ok so when do they start sharing?

[TheGoddessBlossom]

My DSs are 17 months and 3.4. They cannot share ANYTHING. Or take turns. I bought them EXACTLY the same things in their stocking to try and offset the scrapping and it worked for a while but god forbid one should lose theirs', cos then they just home in on the others's.

Any tips? I heard about an egg timer being used to teach them to take turns, and intend to buy one...or am I just destined to be a referee for the rest of my life? I don't remember fighting with my two sisters like this over the same item, what's theirs was theirs ( I suppose when I was older I would just nick it if I really wanted it, but that's a whole other thread...)

Bloss

xx

I might be talking Bllcks but I'm sure I read somewhere that the right bit of the brain for sharing isn't developed until around 3 so I think you might be struggling to get the 17 mo to comply. I know my 19 mo hasn't a clue about sharing. Not exactly helpful for you!

When DS is with his cousins (all 19/20 months) we have a rule that special toys are not allowed to be played with by the others e.g. my DS favourite tractor is his and his alone - even if he is not around the others can't play with that. But all other toys are on a whoever has it first can play with it but as soon as they put it down and play with something else that's fair game to be taken. It works for the moment whilst they don't understand sharing anyway.

My 2 and a half year old is no good at sharing with her 7 yr old sister or Gecko (11 months)

I'm hoping that turning three will help

Message withdrawn

DS1 (4) used to come back from nursery telling ds2 (18m) that "he needs to share" which is euphemism for "give me that toy". Drives me potty. My "policy" is that if something is too precious to "share" they play with it on their own elsewhere so as not to tempt people and disturb the peace. For everything else they take turns or engage in peaceful(ish) negotiation. Ds2 is surprisingly amenable to that. Maybe it will change, but hopefully not.
It was a difficult policy to put in place and I don't want to have to think of a new one any time soon! (The last resort, when negotiations fail, is to threaten to throw out all the other toys they have since they only want that single toy. Usually works on DS1.)

My ds (2.5) understands the word share in some circumstances - i.e., if eating chocolate from the advent calender he offers it to me and dp saying share. But if he wants to play with toys another child has he goes up to themand shouts 'share share' in their face and snatches it

doubles of favourite toys is GREAT.

Parent getting involved in playing with other toys also can divert attention onto other fun things.

Making a game with the big child of giving the little one a toy... and another toy... and another toy... and another toy... and then the big one quietly going off to play with the first toy when the little one is delighted with all the other toys he just got given.

A safe space for big child to play (top of kitchen table is good, playpen with door shut is good, though maybe kinder to put a rug round it so little one doesn't sit there looking at the forbidden fruit)

PArent initiating completely different non-object orientated games in that moment. Random non-scheduled bath? cooking? singing and dancing? making music with saucepans and wooden spoons?

Oh, and the idea of sharing takes a long time. Until then, it's just another of those weird words grown ups use, like "no" which basically means "you are now not going to get what you want", as far as children are concerned.

I'd do lots of talking with the children about how "this is Billy's car, and look Allie's holding it, and don't worry Billy, when she's finished you can have it back, because it's your car, isn't it? And shall we see how many more cars we can find? MAybe we can roll them all down the slide?" and with luck the disputed car will just get mixed in with all the other ones.

But I always think that the child who picked up the object gets to play with it till they are finished, and if there are precious things a child wants noone else to play with, they need to be kept in a special hiding place where the child alone has access and don't get them out unless unlikely to be coveted.