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having a 5 year old in pull-ups is infantilising and lazy

11 replies

hatwoman · 01/01/2008 21:00

...so we were told by some of the posters on this thread. We were also told that there was only one way of getting children dry at night and that it involved "training" them - a process that meant repeated bed-wetting and middle of the night changes over several days or even weeks in order to "teach" them. It was, as long as we put the effort in, simple.

We were also told that waiting - for a dry pull up or other signs - would not produce any results.

Buried in that thread I make the point that the above training approach was more "infantilising" than waiting until children are ready to take control for themselves. I also feel that there is something pretty unpleasant about placing expectations on a child when they are clearly not ready to fulfill them.

There are also, in that thread, plenty of experiences that showed, categorically, that those who tried to "tell" us all the above, in black and white terms, spouted claptrap.

Rarely have I been so annoyed and felt so patronised by an mn thread. Rarely have I been presented with an opportunity to come back feeling so utterly vindicated. Two weeks ago dd2 (5) - she who left without pull-ups would soak the bed without waking up - said "I don't want to wear pull-ups". So we took them off. We have not had one single "accident" since.

Unlike some of those on the original thread I am not so foolish or arrogant as to think that just because this worked for us and dd it is the way forward for everyone. To my mind, children are individuals, who rarely fit prescriptions. However I am delighted - both because we got to being dry at night with total ease and zero stress - and because I can say yah boo sucks to those on that thread who got my back up...

OP posts:
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23balloons · 01/01/2008 21:11

ds2 is 5 and I purposely kept him in pullups as night so I didn't have to wash sheets every day. Recently he had so many dry nights I had to let him wear underpants and he has been absolutely fine.

Ds1 who is 7 and has been dry since age 4.5 has recently started wetting the bed a lot so I have put the pull ups on him and told him he can go back to underpants after 7 dry nights. It seems to be helping him make the effort to get up for the toilet rather than lazily wet the bed!

If some parents are happy to change endless wet beds then that is their choice but not mine.

Glad it all worked out for you - BTW haven't read through the other thread.

luckylady74 · 01/01/2008 21:22

congrats - i just read that thread and i can't believe the twaddle on it! i wasn't dry at night untill i was 7 - i wasn't in pull ups, i was lifted, drinks were banned at 6 pm and i did help change the sheets - i'm just a very heavy sleeper - i don't hear my kids in the night sometimes - my parents knew i wasn't a freak because it runs in our family.
my ds1 is 5 and has a sodden nappy every morning - my ds2 is 2(nearly 3) and has just, after a succession of dry in the morning nappies, had his first 3 nights with no nappies and no wet bed - i treat them no differently and believe they're both normal! i'm so pleased i trust my instincts and experience on this and felt very sorry for some of the worried mums on that thread.

lulumama · 01/01/2008 21:24

I recently started to toilet train DD, at the age of 2, she is now 2.5 and has done 2 wees on the toilet and many, many more on the floor. i have therefore left it with her, and when she is able to tell me and communicate her toilet needs more effectively, then we will try again. in the meantime, whenever she is undressed she goes to sit on the loo, and quite often asks to sit on it.

DS was toilet trained at 3, and was dry day and night within a week, so he was obviously ready

you can;t train someone who is not ready, can you? jsut makes more work and heartache

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

TheGoatofBitterness · 01/01/2008 21:24

haven't read other thread but i totally agree that 'training' at night is a pointless exercise in sleep deprivation. glad it worked out for you.

minorityrules · 01/01/2008 21:30

Some of us were just passing on information from eneurisis clinics and nurses and what worked and what didn't and what helped

It wasn't all claptrap and I doubt anyone was trying to patronise.

moljam · 01/01/2008 21:30

hatwoman-well done to your dd!other thread wasnt very nice,you did it in a way that suited you and your dd and it worked!

lulumama ,were in same situation as you with ds2

Dragonhart · 01/01/2008 22:12

This thread has made me feel alot better about DS nearly 2.5 and still not dry at night. Afew friends have made me feel a bit like I have missed the boat not training him at the same time as the day. I had a lot of stress training him in the day and he still sometimes has accidents. I just dont think I could face stressing myself about the night too.

Thank you x

hatwoman · 01/01/2008 23:17

minorityrule - I know some were passing on information and their experiences and I was careful in how I worded this thread - but, no doubt about it, some were patronising, as well as incredibly dogmatic - stating stuff as facts (eg how all kids can be trained in that way). plenty of reasonable people and comments on that thread , but a fair bit of unreasonable stuff too.

OP posts:
Niecie · 01/01/2008 23:27

I never trained DS1 either. He never had a dry nappy in the morning but one day we forgot to put one one him before bed and he woke up dry. We were amazed and tried again the next night and he has never once wet the bed. They do it when they are ready imo.

Don't know what to do about DS2 though. He is 4.4 yrs and dry about 50% of the time. He has just started reliably to stay in his own bed at night and not try climbing into ours in the middle of the night so I am not keen to start him on the road to waking again because he has wet the bed. I suppose I shall leave it a bit longer and see what happens.

Congratulations Hatwoman. The end of the nappy era for your DD!

DontDreamItBeIt · 01/01/2008 23:40

I haven't read the oher thread, bu I was forced to "train" dd1 at night when I tried pullups on her at 5 and she reaced so badly to the elastic in them that we couldn' put anything on her.
It took a couple of weeks of more than once a night wet beds, before she stopped wetting and I wouldn't do it through choice.It was unpleasant for her, me and her younger sister who was woken when I had to change beds in the night.

DD2 still wets about once a monh at 7 but as both dp and I have family history of night wetting older than his I don't worry and nor does she.

melpomene · 01/01/2008 23:57

Agree with OP. There was a lot of rubbish on the previous thread.

I took my dd1 out of night-time nappies at about 3yo, because she was often waking with dry nappies, but then she went back to wetting again. We had 1 1/2 years of wet beds (not every night but at least half the time), despite trying training advice. It wasn't so bad when she was in a toddler bed, with a small duvet that fitted in our washing machine, but when she switched to a full-size cabin bed something had to give, so we put her into pull ups. It's so much easier.

OTOH, dd2 (2 years younger) is dry most nights now. We have had some slightly awkward moments when dd2 sees dd1 putting on her pull ups, and dd2 wants to wear them too!

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