Exhausted emotional 3 year old

[DueyCheatemAndHow]

He is killing me.

The tantrums are all day. They are relentless. He still naps and hates being got up from it but if I didn't he'd never want to go to bed.

DD wakes him in the morning even though they are on a different floor and both have white noise. He woke up at 5.45 today. He's now cuddled up with me on the sofa watching TV.

I'm so worn out by the meltdowns

Oh gosh, OP. This sounds really hard. We just wanted to bump the thread for you in hopes someone is around this evening who can offer advice.

What is his daily routine? Does he go to nursery or playgroup? And what time is he napping?
5:45 is too early to start his day, I’m not surprised he’s knackered and grumpy. If he’s up that early he will probably need a nap before lunch.

Oof I feel for you OP. 3 was the most difficult age so far with our eldest. We found the best thing for him was a ton of physical exercise - park, playground, scooting, walking, riding his bike. Tire him out so he'd sleep well. He was rarely napping by then so after a busy day he'd sleep 7.30-6.30 ish, then we'd let him come into our bed for an early morning cuddle & a bit of iPad time. Nursery very helpful too and gives you a break.

He's always had his lunch before his nap so he naps I'd say 12.30 to 2.30 but he really doesn't want to wake up.

I just don't know what to do.

5.15 and he is awake. I know exactly what kind of day awaits me.

Did he wake up, or did your dd wake him? How old is she?

Would an earlier, but longer nap help? Have big 10.30 snack, down at 11? Then he could have 3 hours?

I’d have a couple of really low demand days so you can all regroup a bit. Dress when you are ready, eat what has least battle, just give yourself a bit of a break.

Hang in there!

Really, really hard. I have the utmost sympathy but no advice I’m afraid.
I’m currently listening to my just turned 3 year old singing in bed. He’s been awake for half an hour. Today will be long and his mood will go downhill fast!
Nursery days are great for him, does your son go to nursery at all?

I have an almost 3 yr old and I completely sympathise 😫😫

Yesterday he woke at 5.30, half day at nursery, refused maps and was very grizzly from about 3 till bedtime 😫

What's his routine during the day?

He goes to preschool 2.5 days a week. He doesn't nap so is a wreck by 6.

Earlier nap is a good shout. The only problem is trying to juggle uncoordinated nap times (and then the day he goes to preschool til 12) but its worth a try.

I'm starting to dread the days because they just struggle to play nicely. Trying to set up a craft activity or something is just a total waste of time.

@Yabyboda

Routine:
Up and play
Breakfast around 7
Dress and teeth clean
Watches TV for an hour (I'm usually with him and engaging) whilst DD naps
Snack
Out somewhere (tho the meltdowns were so bad yesterday we didn't manage this)
Lunch at 12
Nap
Snack
Usually play in the house or go the shops
5pm dinner
Tidy toys
Then TV with milk and cuddles
7pm up for bath (or about 6.30 if no nap)
Bed at about 7.45 or 7.15

Added complication - he will NOT bath with DD.

No advise just sympathy. My 18 month old is waking at 5am slipping back to 4.30 today. Wants to nap again by 7am.
Think it's the birds, he goes to sleep perfectly on his own at 6.45ish. I put him down and he rolls over and goes to sleep. I guess you can't have it both ways. Maybe you can but I can't seem to x

It's tough he sounds like a very energetic boy. Maybe slightly earlier nap say 1130-230 so gets longer but not too late.

Lots of activities- garden, walks, parks, soft play. Is he in nursery? Good set routine so he's use to it and knows what's happening.

How old is dd? I refused to get up before 630 so would keep putting lo back to bed. But I know it's not always that easy. Are you getting enough sleep? Is dad there,does he help?

Tantrums mean he's overwhelmed (which is normal at 3) what's his language like? The trick is to spot the signs before he hits overwhelm and change the situation. If it's something he can't cope with ie queuing then take food or device or toy and distract him. Or if he can't cope with change ie getting ready to go out or bedtime get a visual time table and a egg timer. Basically try to change the situation rather than expecting him to change.

My nearly 3 yo is the same with early starts. He doesn't nap though, hasn't for well over a year now. He goes to nursery and on those days is prone to tired meltdowns afterwards if we don't get him into bed swiftly. So we do 6.30 bedtime - he comes home at 5.30 so it's a quick change, bite to eat and then into pjs. He goes to bed a lot quicker if we do this than if we delay it an hour which results in meltdowns and a 'second wind'.

2 hours seems like a very long nap for a 3 year old. I'd be looking to cut that right down or get rid of it completely and just move bedtime earlier for a few weeks to compensate. There will be adjustment but it'll smooth out eventually.

He couldn't go without a nap. He is literally falling asleep in his lunch

I would cut the nap. I had a similar conversation with my sister not long ago, she was convinced her 3yo still needed his nap. Thing is it's catch 22. He needs the nap because he was up so early. Without the nap he might sleep in a bit later, but cutting it and him adjusting to it might be hard. Sorry you're not having much fun op! Remember everything is a stage... ☕

I just worry that he is tired so early it's such a long day without it for him. Also the not bathing with DD would be a problem. But I realise he can't nap forever.

On tantrum number 2 of the day.

Oh OP my DS was like this and it was exhausting. A ridiculously early bedtime, and no nap, is what worked for us.

So we cut the nap and I did tea at 3.30pm and then he was tucked up in bed by 5pm. (We stopped doing baths every day, which made this easier - you can also do baths in the mid-afternoon!) He was always asleep by about 5.15pm. And then slept until 6.30am, which we gradually, with the gro-clock, stretched until 7am.

Do you have a gro-clock btw? I found it massively helpful at this age. Even if he woke up a bit earlier, he learned really quickly to chat to his toys and stay in bed until it lit up, which was great for me but also for him as he was still resting and not immediately up and about, so it also helped to make him less tired.

He's 4.5 now and bedtime has got gradually later but it still needs to be 6pm some nights! Some kids just need a really early night, I think.

I'd cut the nap as well, if bathtime is hard then either do a bath or shower at another times, or take him in with a book to sit in the bathroom while DD has a bath, he will probably soon want to join in.

I'd say he's not getting enough nighttime sleep. DS was always an early riser and would be up at 5am regardless, he's still up at 6am now, so bedtime was 6-6.30. Unless he's particularly grubby they don't need a bath every day. It is horrible when they start phasing out of the daytime nap but longer sleep overnight might help. Good Luck

As an early years practitioner as well as a mum I would strongly advise against cutting the nap, he’s not ready. If he is being woken that early by the baby then he needs an earlier nap - before lunch if necessary. Then start the bedtime routine earlier, I would aim to have him in bed by 7, so start the routine at 6.

That's my gut feeling.. problem is I don't know what else I can do. They are on separate floors with white noise each, we don't leave her to cry (but also trying to encourage her to resettle!!)

@DueyCheatemAndHow

That's my gut feeling.. problem is I don't know what else I can do. They are on separate floors with white noise each, we don't leave her to cry (but also trying to encourage her to resettle!!)

And that’s ok, carry on letting her self settle. Just let him get enough sleep by adjusting his nap time and bringing bedtime forward.

He napped at 12.30 today and I woke him at 2.

I will struggle to get him to have a nap before lunch I think, with the little one still having a morning nap logistically it will be a nightmare.