Child doesn't let me talk

[moocow123456]

My 4 year old has always hated when me and my partner speak (either to each other or if we have visitors over).

She shouts, she sings really loudly, dances around in front of you and and gets her bum out (I wish I was joking). I end up shouting and putting her upstairs but I w

I end up shouting and putting her upstairs but she comes back down and if we have visitors, I feel like I can't sort the issue out at the time.

Help.

That’s very rude of her and four is old enough to know that- how long has it been going on? How does she react with a firm ‘excuse me DD but we are talking’?

The whole ‘doesn’t let me’ thing makes her sound like a little dictator that rules the roost….

She’s attention seeking, and is running the house !
Is she like this at school ?

How long has she known your partner?

Time to sort this out using calm, consistent methods (not shouting). "DD, Daddy and I are talking now, it will be your turn to talk after we've finished." "DD, Daddy and I can't hear each other speak, either stop singing or go and sing in your bedroom, it's your choice." Say it over and over again. It will take ages but it will eventually work!

Sounds awful,.
Good advice from @GiantSpider be consistent.
Has this just started or has she always done it? Is it just when you and DP talk and if so does she do it if you’re out and about?

If you know she’s going to do this, talk to her about when it’s just you two, don’t wait for the behaviour to start. Tell her it’s rude, and upsets you, and if she can’t behave and wait her turn in a conversation, she needs to play somewhere else. Getting cross when she’s already performing will just end up with you yelling-understandable, but not helpful.

@Josette77

How long has she known your partner?

What's your point? Apart from obviously wanting to be rude. OP said it also happens when friends are visiting.

Stop with the passive aggressive judgement.

I think with most visitors, a comment along the lines of ‘We’re going through a bit of a phase of testing the boundaries here’ will cover you… most people surely get that small children can play up sometimes and would judge you much less for dealing with it as per @GiantSpider advises rather than ignoring it.

To try and answer all of the questions -

My partner is her Dad (sorry, not sure why I didn't just say her Dad 🙈).

She has been like this from a very young age. I would say even around 2 years old. I take complete responsibility for the fact that I haven't helped the situation & clearly should've nipped this behaviour in the bud sooner.

When it is just me and her Dad talking, I will tell her we are trying to speak. She keeps on going, she doesn't listen at all (again, probably down to my parenting). I have let her get away with too many things or haven't stuck to any "punishments".

She has always been very attention seeking, and particularly more so since her sister arrived a couple of years ago. As far as I'm aware - she isn't like this in school.

She will do it if we visit a friends/families house unless she is getting the direct attention of someone else. If her friends are there or her gran will play with her, then she is absolutely fine but otherwise she will keep interrupting and talking over me. She has got her bum out at family members houses too. It's awkward because everyone laughs and then you feel like you can't really say anything at the time.

Thank you for the advice @GiantSpider. I will take this on board and will do it next time! She is very stubborn (used to getting her own way I guess), so I'm sure it will take a while but I have to sort this out so thank you :).

Time to get tough OP. Yes it should have been sooner but it’s not too late.

You have to follow through every single time. Your mission is for you and your partner to finish your conversation and you literally keep asking her to be quiet and let you finish until she gets bored of messing around, however long it takes. This is the only thing that works!

@Player001 I didn’t see @Josette77 comment as judgemental, I think it’s relevant because sometimes a new partner or a new baby or a new dog is competition for the child and can trigger attention seeking behaviour, which might then extend to when visitors come.

I think you are the one making it judgemental!

My friend has 2 daughters like this they are now 10 and 16 and she cannot even make a phonecall when they are there. Be warned !

And I don’t mean just you- her dad as well. Firm clear ‘no, we are talking’ two warnings and she’s removed from the situation/some kind of sanction/chill out on her own for a bit and ignored. Often they’re not like this at school because they are aware of the boundaries and rules in place and behave accordingly.

As for asking her to be quiet multiple times er no that just turns it into a game . She will be told first, warned second and action taken third ( TV off or toy taken away )
No wonder kids rule their parents in some houses.

