How many meltdowns / tantrums does your 3 year old have each day?

[FigitBit]

I just feel like it’s constant tantrums about getting dressed / eating breakfast/ leaving the house / walking / going in the buggy / going in the car / going to preschool/ wanting a treat then immediately wanting two …… basically everything results in meltdown

She old likes to hit & bite me and thinks it’s funny.

I’m so drained

Is this normal for a 3.5 yo?

• also likes to hit & bite

Older now, but none at 3. The odd tantrum involving slamming a door and leaving the room 😂 He's 8

Up until recently quite a few, maybe 4 or 5. Every simple task, getting dressed, eating lunch, getting in the car all resulted in a tantrum. She seems to have chilled out a bit recently (she's 3 and 2 mons), so we're probably down to 2 a day and I can usually talk her down now too. I guess they just go through phases but stay strong, it will get better!

My eldest was tantrum central at that age. Multiple a day every day. It was so draining.

My second one is there just now. He doesn't tantrum a lot but when he does it's much more epic than when he was younger. It tends to be when he's tired that they'll happen but I would say maybe 1-2 a day, and not every day. The kind where they actually attract attention from concerned random grannies, once every few months.

I do think he is quite an easy toddler but I might be skewed because my eldest was so challenging at this age.

Do you have consistent rules and routines? That helps a lot. And I'm normally very much one for child led/path of least resistance.

Constantly. Tantrums on what to eat, what to wear, whether to leave the house. Constant hitting, throwing toys, screaming etc. best advice I've had is, choose your battles. If he don't want to eat? fine, food stays on the counter until he is hungry. Don't want to get dressed? Fine we go out in pyjamas (him, not me) and take clothes in case he wants to get dressed. But hitting? No, not acceptable. Hitting gets you thinking time in our house and that means immediately stopping playing, toys go away until he's calmed down. Then once they've said sorry, then it's cuddles all round and we get on as normal as if it didn't happen.

I don't know what counts as normal but I can see why you are drained, I'm sure you're doing a great job and it's just relentless.

Obvious but successful strategies with my pre-schooler are giving closed choices to give the illusion of control (do you want to brush your teeth before or after putting your pyjamas on?), giving plenty of warning about transitioning from one activity to the next, picking battles and making the non-negotiables (wearing a seat belt in the car) 100% non-negotiable.

How are their language skills? Sometimes mine can't find the words in the moment but me voicing that they are upset/angry/sad seems to help. They are then often able to talk about it afterwards and when I can work out the trigger (rationale or otherwise) it can help stave off future issues.

Busy little crazy brains!

My 4 yo was like this and escalating.

In a fit of depression I binge watched super nanny for 48hrs. I developed a strategy based on what I’d had witnessed and implemented in consistently.

She’s ten now and we are friends, she appreciates what I do for her, tells me she loves me everyday and we rarely can’t work something out calmly anymore. She is enthusiastic to do stuff with me and we enjoy spending time together

Also the cartoons in this are invaluable but available here for free.

Print them off!
Put them up wherever you have those fights to help prompt you right when you need it

www.tbcs.org/uploaded/Resources/Presentations/Tools_for_Success_16/How_to_Talk_So_Kids_Will_Listen.pdf

Mine is a flopper. Any slight disagreement with life he'll just lie on the floor. Wherever we are, whatever the problem is. Flop, he's down.

Someone on the bus pressed the button before you. To the floor!

The lift doors on the left opened? To the floor!

Your sandwich is in squares not triangles. TO THE FLOOR!

Mother puts your water in the cup you asked for? TO THE MOTHER FUCKING FLOOR.

Someone knocked on the door and passed a leaflet to the adult rather than him? FUSE YOUR ASS TO THE CARPET, WE ARE NOW ONE.

We also have different levels of dramatic flopping where he can express his full range of expression and rage faces/screams.

It's. Exhausting.

My SD was like this at 3 and 4. The day was so draining as every little thing would set her off....having to wear socks, not being able to wear her preferred shoes, not winning a game, not getting exactly what she wanted when she wanted it. Not so much tantrums as just crying and whinging, although she did lash out at her brother from time to time.

It did get better but I'd say try not to indulge it too much as SD still has some of these tendencies and she's now 8.

DD1 is 3.2 and a champion at tantrums. At least eight a day before Christmas, now getting considerably less since she started preschool and is getting more stimulation.

Probably doesn’t help that DH deals with it differently from me. I go with natural consequences and no backing down, e.g. if she won’t eat the unacceptably triangular toast, then it simply gets cleared away at the end of the meal along with the baby’s leftovers and she isn’t offered anything else until the next snack/mealtime.

DH goes for bribery with anything that works. He says that because I’m a teacher I have a ‘scary calm, steely determination’ that he can’t replicate so he’s going to take the easy route as long as it lasts.

If his approach turns out better results than mine I shall be very unimpressed!

@FigitBit Did the meltdowns/tantrums start to improve? We’re in the thick of this at the moment and it’s so hard