Incessant battles with toddler over playing with him

[Yebbie]

Pregnant, very sick, very fed up!! I play with toddler lots, so it isn't that he's neglected. Today has already gone like this. Come downstairs at 7am, doesn't want breakfast just says play with me mummy. I say after I've sat down and had a drink and taken my medicine (cyclizine for vomiting, so if I do too much before it kicks in it sets off the whole day) he starts crying and kicking off that I'm not playing with him. Turned into huge tantrum that didn't stop until after I'd had my drink, just ignored it and did as I said I needed to do. Spend the next hour sat on floor playing with him. We go get breakfast, he eats his quickly and then instantly starts hounding me to come play with him again. I say yes I'm just finishing my breakfast first. Instantly kicks off, starts climbing all over me, tugging my clothes, shrieking at me to get up, play with him, have to keep pulling him off me as going to spill my cereal everywhere, he doesn't stop and just incessantly hounds me. Try put him on naughty step he refuses to cooperate runs back over shrieking play with me mummy no eat breakfast play with me. Gave up on breakfast was soggy mush at this point. Now 10 minutes ago after another hour of playing with him I say I'm going to go wash your clothes for nursery tomorrow. Nope starts shrieking at me again to play with him, I try and ignore him just carry on doing washing, he takes his trousers and nappy off and just starts pissing on the floor (he loves to do this when he's told off) and I'm just at my wits end! I can't sit on the floor and play every second of every day! What can I do!!

Are there consequences for him purposely and knowingly taking off his nappy and peeing on the floor? How old is he, is he at nursery yet?

It sounds like incredibly tough work and I'm sure someone more knowledgeable will come along with some advice

Firstly, this sounds tough, so sending sympathy! I have a 3-year-old and the demands can be insane!

With the naughty step, have you ever carried out through to the conclusion? It sounds like he doesn't cooperate and you just forget it and go back to playing with him. With something like this, you have to keep putting them back until they stay. I appreciate it's hard to do if your preggers and not feeling great, but important if you're going to use this tool properly.

What consequence does he get for deliberately weeing on the floor? This is where having a proper naughty step routine will help. 3 mins on the step will allow you to clean up unimpeded.

It sounds like you give in too easily and he's learning his behaviour gets him an hour or more spent with you. No judgement, though! I sometimes give in too! Can you try to follow through with a consequence the next time, no matter how long it takes? Then just take it one meltdown at a time?

Hope you get some time to yourself today!

Do you have a partner?

Are you a single mum?

How old is he and has he always acted like this it is it new?

That sounds very tough. He might be feeling a bit anxious because you're pregnant and he feels like things are changing. And that might make him want your attention a bit more, even if that's in a negative way.
And if you're feeling rough you might be more grumpy with him so he wants your attention even more (that's how I found it).
I really sympathise with you as its really hard work being pregnant with a needy toddler. Would half an hours play followed by switching tv on for half an hour of watching by himself? Or watch a film together instead of playing?
And I know it's hard but if you're cheerful and positive he might feel happier and go off by himself.
Maybe a star chart for playing by himself for 15 mins at a time? And a treat once he gets to 4 stars? Doesn't have to be consecutive 15 mins

This sounds tough . I also have a child who likes to be played with constantly (although slightly older) and it can be so draining sometimes.

I've learnt a couple of tricks to get him to play by himself. One is to pile some of his less used toys into a box and leave the box in the middle of the living-room floor for the next morning. It's like a moth to a flame. Another is to put music on or the TV in the background. He plays longer by himself if there is some background noise, even if cooking programmes. The other is to offer to do chores with him. This probably works better with a slightly older child (my DS is 4) but if my DS wants me to play with him, I ask him to come and wash the kitchen floor with me or tidy out the kitchen cupboards. Either he will and we make it into a game (and achieve something!) or he wanders off because playing with his toys by himself is more interesting. DS is particularly good at matching the lids to tupperware boxes so I give him a big pile from the back of the cupboard and get him to do that.

It's a tough age though, especially if you're also struggling through pregnancy!

Where's his father in all of this.
The spite weeing has to stop and you're going to need backup from his father on that.

