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Parenting

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Original poster

Son at Uni

14 replies

Lula5342 · 10/02/2022 16:37

My 21 year old son lives away from home at uni, his father and i are no longer together. I have a partner of 6 years and we live separately. He would like me and my younger daughter to move in with him, financially we would both be better off, however there is no room for my older son who lives at uni. Do you think its unfair to give up my house and move in with my partner when there is no room for my son? He has a bedroom at his dads house which is 10 mins away from mine so he has soemwhere to stay when he comes home.

OP posts:

sadpapercourtesan · 10/02/2022 16:40

I wouldn't. I would wait a bit longer, until he is out of education and established in a job/flat. That's a personal preference though - I'm very close to my adult sons and it's important to me that there's always a place for them with me as long as they need it.

I'm sure you'll get lots of responses telling you it's fine. What does your son think?

FredBair · 10/02/2022 16:41

I would just give it another year until he graduates and finds a proper job.

Tillymintpolo · 10/02/2022 16:41

Absolutely not, is he trying to push your son out ?

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AlexaShutUp · 10/02/2022 16:41

I would wait, personally.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 10/02/2022 16:42

Nope I wouldn't do this. I have a DD at uni and her bedroom will stay as it is until she's left home properly.

pikapikapukachu · 10/02/2022 16:54

Even though he's at uni and has a room at his dads, he's not left home as such. So if you move on in a way that means he no longer has a home with you, it's going to really hurt him.
So no, I think think you should wait

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 10/02/2022 16:54

Nope dont do this. My parents moved house when I was at uni. I didnt have a room, I had the guest room that I had to de-conflict with other guest who may have been visiting. It was shit and I was very resentful.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 10/02/2022 16:56

No I would wait a few more years. Could you move in together into a bigger place?

pongom · 10/02/2022 19:33

I think it's fine to do this. As long as you make clear to him that he is always welcome and that there is a spare mattress/sofa bed for him always.

Plenty of people do the equivalent to this like younger siblings who share a room spreading out when the eldest goes off to uni and effectively 'taking over' that childs room.

My mum turned my room into an extra living/chill/hobbies room for herself when I left. I was an adult and I didn't expect them to put their lives on hold for me. Did me absolutely no harm whatsoever.

Could you ask your son his thoughts and whether he would mind? My thought it he'll just want his mum to be happy and do the most practical thing since he won't be there 99% of the time anyway.

oviraptor21 · 10/02/2022 19:36

When my parents moved to a place where there wasn't a bedroom for me whilst I was still at university, it was obvious that they weren't particularly bothered whether I came home or not.

gogohm · 10/02/2022 19:45

I have moved, I split from their dad and had to live somewhere, I couldn't afford to rent more than a 1 bed! We have 2 spare bedrooms so his DD's have 1, mine the other but in reality very rarely are more than 2 here, one time 3 were here so dd1 slept in the office. They don't need 2 houses as adults

22Newnames · 10/02/2022 19:54

I wouldn’t yet. It’s quite a big signal that you no longer see him as part of your family household.

Original poster

Lula5342 · 11/02/2022 09:51

Thankyou for your views. My son hasn't really said much, just that he will never move back home as he likes living in the city.

OP posts:

BigSandyBalls2015 · 11/02/2022 12:27

My DD has said the same, she plans to find a job in her uni city when she graduates .... however, the best of plans often fall through, so until this actually happens I will keep her bedroom as it is.

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