Hitting a wall after 4.5months

[Simba89]

I have a 4y old and a 4.5mo old. Surprisingly I really enjoyed the newborn phase this time and bonded with my DD straightaway. I've been on a bit of a high but suddenly I've run out of steam.

She started waking up more in the night, this week each night has been worse than the night before and it's so disheartening.

The main issue is that DD screams when she wakes, she goes from fast asleep to loud angry screaming and it drives me nuts. It's also so stressful wondering if it will wake her sibling.

She was such a happy content baby before and lately is really whingy. She was so easy to look after as she just needed me. Lately I don't know what she needs but I don't feel enough.

I'm scared I will lose my bond with her, I'm starting to just go through the motions everyday when I used to really enjoy it.

Am I just tired? Will it get better? Could I still develop PND at this late stage?

I had bad anxiety after my first and was so happy that I seemed a lot better this time, but now I feel like maybe I peaked too early.

I'm also fuming with DH. He sleeps in another room and sees to my toddler if she wakes, which she rarely does, so has been getting full night sleep pretty much everyday.

I told him that when my toddler wakes in the morning, if he can't hear any noise from the baby's bedroom he should take DD1 down for breakfast and let us sleep.

Everyday this week he has let DD1 come to wake us up. Just yesterday I reiterated how important it is and today again he failed to prevent us getting woken up.

I think he genuinely doesn't get the big deal, and why an extra 30mins makes a difference. I'm going to start waking him every 2 hours for weeks and see if he gets it then. Argh. Unbelievable.

I had a similar experience to you. I found the newborn stage lovely and coped well with night wakings and felt like wonder woman 😂

It was after the first couple of months that things started to get harder. My baby became more whingy and would only nap in the sling being constantly bounced. I also think by that point, I'd run out of the excitement and adrenaline of having a new baby. I don't think what you're experiencing is probably quite common.

PND can certainly hit you at this stage or even much further down the line. I've heard that up to 2 years is common (I actually read in a book recently that some experts are saying it can occur up to 4 years pp!!!) so if you are feeling particularly low, definitely speak to your GP.

That's really annoying about your DH. I remember quietly seething in rage that my husband was all cosy in the spare room while I was bouncing around the room with my baby trying to get her to sleep. I wouldn't have wanted him in our room anyway but this doesn't stop you feeling really cross! He does need to take you seriously about the mornings though. Reiterate the importance again and just make it clear how his actions are really upsetting you.

Hi, 4 to 4.5 months is a really hard time. I was/am lucky in that nights were fine but the daytime naps were my biggest issue, I really started to question what i was doing with my life when my day was spent either dreading nap time or bouncing a screaming, kicking, scratching baby to sleep! Like you, i stopped enjoying the whole experience, questioned myself as to whether I had PND and ended up putting in my return to work form (which made me feel a lot better haha)

BUT it really quite suddenly got better just before the 5 month mark. The idea of leaps/sleep regression is a controversial topic and I know a lot of people don't believe or follow it, I am slightly cynical about it myself but looking back I do think it was a developmental thing.

If your feelings last longer than a couple of weeks it is definitely worth speaking to your HV or GP. Really hope things improve for you soon x

Thank you so much both, I feel less alone. I would usually whinge to DH but I'm too mad at him!

So reassuring to know it's not too unusual and hopefully just a tricky phase. Naps have gone downhill too. Before I had a few hours a day to either be productive or slob in front of the TV when tired, now I just get 30 minutes with the odd cry throughout so I'm just on edge wondering if the 11 minute nap is already over...

Really felt like crying this morning. Will try to get out of the house today as the weather is nice. Onwards and upwards!

Will definitely chat to DH again this evening, he has one job honestly he really needs to not be so useless.

4 and 5 month olds are notorious jerks and would be the bit I look forward to least in future DC (and that’s after having a pretty rotten newborn experience as well). They suddenly get really fussy - even the settled newborns in my antenatal group suddenly did weird things…like they’d only be fed if they were held upside down and marched around on the spot or they’d only go in the sling if it was a perfect 18 degrees out and it was a Wednesday afternoon or they’d only nap if being ran at speed in a certain buggy…you get the picture. Got better for all of us at 6 ish months. There will be more bad phases but personally this was one of the worst in the first year!

@AliceW89 thank you for the laugh, that is so accurate!

(Un)fortunately my first DD only got better with age and never experienced any sort of obvious leap or regression so I need to get used to this rollercoaster, this one will keep me on my toes!

Dreading the night a little but she was lovely as anything today and I am in love again :D fingers crossed!