You're pregnant you ought to be getting some support from his dad at weekends assuming he is there and working Monday - Friday.

Dh has midweek days off and yes he helps when he is off. Weekends are the 2 days a week it's just me and toddler and I'm struggling even with that!

For spite weeing I suggest getting him to clean it up including putting the nappy in the bin and the clothing in the washing machine he will probably demand you play with him this should be met with a firm no you made this dirty mess we need to clean it up

Remove him from climbing all over you everytime stand up to eat if you have to

It's so incredibly hard op. A mini dictator with no mercy!
You need to up your arsenal with psychological warfare to outwit him and get firm boundaries in place before the baby arrives.

Sending sympathy first of all. I used to take mine out in the morning. Dressed, breakfast, out. Firm no to anything else and tantrums ignored. Play when out, get them running around. Then home, lunch and put a film on so I could sit and do nothing for a bit. Or get caught up on housework but tbh dh did most of that. This carried on through newborn phase. But whether this works for you or not, stick to your boundaries, you don't have to spend hours playing with a toddler. Is there anyone you could set up a playdate with?

Sounds really tough, he has no concept of time yet so you might need to try something visual.

Try a sand timer, you can get them with different amounts of sand for different times. Put it somewhere high and flip it over "when the timer is finished, mummy will play with you". You could do the same with online timers too instead of an actual sand clock.

How old is he? I think that makes a difference in how you tackle his behaviour.

I would say do yourself a favour and stick the TV on first thing. I have a strict mummy doesn't play till after breakfast, they can watch TV or play independently but I'm not doing anything till I've had a cup of tea and a slice of toast.

There is no point in the naughty step unless you persevere.
Personally I wouldn't do naughty step but once you have said it you have to see it through.
Also he should never get what he wants by misbehaving.
Have you tried, "if you play on your own for 5 mins without asking I will come and play with you"
Set a timer and do as you say.
He needs to learn to play alone and that is a good way for him to practise.

He's still 2 but is 3 in a few months. He's never been this bad! I guess the difference is usually if I'm not playing with him I'm pottering around the house doing odd jobs so he leaves me alone less, I'm spending a lot of time plonked on the sofa trying not to throw up at the moment and he is just constantly badgering me whenever I'm sat down. I'm not really capable of much more at the moment!

Can you a have a few things to hand? Rolled up socks to throw the furthest or into an empty paper bin etc. He can run around collecting them and you can throw from the sofa.

Have you tried, "if you play on your own for 5 mins without asking I will come and play with you" Set a timer and do as you say.
He needs to learn to play alone and that is a good way for him to practise.

This is good advice

Also try having particular times of day which are “quiet time” where he needs to play alone. After meals are good for this IME, gives you a chance to clear up and maybe grab a drink and they aren’t hungry so are more able to focus. Then after quiet time it is mummy playtime. Again timers could help.

If he knows there Is a time coming up when you definitely will play with him, he may be more accepting of the times you won’t/can’t, iyswim.

Also I tend to reckon they need to have breakfast asap in the morning even if they say they don’t want it - a hungry child is a recipe for a tantrum!

Good luck, it sounds tough

Lots of good advice, if you are home alot now why not try a visual timetable you can put velcro dots on the back of and both go through it in the morning.
So: breakfast, teeth, get dressed, read with mum, play alone, play with mum, go to the park/shops, lunch, play alone, read with mum, watch Barney etc. If he needs more guiding when it say play alone maybe add pictures of blocks or cars etc.

2 nearly 3 year olds are still very young. Children can only focus for a couple of minutes past their age so you are looking at 5mins max for your little one. Things my Dd found that engaged her for longer was stringing cheerios onto spaghetti, sticking giant pipe cleaners into the holes of a colander. Having a big cardboard box to sit inside and colour in (you can buy big cardboard castles etc now from Argos and hobby craft). We always had an audiobook on either hers or mine or podcasts would work just as well instead of endless babyshark, it makes you feel less isolated with another adult voice in the background.

A small toddler slide for indoors is great if you have the space for it. Ours kept our DS busy for hours (sliding down it, climbing up it, rolling cars and balls down it). He also tired himself out on it, which was great when we couldn't get outside.