Having to nag 5 year old

[BaffledBerluga]

My DD is 5 years old. I am really struggling at the moment with having to ask her to do something multiple times because she is distracted. I do think it is usually just that she is way with fairies, but there can sometimes be a bit of defiance and wanting to do things her way (which is not always practical).

I have tried to build as much time into our morning routines for her to get dressed at her own pace etc. so I don't find the routine stuff so bad, but it's the unexpected stuff. So as an example, this morning she had just woken up and I was downstairs sorting breakfast. She was having a drink from her water bottle but she spilt it on her bed and PJs - no problem, these things happen She called me up to help. I went up and had to ask her four times to get off of the bed because she was busy trying to mop the water up with a tissue. I then had to ask her multiple times to get off her wet PJ bottoms while I whipped the bed sheets off. Halfway through getting changed she needed a wee and so disappeared into the bathroom for ages. It doesn't sound like a big deal in itself, but multiple times a day or gets really wearing.

I try so hard to be patient, but do find my self getting frustrated with her from time to time. And then feel really guilty because I don't think she means to most of the time, and she really is on the whole such a good girl.

Is this normal 5 year old behaviour and if so how do I get less frustrated with it? Or is there anything I can do to help her to concentrate on what she's doing better. Apparently at school she is fine, and follows instructions really well.

My 8 year old DD is exactly like this. I get very frustrated at repeating myself x10. Every single thing, every single day. It’s really exhausting. I can say (for the fifth time) ‘Go and have a wee.’ And she’ll get into the bathroom look around a bit and say ‘What am I supposed to be doing?’ She genuinely has forgotten/wasn’t listening in the first place.
Sorry no tips, just solidarity!

Ditto with both of mine when they were little. If she follows instructions well at school, would she respond well to a simple wall mounted rota, Supernanny style, that she could check her watch against?

It's hard to remember to do this but when I need her to do something quickly I always precede it with "Right, we need to do some first-time listening here" which kind of alerts her to the fact that a request or instruction is coming.

I think sometimes she is so much in her own head that it just doesn't register plus the fact we get into the habit of asking multiple times just subliminally teaches them they don't have to listen or do first time because they'll be asked again anyway.

My 6yo is exactly the same. Cloth eared. I have no solutions in afraid.

When you find a solution let me know. I have a DC who are 14 and 10 and exactly the same

Oh god, this is exactly my 5 year old!! He got home from school yesterday and I asked him to go for a shower. 30min later, no water running so I go check and he’s just playing on his bedroom floor. He finally gets in the shower and I give him his towel, ask him to put his PJs on and come do his homework. Another 30min later, he’s still naked just playing again 🙄🙄

This is literally with everything I ask him to do. It took him 10min to put on his school shoes this morning!!!

It's very normal.

Things to do that can help:

• use short sentences 'off the bed please', 'PJ bottoms off'.

• make physical contact if possible, touch the arm using the tissue to wipe the bed, she'll look up, when you have that eye contact/connection...'off the bed please'. Sometimes holding a hand or hand on the shoulder helps you gain their attention.

• if possible make eye contact, try not to give instructions from another room/while doing something else.

• work on your 'this must be done NOW' tone. Always helpful to use a full name in this circumstance I find!

• when appropriate let them experience the natural consequences of not listening/doing. For example, 4 year old was asked 3 times to get the bubbles he wanted to bring to the park, he didn't, we went without them, he realised when he got there and was disappointed he didn't have them. Lesson learnt for next time!

The eye contact and focusing on them is important at this age. Don't try to multi task while expecting them to independently follow instructions. 5 is still very little!

Thanks everyone - it's really useful to know it's so common! And some useful ideas. I think I don't always focus enough on very clearly giving instructions as I also have an 18 month so I'm usually wrestling with him as well!

The other thing I find tricky is she is quite sensitive. So if I try and use a firm voice (not shouty just the "this must be done NOW" voice @NuffSaidSam mentions) she looks really sad and says "are you cross with me mummy?". Which probably results in me not being firm enough with her, which is worse for her longer term because then I do get frustrated when she keeps not listening.

I do find that pretending to be an all powerful being over her Alexa works: "TIDDDY YOOOUR ROOOM"

She did spend 30 minutes buttering a slide of toast this morning though!