2.5 year old hates everything

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My toddler is a handful. He hates everything. Today he was taken to get his haircut and the tantrums were so much they gave up half way through (he looks ridiculous!). He doesn't want his hair washed either. He just likes to shout 'don't like it' a lot. He also refuses most foods and recently has taken to hitting me and DH.

He doesn't do any of this at nursery. he eats everything, never hits etc.

I took him to A&E for unrelated thing months ago and they did an ECG on him and he reacted so badly they couldn't do it and one of the nurses said 'ah he's autistic?' when she saw his reaction. I said 'no' and she said 'oh it's just because he doesn't seem to understand'. I said 'he only 2 and a half' and she shrugged. But the conversation has stayed with me

Also - his language is really a worry. He tries to talk but his pronunciation just isn't get better. So 'can i have a snack please' is 'nack peas' and if he repeats what I'm saying (from a book or something) he really struggles - he closes his eyes and really tries but he really struggles to imitate the sounds

I'm struggling to get through to a health visitor. I saw a speech and language therapist privately but they are now trying to make me pay £60 a session and sign up for 10 and I can't really afford that but maybe I should just find the money

Any advice or thoughts? He's so loving and sweet and loves music and dancing and is my gorgeous little boy. But when he gets upset it's like nothing else. I just want to help him.

Mine was the same with food and haircuts - he was diagnosed with ASD at secondary age. You little one is very young though so it's very hard to know if it's just his age or not. Are nursery concerned about his speech? I wonder if they could help at all.

My son was like that with haircuts. I wish nurseries would have a hairdresser come in to cut their hair - I'm sure the kids would be OK with it! My son used to slide down onto the floor while the poor hairdresser was cutting it. She'd end up on the floor with him. I think at that age they get the hair style they deserve!

Mine is 26 months and he sounds very similar. His speech is barely understandable as well but I'm not concerned at all. He had a meltdown at the kids hairdressers with the cars and toys, so I cut his hair myself. Oh the other hand my older one who is 6 now, loved haircuts and always cooperated but he's being assessed for autism. He spoke really late and is still delayed.

If he can understand what you're saying I'm sure the speech will improve with time. But if you're still concerned maybe give your HV a call?

Very very difficult to know at that age if there is an issue or not. I had similar sensory issues with my son with absolute refusal to do things and co operate and he was diagnosed with asd when he just turned five. However he was also difficult when he started pre school at three and never co operated there for them so a different situation to yourself. One thing I remember noticing is that if I tried to reason with him when he was upset or about to kick off I just couldn't get through to him. His sister was different at that age (and so is his younger sister) it's hard to describe it's like he has just zoned out and he doesn't even know why he is refusing to do the thing you want him to do. I'm probably not explaining myself well but that to me was the sign something was wrong

You've literally described my 21 month old DS. I have googled extensively (bad idea I know!) and autism keeps coming up.

I've spoken to my Health Visitor but she's putting it down to a case of the "terrible 2s"... I'm not convinced so I'm keeping a close eye on how he develops over the next few months just in case he does need some extra help.

Has he had a hearing test? Struggling to repeat things might be a hearing issue, especially if he understands that he’s supposed to repeat and is trying. Does he have many colds, earaches?