Are you often on your phones, watching tv, have tv on in the background. Does she gets lots of one to one attention. My DGd does this - not sure why but I suspect the fact that we around her are on our phones a lot possibly make it worse.

As pp have said. Consistency. Additionally if you are having guests over I would tell them beforehand about her behaviour, ask them not to laugh if she gets her bum out and if she is talking over you/them ask them to tell her not to also. If they are close family or friends (especially if they have kids) I’m sure they would be understanding and supportive and if your dd can see that other people think it’s rude it may have a greater effect.

[quote DarlingDarwin]**@Player001* I didn’t see @Josette77* comment as judgemental, I think it’s relevant because sometimes a new partner or a new baby or a new dog is competition for the child and can trigger attention seeking behaviour, which might then extend to when visitors come.

I think you are the one making it judgemental![/quote]
I agree. It was obvious josette was asking because kids can be unsettled or jealous if their dad moves our and a new partner moves in. So it was very relevant and not judgemental

I'm in a similar situation, my 4 year old son won't let anybody in our home sing, whistle or even dance at times. If you start up when, say, doing some chores, he will scream and scream and hit you, kick you, and smash his head into the floors, walls, throw items etc until the offender stops.
We've actually been pretty strict and consistent about it I'd say, although the singer/whistler is usually put off as it sucks all the joy out of it!

I used to be a good singer but since I can't practise and spend more time shouting, my voice is broken now and I don't bother practicing guitar anymore as I can't sing with it.

There's times he's tolerated some singing, but I can't spot a pattern as such. It's hard, because singing is used a lot for teaching at this age. I wonder how he will behave at school!

To be fair he is autistic, but I've never known an autistic child to act quite like this, it doesn't seem like a meltdown to me ( known a lotta autistic people and kids, and am autistic myself)

I've been using a site called "hand in hand", and it's helped a lot with our bond and his behavior in general, but this one issue persists like no other. It's been going on for 2.5 years.

Watching in solidarity!

@Disfordragon

As pp have said. Consistency. Additionally if you are having guests over I would tell them beforehand about her behaviour, ask them not to laugh if she gets her bum out and if she is talking over you/them ask them to tell her not to also. If they are close family or friends (especially if they have kids) I’m sure they would be understanding and supportive and if your dd can see that other people think it’s rude it may have a greater effect.

I agree with this actually. I wouldn't normally expect other people to parent my children but when one of mine started up with this sort of nonsense at a similar age, maybe a little older actually, I explained to my brother and his wife before they came and asked them to follow the same stern line we did with it (they're child free so far and would definitely roared with laughter!).

Sure enough it happened and child was reprimanded by me but when she looked to my brother (who she adores) for a laugh, he very seriously told her that he wasn't at all impressed with her and he was cross that she being so rude. Worked far more effectively than my telling off!

My 5 year old tries to talk over adults a lot. He is the only child in the house, loves to talk and is a genuinely happy little thing who just wants to share all of the exciting news in his life... like what the kid next to him are for lunch

It's rude and annoying, although his intentions are absolutely fine his behaviour is not! I've started just cutting him off straight away and telling him he has to wait as the adults are talking and I'll let him know when it's his turn. this is working better than my previous strategy of telling him to wait until we're done, as he can't gauge when we're done and will butt in at the first pause. Don't tiptoe around the situation. I know it feels a bit mean to tell your child that they can't be the focus, but it's true and needs to be taught.

Getting your bum out is wholly inappropriate and should be treated as such. Other people will get the message not to laugh if you immediately remove her from the situation.

With my three year old I try and give her some completely undivided attention for ten minutes or so, setting her up with her toys in a tea party or something, or getting her paints out and showing real interest in it with her, then once she’s settled I can sit back more and have a conversation with her Dad. “Attention seeking” behaviour is just that really - it’s solved by giving them some good undivided attention to help them entertain themselves whilst you get on then with other things. I also use a firm “mummy and daddy are talking - when we’re finished I will do XYZ with you”. Consistent and firm, with plenty of one on one time thrown in throughout the day.