Beyond burnt out

[bexxboo]

Having a very very extremely low episode this week, all I seem do be able to is sleep. Daily tasks are exhausting me. DD is 4 and is always with me except a couple of days at nursery, it's half term next week and I'm dreading it. She always wants me to play games with her like 'shops' etc but I just want to stick pins in my eyes.

I feel like I'm mentally not coping. We were doing a puzzle today and I just got up went into the next room and completely broke down. I'm due to change my anti depressants in a couple of days due to these episodes. I was brilliant for 2 whole weeks and there was a massive crash.

I ask for her to stay at her nans for the night but MIL always has excuses to not have her overnight! Her dad is only back every 2-3 weeks and she will stay at his for a night but that's about it.

Rant over but please tell me I'm not going insane.

That sounds incredibly tough. Does she have any little friends from nursery/neighbourhood who you could arrange playdates with?

I understand, the playing is unbearable for me too. As soon as I hear "will you play with me" something comes over me like I can't describe.

I find it so easy to take them out. But being at home role playing, just no.

Can you get out and about with her?

Just to say I completely understand how difficult it can be when you have something going on that means you need to give some time to your own feelings but can’t because you have to be with DC constantly. It is very difficult and exhausting. I hope the med change helps.
Is there anything you enjoy more with your dd or which allows you to have more of a break, so you can structure your day so you spend some time doing what she wants, then something you both enjoy, then something thats a break for you so you can get a bit of mental time out like tv/ indoor picnic/ daytime bath/ play at MILS house or something? Can you arrange to meet up with other parents?
Hope you can look after yourself until you see if the new meds work

Yes I do get out and about but this week I just haven't been able to, so glad you guys understand.

PND depression kicked in 2 weeks after she was born, honestly I don't think I've ever really recovered. Due to an abusive relationship and having to live on our own when she was just 5 months proved tough.

I think there's a mix of complex PTSD and PND, depression (runs in the family) and anxiety.

I think being beaten down emotionally for 5 years while having to parent essentially alone has knocked the life out of me.

I would assume (because mine are 2 and 5) , that you are through the hardest part. The part where they just need you constantly.

I must say that most of my friends who have children under 3 are really really fed up, irritated, at breaking point. And that's minus the depression. So you are probably doing a pretty good job all things considered.

When you think there's been a 2 year pandemic dumped on top of us as well. It's not a great start to an already tough situation.

I hope you are feeling a bit better today