Picky eater cliche!

[WJM2020]

hi all!
I have a 17 month old DS. Nursery three times a week and they cook him his meals (I get a break down of everything he eats whilst there) and he eats EVERYTHING!!!!
Amazing always stuffs his face at nursery, loves it, brilliant!
At home........ well... what can I say.
He won't eat veg, potatoes (made in any way shape or form), meat (literally nothing).
The only things he eats are ravioli from a tin, marmite sandwiches, crisps and pasta in a tomato sauce.

Why does he eat everything at nursery and nothing at home!
I even cook the same meals as they do at home and he still won't eat it! It just gets thrown on floor!

I don't force food on him. If he tries it and doesn't eat it, I'll leave it a couple of weeks and then try it again. This means giving him something he knows he will like, as an alternative, so he's learning that if he doesn't want to eat something he will get something he does as I don't want him to starve!

Anyone else have this problem with their child? How did you overcome it as I'm struggling and need some help!

What food do you eat? Can he sit at the table while you are eating and have whatever you are having in front of him?

They eat in the nursery because everyone else is eating too, it's this pack effect.

I'd be tempted not to cook extra for him, give him what you are eating.

He doesn't eat with me and my hubby because of the shifts he works. DH has either eaten before DS or he simply isn't here and is at work.
I eat after DS has gone to bed so we make him his dinner and then sit with him whilst he eats it.
He eats at 4.30pm so Monday to Friday neither me or DH are around. He's either with my mom or at nursery.
It's really hard. I'm starting to feel like a really shit mom that can't even feed her child properly.
I think working mom guilt is setting in as 5 days out of 7 I'm not around for dinner time 😔😔

OP I just started a thread on this except my daughter doesn't even eat at nursery. If I'm lucky she will have toast and a banana there :)

At home she won't touch food - on the rare occasion she might finish a meal and then I'm surprised.

If I offer her something like toast, porridge or fruit she will 9/10 eat it though and I'm worried that she's becoming fussy too.

Others have said that it may be that she is filling up on milk overnight so in the day isn't hungry but it still makes you feel crap

My son is only 14 months old but I do find eating with him helps. When he is part of our meal times and we all sit chatting and eating he will just crack on and eat too and will be more adventurous that way- also often reaching out for my food so we share (I anticipate this when doing portion sizes etc)
I appreciate it's harder for you but could you maybe have a snack while you sit with him and he eats so it feels more natural?

At nursery there is no other option, they know there is no cupboard of food they want. Take it or leave it. Plus all the others are eating too. If he is regularly eating veg there then he is getting the nutrition. You should still put on his plate, but don't worry about it going in. He may also be too tired for dinner. Mine often had toast/wheetabix/porridge for dinner at that age.

@WJM2020 you are not any of that. You are a great mum, that cares and does all that she can. I really mean it, it's not just words - look we live in such a small flat we do not have a table and chairs, we do not have space so we cannot physically eat together. So I stand next to my kids when they eat and I nibble on something. Plus I am super fussy and only eat 2-3 things whilst trying to convince my kids that there is nothing more delicious than some veg and avocado and sweet potato with whatever else that is healthy, while living on toast with jam and milk myself.

The point is this - if he eats in the nursery give yourself a break at home. My DS eats in the nursery and you know what he has when home with us? Pizza. Chocolate. Squash. Piece of an apple dipped in yoghurt. Carrots in hummus. More chocolate. 4 bottles of formula (sometimes more if he gets his hands on his sister's). He is 2. I am lucky, he will literally eat anything.

I also have a 10mo DD. You know what she eats? F&ck all. She will not touch food if it means she sill starve to death (she was the same weight for 4 months in a row). I was on my knees steaming organic carrots mashing buckwheat and sweet potato and banana with whatever - the only thing she will eat is sweet pouches that you buy in the supermarket, occasionally porridge and formula. And cat food, she loves cat food. That's. It. You know what I did - I caved, and now she has a pouch and porridge and bottle and she is fed and I am not having to go into battle multiple times a day. I felt like such a failure but why? Why should we compare ourselves and what they do and do not eat - screw that. Are they fed? Yes? Done.

You need to sit and eat with him.

Thanks everyone. I might start giving him another cup of milk before his nap, so he's getting something extra.
He is allergic to dairy, nuts and peanuts, so he has fortified oat milk which he enjoys.
I'm going to start doing slow cooker recipes and then I can eat dinner with him after nursery three days a week and weekends and see what happens there.
My concern is, is he's thin. Not skinny, but thin. You can see his rib cage at the front and back. He's tall (84cm) but only weighs about 23lb so technically he's underweight for his height.
He doesn't eat chocolate or anything sweet except fruit as we don't want him addicted to sweets and then he won't eat anything else. Especially with how picky he is at the moment.
I know I sound paranoid but I'm a first time mom so every day is new to me so I don't know if all this is 'normal' or not 😵‍💫

I can understand why that is really stressful OP. However the fact he eats everything at nursery is fab. My LO is also at nursery three days and I use it as a bit of an excuse to be lazy with food at home. We give her healthy food mostly, sometimes baby food pouches too. But as she gets such a variety at nursery I take the easy route and home and give her stuff I know she'll eat, even if it is a bit repetitive.