Mundane parenting or depression?

[Whatislife990]

Bit of back story, I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old.
Relocated 2 hours from family a year ago, and although I love it where we are now, and would never go back, I'm quite isolated.
My partner works 49 hour weeks so it's just me with the kids most the time.
(I work 23 hours a week, one night, one weekend shift)

Ever since I had my second, I've not been 100 % tbh but been trying to get through.
Comes in waves, few weeks of being down, not wanting to get out anywhere.
I don't even want to get out of bed in the morning most days, when little one naps, I end up in bed too.
My appetite has gone completely.
I'm so emotional, and haven't stopped crying today.

I find the days so long and mundane, same thing every day, drop eldest at nursery, back home, few hours play time, lunch, nap, pick eldest up, and wait for other half to get home.
And then some weeks are OK, I force myself out to playgroups etc.
How do I know the difference between just feeling this mundane parenting feeling or if I need some antidepressants.
I've been on them before years ago and I got a lot lot worse before getting any better and of course that's what puts me off going back on them.
I cant afford to get any worse when I've two young children that need me to function properly.

Bumping here for you.

It's so difficult, I understand what you are saying. Do you think it's related to your cycle? Do you find some weeks of the month easier than others? I found myself feeling similar for a couple of weeks in the month, I have a 4 and 2 year old. I take fluoxetine for the second part of the month, it really helps me.

With the usual caveats about it being impossible to diagnose on the basis of a MN thread - it sounds very much like depression. I suffer from chronic depression (the level of severity fluctuates, but it's never completely gone) and the early phase of a bad episode usually starts with that flat, empty, no-energy feeling and loss of appetite.

I think you should definitely go to your GP and talk about trying some antidepressants. It could make all the difference

Wondering if you are in a position, even with adjustments, to go to work instead of spending so much time with only small children for company. It might give you the lift you need, even if only for a few days a week.

@Toloveandtowork I do work, 2 x 12.5 hour shifts a week, I can't do anymore than that, I haven't any childcare for the long days.