Gentle transition to bedside cot

[Orangepen13]

Hoping for some advice on gentle transitions!

Have been cosleeping to get an ounce of sleep in the early days, but have recently been finding this very tough, uncomfortable and I just want to be back under a duvet.

LO is 14wo and we have been sleeping with a bit of distance in the last few weeks. Last week we started to putting her in her next to me cot after her first feed of the night. Seemed to be going well with no crying, but sometimes lots of fidgeting and head rolling from side to side.

Last night tried to put her in her next to me from the off and this lead to lots of tears. Picked her up each time and have cuddles, strokes and shushes until she calmed down and fell asleep before putting her back down again. (Pick up and put down method, maybe?) I’d then cuddle in with her, arm around and head close, rolling away once she fully sleeps. This took a fair few goes last night!

My question is, is this a gentle approach, or can this still do emotional harm because she’s becoming upset? Should I persist putting her back down in her cot or shall I give in and put her back in our bed when she cries?

The subtext to your question is that non-gentle methods eg sleep training cause emotional harm, which I disgree with.

You will not cause your daughter emotional harm by putting her in a cot. She might cry - you're there to comfort her. She won't be harmed by anything less than serene zero-crying night times. Humans are resilient creatures. She cries when she's pissed off, it's different to distress.

Personally, I used to feed lying down in bed together, then wait as long as I could bear until I was sure the baby was in deeper sleep and less likely to wake, then wodge my hands under and move the baby over like putting a pizza in an oven - barely lifting up at all. Then keep your hands by the baby or a hand on the tummy for a while to give them some subconscious security and stop them from startling.

Eventually I did sleep training with both of mine though, no signs of terrible emotional trauma so far.

This is definitely a nice gentle approach, OP, and will absolutely not do any harm. You are responding to your baby as soon as she gets upset, thus meeting her needs and understanding her communicating them to you. You sound like you're doing a great job of starting to get her used to the cot. I have always nursed (or soothed in other ways) my babies to sleep before transferring them to the cot, also after initially co-sleeping for the first few weeks. The only time I cosleep these days with my current baby (12 months) is when he is poorly. But I still feed/cuddle him to sleep if he wakes in the night.

@GrendelsGrandma, your description of moving your baby into a pizza oven really made me smile. This is exactly how I feel. I won't be able to unsee this image now, in the middle of the night.

😂 I’ll be sure to treat her like a pizza, sounds like a great idea… maybe a middle ground is falling asleep next to us and then transitioning over.

I didn’t know if it’s advised for little ones to be aware they’re falling asleep in the cot (rather than going already asleep)? Do you think this is a later stage?

@Orangepen13

😂 I’ll be sure to treat her like a pizza, sounds like a great idea… maybe a middle ground is falling asleep next to us and then transitioning over.

I didn’t know if it’s advised for little ones to be aware they’re falling asleep in the cot (rather than going already asleep)? Do you think this is a later stage?

@orangepen13 'advised' covers quite a lot of ground with babies, everyone has a bit of advice and often it's conflicting!

At some point she'll need to learn to go to sleep without feeding. Whether you do it now or when she three years old or so is up to you!

We tried many times to get DC to sleep on the cot, went crazy trying to find the 'awake but drowsy' state and everything led to screaming. But all babies are different. Some people find they just leave the baby to cry a minute or two in the cot and they drop off. Never worked for us!

Eventually we did sleep training at 13mo for dc1 and 9mo for dc2. I think it was important that they were in a different room, if I was in the room there was no way that the baby would go to sleep in a cot when they knew warm boobs were nearby!

If you want to try it now, you could feed then put the baby in the cot and try patting and shushing but not picking up. Maybe your baby will go for it, mine didn't!

If you do end up sleep training, don't feel guilty. You have to weigh up your ability to have enough sleep to function as well as everything else!