Struggling to feel like we have a connection

[Freddie15VES]

My 10 month old doesn’t seem to ever want to be near me. If he’s in pain from teething or poorly he doesn’t want me. He never lets me cuddle him, he just doesn’t ever want to be on me. My friends babies ask to be picked up, they climb onto their mamas knees. I just don’t have that connection with my little boy and I feel so bad about it 😔

He’s just had a tantrum at the table after I cooked him a meal which he usually loves. He wouldn’t eat it and instead he just threw it onto the floor and I just want to cry. I feel like I’m just some woman that looks after him, I don’t feel like a mum. I get nothing back from him

I didn’t want to read this and not say I’m sorry you are feeling like this

Have your little one always been like this or is this a more recent thing?

My DD was like this, made me feel absolutely awful.

She is 21 months now and the most loving child, gives me so many cuddles and kisses.

I know it’s hard when you feel you never get anything back but it will come, I promise

They come round eventually. Just keep on showing him lots of love and affection, model the behaviour you want.
Keep on playing with him and enjoying his company, you’ll build that relationship.

Yup mine was like this for ages! She really hated being physically comforted, it got to the point where I just checked for blood or bruising if she fell over and then sat next to her and talked to her quietly to say its ok and I’m here and if she wants a cuddle she can have one. Just keep throwing love at him even if you feel like you aren’t getting much back.

She’s now just over 2 and has actually voluntarily given me a few hugs in the last month. Also comes running for any any bump and hangs onto my leg until I pick her up.

She also still throws food on the floor - don’t take that personally, they all do it (still stings when I cooked her a nice dinner and she wants toast instead).

Is he very focussed on mobility at the moment? Some babies just don't stop! I can't get my boys to sit on my lap for more than 10 seconds and they're 15 months now. Id love to snuggle up with them with a picture book, but it's just not happening right now.

I tell myself the important thing is that cuddles are ready for them when they DO want them, and that you don't just fall into the habit of not offering. But I get that its hard when it feels like they don't need you. At that age, they don't feel the need to express their love, they have total confidence that you are there for them. It doesnt mean they don't love you and rely on you.

DC2 was a not cuddly baby - he's very independent and likes to do everything himself. I think about 2.5 he suddenly turned into a cuddle monster and now it's hard to escape him. Even on the sofa he likes to hold my hand

DC2 is a proper soppy baby, loves a cuddly and gives disgusting mouth open kisses. He'll probably turn the other way as an older toddler and barely look at me 😆

@Sausagesausagesausage

DC2 was a not cuddly baby - he's very independent and likes to do everything himself. I think about 2.5 he suddenly turned into a cuddle monster and now it's hard to escape him. Even on the sofa he likes to hold my hand

DC2 is a proper soppy baby, loves a cuddly and gives disgusting mouth open kisses. He'll probably turn the other way as an older toddler and barely look at me 😆

DC1 was not cuddly that should say!

My lb was like this. Sorry you feel that way. By 2 and a half he was all over me and is such a mummy's boy now at 7, super affectionate.

He just didn't seem to know what he was 'supposed' to be doing as a baby and young toddler. It is hard but it does get easier, hang in there. It's a hard age anyway to be fair.

Thanks everyone. Feeling slightly better today. We went to a baby sensory class and when the lights went out he actually turned and put his hand on my leg 🥺

He is always on the move, he’s rarely ever still and he’s very independent. Won’t let me feed him etc wants to do everything himself which is good I guess. I just wish he was more loving but hoping everything that you’ve all said is true and it’ll happen eventually! He’s just a boisterous curious boy!