am having a lovely half term with them. I will admit I saved up and have thrown money at it a bit- we have been to adventure golf and the cinema (first trip to the cinema!), as well as free stuff like the library and park.

When the 2 year old can walk a bit further and stay out a bit longer it opens up lots of things to do. Always leave a bit sooner than you might want to, if you push it too far it leads to over tired melt downs! I would say go out early then spend the afternoon chilling at home with tv/ games/ toys.

Take a bribe with you for those 'refusing to get out of the brook' moments! Run them a bath and let them splash in it while you sit at the side with a cup of tea. Good luck!xx

That sounds so hard! I found 2 a very hard age, harder than 1 and 3. They are very wild and neither of mine walked nicely at 2. I would always have a sling or a buggy, walking home with 2 of them would be horrendous

If you don't take them out that often then they will be over excited and you will be a bit anxious.

If you take them out everyday it just becomes routine, they will settle down and you will relax. Wet 2 year old, dirty 5year old is not a massive issue nor that rare, it sounds like you make a massive deal of it as you are panicking.

Why does your husband only take one of them out at the weekend ? He needs to take both of them.

Do you know anyone with children/a child the same age range? I always find playdates are my sanity saver. Kids can't escape, house is pretty much babyproofed, you don't have to pay to get in (just tidy up and offer tea/coffee/snacks when it's your turn) and you get some adult company.

Firstly, you're not failing, having young kids can be unbearably awful (I didn't fully understand this until mine got a bit older and quite suddenly they just weren't so awful!)

Don't take it personally when they cry, bicker, wail etc- that's not their way of telling you you're crap, that's just what kids are like. I'm a big fan of just leaving them to it when they're like that (nothing I say/do seems to help much, and it's really counterproductive when I also get frustrated and shouty)

I feel the same about school holidays op, especially wet and windy ones where getting outside isn't really that much fun for anyone anyway. DC are 13, 7 and 4... So hopefully I am coming out of the worst of it now but I totally empathise.

Get a friend over for the 5 yr old. It is so much easier to look after 2 DC's that are playing. We used to do this . Other parents were always surprised, in a "are you sure you can cope" kind of way. But they were always the best days.

It tough going, I pretty much lived in softplay at that age. We had a monthly membership so it didn't cost much extra. Life saver. I used to dread long days home alone with them.

Forget the nature reserve and find an enclosed playground with a fence and a gate! Don't stay too long, take snacks (bribes) for the walk home.

Prep lunch and put it in the fridge before you go so it's quick and easy when you get back.

Don't feel guilty about screen time.

Baths were a good rainy day activity at that age too.

They are now 11 and 7 and it's still not easy but it's different and I do get much more down time when they're home.