I wanted another child and it's too late and I'm a bit sad...

[ggfftt]

I am very lucky to have my dc and I know so many people have struggled to have dc and some haven't been able to and I'm so sorry about that but I really wanted to have another child and I'm now 45 so it's not going to happen.. not for lack of trying .. we have had 2 losses and 2 ectopics since our dc and I've lost a tube too

We are a very happy family but I still feel like there is someone missing. I know my dc won't be lonely as she is very sociable and makes friends easily and I encourage friendships and an open house..

Just wondering if anyone else feels like this .. I' don't want to moan because in the grand scheme of things I am beyond lucky but just wanted a little outlet where I can chat about my feelings with like minded people!

I feel like this. I had losses and infertility before DC and don't want to take any chances now I'm nearly 40.

I read somewhere that most women wonder about having another and what they would be like - no matter how many they have. And research fairly consistently shows that the more children you have the less happy you are and that as adults only children are slightly happier on average than those of us with siblings (obviously there are lots of examples either way in reality - the difference was only very slight overall). I try to reassure myself but still have the feeling you describe. I'm not sure what you can do about it tbh.

Thanks it is helpful to think like that..

Sorry you have struggled too

I'm 31 and the chances of me having another child kills me sometimes I feel so guilty I didn't go through with it at the time when DS 3 when me and his dad was together.

I’m 38 and now a single parent. I’ve just started to get broody now my only child is almost 4. It’s never going to happen to me and I’m at peace with that, but I’ll probably always wonder what if?

How did you make peace with it @2022IamHavingYa ?

F

@ggfftt I just remember how lucky I am to have such a perfect, clever, sporty, funny little boy who is the light of my life. Currently cuddled up in bed having a cup of tea with him.

Some people aren’t as lucky as me and I work in a job where I see babies die and pregnancies end so I am even more thankful for my son

From a different perspective, I am 10 years older than my closest sibling and nearly 20 years older than the youngest. I sometimes wish I was an only child as I ended up with lots of responsibilities too early and not a close relationship with any of my siblings. This won't ever be resolved as we are all in very different life stages and I end up mothering over the middle child. This is partly my fault as I have allowed my parents to get me to do the parenting when they don't want to have difficult conversations with the middle child. I know this isn't exactly your question OP but I wanted to share an experience from the other side of the fence. I am also not for a minute saying you would farm out parental responsibility! Sometimes these things just happen though.

Thank you that's helpful

I have two & I very much echo Mimba.. I wonder about a 3rd all the time. What gender, names, how we’d cope, where they’d sleep etc etc .. I think I’ll always feel sad about not having another but I had two extremely poorly HG pregnancies & I can’t do it again. I just have to make peace with the fact my dream of a big family won’t happen. I wanted 4. DH was onboard. But my body hates pregnancy. The last one nearly killed me.

I’m an only child & there are lots of advantages. I had a really happy childhood filled with every activity my heart desired. I was the apple of my grandparents eye & very spoilt by them really. As an adult, I get all of my parents love & support. They’ve supported me financially far more than would have been the case if I had siblings & I get undivided support in them looking after my own kids!