Struggling with extreme clinginess in 18mo

[Alitlebitsleepy]

My dd was always a real velcro baby. I held her in a sling for much of the first year of her life. Since starting to walk at 13 months she's been far happier and able to play with us without needing to be held. However, recently she's been extremely clingy to the point where she won't let me put her down for the majority of the day. If I try putting her down, she lifts her legs up and grips on to me tightly and says 'no'. I find that if I have a fun dance with her and get her in a better mood, I can eventually put her down to play. However, the minute something upsets her, she'll be back to wanting to be held (always with my standing up). She was loving going for little walks to the park down the road and now she'll want me to carry her the whole way. She used to love swimming (which we do weekly) and now she clings to me like a koala bear. The instructor and others in the lesson comment on it all the time. I can't physically prise her away from me in these situations. She also will no longer sit in the pram or in our backpack carrier. We used to enjoy walks but we can't really do this anymore as I can't hold her for so long. The only times she'll happily be put down is if we go somewhere like soft play or a play cafe. I end up doing a lot of these types of activities now. This obviously isn't sustainable. I have tried just putting her down and allowing her to be upset. This results in me having to lie her down as she won't put her legs down to stand or sit as a way of avoiding me putting her down. She'll have a massive meltdown and I will sit with her, cuddle her and say things like 'you're feeling really sad/cross' or 'you're having a tough time', 'mummy won't carry you and you're feeling very sad about it' etc. I persist with this hoping the storm will pass but it doesn't!! She gets herself so worked up that she starts gagging and becomes very distressed. I'm also breastfeeding her (would like to cut down/stop but that's another story) and this has become her ultimate source of comfort. When she's having a meltdown because I've put her down, she'll put her hands down my top and want feeding. If feed her, she'll calm down and then carry on playing without needing to be held. However, I'm wanting to cut down feeds so I don't want to keep doing this.

I'm at a bit of a loss as to what I can do. Do I just give in and accept she needs me to hold her lots at the moment or do I persist with putting down boundaries even if she gets very distressed? She's also not like this with my parents who look after her 2 afternoons a week when I'm at work. When my dh is home, she'll want me to hold her.

Any ideas?

This sounds hard and tiring so I understand! My little one is starting to be a bit like this and she is 16 months. I read a bit about this stage and it seems they hit a stage of separation anxiety around this age. That could be what it is if she isn’t like this with anyone else? You are number 1, her safe place and her favourite place! She just doesn’t want to be apart from you but it will pass. I always find that when my little one is going through a stage, I forget that they all pass and it is just a phase. I hope this helps

I don’t think there is a right answer to this. You have my sympathy though because the constant demand to be held can be really suffocating and hard on the arms. My DS definitely had a really clingy phase a few months after walking (probably about 17 or 18 months actually), although he generally would chose to be carried over anything if it’s an option. Only intermittently tolerates the toddler sling.

I don’t think you can spoil them at 18 months so if you hold her when she needs it you won’t ‘pay for it down the line’ or anything like that. Equally though you matter, so if you need a break from always being needed, then put her down and don’t feel bad about it. Be consistent with any boundaries you do set around being held and feeding. It’ll be tough but you won’t harm her. It will pass one day (I hope!) x

I really sympathise OP. I have a very clingy 15-month old, who cries if I leave the room (very awkward in cafes if I want to go to the loo and leave her with my partner). It's really exhausting! I find when she's tired, teething or ill the clinginess becomes much worse. When she won't be put down I sometimes find putting her in her high chair with some snacks or a toy helps, so she can kind of be at my level but I have my hands free. I hope it does get better soon!