Baby blues and grief about the future.

[Rainbowranger]

I've just had my 2nd child and also have an almost 4 year old. With my oldest I had really bad baby blues...lots of regrets/doubts/ shock about how life had changed. I very quickly settled and loved being a mum. So much so I didn't go back to my job and took a very part time much more flexible role which has given me the huge privilege of being almost a stay at home mum. I know how lucky I am to be in a financial position to do this.
After nearly a year trying we have our second child. The worries I had about how my oldest would cope and how I would adjust to the change have not been an issue. Instead I am daily sobbing about how much I love this stage of tiny kids and being a stay at home mum. I am distressed at how big and grown up my 4 year old is and feel like their early years flew by and I didn't appreciate it. I feel like this will happen again with baby and before I know it they will be at school then teens then out of the house. I am already grieving not having tiny children and my life being about them. I have lots of friends and am sociable but am not interested in developing career/ hobbies etc. I just want to be a mum to small kids forever. At retirement age if we make it and have enough money me and DH look forward to our time to revist our love for travel, but thats the only future thing I look forward to.

Sorry for the long post.
I just wondered how others had coped with similar feelings and people's experiences of parenting at each stage.

Congratulations first off! How many weeks post partum are you?
I remember feeling in the first 2 weeks like I never ever EVER wanted to go to work.
I wanted to get pregnant straight away and start the journey all over again as I felt like I never wanted it to end, but when I look back at photos of newborn stage now (at 5 months) I cringe at how difficult, lonely and thankless a time it was.

I also cried about everything (like literally everything) and spent days bawling between baby tasks. I'd say it took a good 3 weeks before I wasn't crying every day, and even for a few weeks after that had some bad days.

My little boy is only 5 months and I am loving this stage so can definitely see myself looking back nostalgically as you describe.

The only practical advice would be to try and get out and about in the fresh air everyday when you're ready, and having visitors early on really helped me (but i know this can stress some people out). Also speak to your midwives and health visitors about your feelings - hearing how common it was made me feel a lot better!

Thank you for replying. I am 5 days pp and logically know this is peak baby blues and will pass. It was worse last time then I was suddenly fine! But last time it was blues about what have I done how will I cope. Because this time it is about being so grateful for what I have and grieving that in the future I will have lost it, I am struggling to rationalise that this feeling will pass.

Totally agree to getting out every day...have been out yesterday and today. But I last a bit then feel anxious and teary.

I wish there was a magic machine to stop life changing

Ah I know this feeling so well - I go through old photos and videos daily and want to weep at how small my DD was and I always thought she was so much bigger and grown up than she was.

Its like trying to grab smoke - I cant hold onto the age or freeze time, even though I love watching her grow.

I think children remind us of how short life really is.

So true @Butteryflakycrust83 it has also involved me thinking about others not being around in the future.